Monday, August 22, 2016

Barstool Blues



If I could hold on
to just one thought
For long enough to know
Why my mind is moving so fast

And the conversation is slow.
Burn off all the fog
And let the sun
through to the snow
Let me see your face again
Before I have to go.

I have seen you in the movies
And in those magazines at night
I saw you on the barstool when
You held that glass so tight.
And I saw you in my nightmares
But I'll see you in my dreams
And I might live a thousand years
Before I know what that means.

Once there was a friend of mine
Who died a thousand deaths
His life was filled with parasites
And countless idle threats.
He trusted in a woman
And on her he made his bets
Once there was a friend of mine
Who died a thousand deaths.

Saturday, August 20, 2016

Psalms 7:15

Consider how one conceives inequity;
Is pregnant with mischief,
And gives birth to deception.

He digs a hole and bores it deep,
but he falls into the pit he has made.
His malice turns back upon his own head; 
His violence falls on his own skull






Thursday, August 18, 2016

Just Melvin Just Evil

I am never quite sure where the line between evil and good should be drawn to not piss SOMEBODY off. You get people that are fearful of labeling others and don't want insane people to be stigmatized needlessly. You get people that will tell you they know not what they do/did so find it in your heart to give them a pass. That whats done is done and it can't be fixed now. I am positive Melvin shot so far past the mark and so far beyond any definition that you can come up with for evil, that defending him requires tapping into a level of denial that before now I would have said didn't exist.  If you can find a way to rationalize the life of this man I would love to hear what you have to say.

It's a long one, but well worth your time.

I will say this, if I had been on the dock interviewing this guy and he called me a cock sucker I would have shoved him and his wheelchair and his greasy  hamburger into the ocean and slept well that night.

Saturday, August 6, 2016

How psychopaths view their world.

Most psychopaths are very arrogant and cocky. However, when charming  a potential victim, they say all the "right" things and make you  believe they are kind-hearted souls; not always, but often enough.  The truth is, psychopaths are not altruistic and do not really care  about friendships or ties. Guggenbuhl-Craig states that they are very talented at appearing much more humble than the average person, but  are hardly so. Some are also able to feign concern about the lower  classes and profess that they are on the side of the underdog, the  poor, and so forth. A psychopath may claim, for instance (if he's  from a low socio-economic class), that he dislikes rich people  intensely, but at the same time, he will inwardly yearn and envy what  they have. He is like the narcissist, desiring to reflect a false  image of himself through his possessions. Among his possessions are  included human beings: girlfriends, wives, and children. Some psychopaths can even very fond of animals (contrary to the common  viewpoint), but still view them as objects in relation to themselves.
The psychopath is filled with greed inside, relating to the world  through power, even though, as I said, on the outside he can claim to  be on the side of the disenfranchised or the downtrodden. I knew one  who liked to repeat phrases such as "they have to stop keeping my  brothers down" but he didn't mean a word of it. He was actually a  racist. The psychopath can also often identify himself as a  revolutionary.
On the flip side, the psychopath also often paints a picture of  himself as the downcast anti-hero (his "own worst enemy type") and  some like to see themselves as lone-wolves. The psychopath may even  claim he is sensitive and profound, but inside he is nothing but  emptiness and greed. Whether or not the psychopath is aware of his  behaviour is something that is often debated. I do believe that  psychopaths usually know exactly what they are doing, although others  suggest that psychopaths are "born, not made." [1]
I believe that psychopathy is primarily genetic. A son with a  psychopathic father often will be psychopathic as well, especially if  the father was abusive and/or abandoned the family as well.
As mentioned, psychopaths often claim to settle for second best  (being their own worst enemy) and then think they deserve better.  This may be manifested in the way they seek power -- either through  money (i.e. material goods), manipulation and/or treating people as  objects. By enacting such behaviours, the psychopath is also trying  to "get back" at society and the world, in order to gain retribution.  They will spend their entire lives doing this, whether they are rich  or poor, or whatever their social background may be, although studies  have shown that they often come from an impoverished or lower socio- economic background and/or social status. (In one of Dr. Donald  Black's studies, many of the men were "overwhelmingly white, blue  collar, lower middle class, and married, and most had not graduated  from high school." [Black, 14]). (Let me add, despite Dr. Blacks'  studies, psychopaths can still exist in any social class. Do not be misled). I also wanted to point out that I will be using "he"  and "him" for the term psychopath throughout this website; let it not  be forgotten, yes, female psychopaths exist as well; however,  according to the Sixth Edition of Abnormal Behavior, printed in 2000  by three male professors, David, Derald, and Stanley Sue, the rates  do differ by gender. Included in their excellent text is a report by  the The American Psychiatric Association that the general estimate is  3% for men, and less than 1% in women [Personality Disorders and  Impulse Control Disorders, 238].
What is very disturbing about psychopaths, besides their sense of  special entitlement, is the complete lack of empathy for normal  people, for "antisocials (psychopaths) seem to lack a conscience,  feeling little or no empathy for the people whose lives they touch...the antisocial effortlessly resists all regulation, unable to  see beyond his self-interest or to adopt standards of right versus  wrong." [Black, XIII].
Not all psychopath are uneducated low-class misfits. Some of them are  quite handsome and have good careers, and use this all the more to  their benefit. Take a look at Ted Bundy; my friend's mother once went  on a double-date with him and claimed he was the nicest person. His  mother said he was the "best son any mother could have." Bundy was also apparently quite good-looking, which made him even more  dangerous. So not all psychopaths are derelict, low-class, high  school drop-outs, there are many who also work in professional  occupations; the fact remains that there are just more psychopaths who come from impoverished backgrounds than not.
Also, not all psychopaths are calm, cool, and collected. Some of them  appear strange or odd, and their behaviour can be eccentric or  unusual. I believe this is what can confuse victims most often.  Psychopaths often appear [see pictures here]: intense  and "electrifying". Do not be misled if someone appears  harmless, "foolish", or seems offbeat. An "angelic" visage can also  often fool people. Just picture John Wayne Gacy in his "clown  costume" as he entertained children as one example. Another example  which someone on the "Victims of Psychopathy" board came up with was  Bill Clinton and his "goofy" yet loveable demeanour (so is Clinton  really a psychopath? Many believe he is).
A psychopath (he was diagnosed anti-social) I knew used the harmless  cover-up quite well. Everyone thought he was very funny. I did too,  at first. Then, little by little, I realised there was something "not  right" about him. At first his seemingly harmless pranks were  charming, but after a while, he became more of a nuisance and  disrupted our work environment, which created havoc and tension  between employees. I've learned, a psychopath can use these disguises  for his own hidden purpose.Regardless of race, social class, or  occupation, however, the psychopath is dangerous to society, for "the nature of ASP (psychopathy) implies that it wreaks more havoc on  society than most other mental illnesses do, since the disorder  primarily involves reactions against the social environment that drag  other people into its destructive web...The despair and anxiety  wrought by antisocials (psychopaths) tragically affects families and  communities, leaving deep physical and emotional scars..." [Black, 5].
There is much to the psychopathic personality which is baffling and  disturbing. 1 in about 25-30 people are psychopathic (also known as  sociopaths or anti-social -- the correct title being psychopath.)  Since the majority or them are men, I wrote this site in part, to  warn women about the dangers, especially women online, which I  believe is a favourite "new medium" which appeals to psychopaths. I  have personal experience with this subject as well. This is  because "antisocials (psychopaths) are not just characters in our  fictional or true-life entertainments. They are family members,  friends, co-workers, neighbors, or strangers we may encounter every  day." [Black, 10]. Pamela Jayne, M.A., writes that "30% of men are  sociopathic." If about every three out of ten men I may meet are  psychopathic, I would assume this is not something to take lightly. According to these statistics, that would mean every three out of ten  men and maybe every one out of ten females. The truth is, we do not  really know exactly how many individuals are psychopathic; however,  there seems to be a rise in the prevalence of psychopathy and that is  why some claim that numbers are higher. Dr. Black claims that psychopathy leads right behind depression, along with schizophrenia  and borderline personality disorder, which is an astounding fact.


I am not sure I agree with his distribution of psychopaths by sex. All my experience is with women. But this is just my experience. Chasing skirts tends to give you a myopic sample.   

Tuesday, August 2, 2016

Longest Days



Seems like once upon a time ago
I was where I was supposed to be
My vision was true and my heart was too
There was no end to what I could dream
I walked like a hero into the setting sun
Everyone called out my name
Death to me was just a mystery
I was too busy raising up Cain

But nothing lasts forever
Your best efforts don't always pay
Sometimes you get sick
And don't get better
That's when life is short
Even in its longest days

So you pretend not to notice
That everything has changed
The way that you look
And the friends you once had
So you keep on acting the same
But deep down in your soul
You know you, you got no flame
And who knows then which way to go
Life is short even in its longest days

All I got here
Is a rear view mirror
Reflections of where I've been
So you tell yourself I'll be back up on top some day
But you know there's nothing waiting up there for you anyway

Nothing lasts forever
And your best efforts don't always pay
Sometimes you get sick
And you don't get better
That's when life is short
Even in its longest days

Life is short
Even in its longest days

Friday, July 29, 2016

Nice Shot



 I was watching a documentary about DJ AM (Adam Goldstein)  and about how Goldstein who was clean and sober for close to a decade but relapsed and ultimately died from an overdose after dealing unsuccessfully with the PTSD and survivors guilt he suffered after he survived a plane crash that took the lives of four of his friends. The guy turns to the camera and asks the interviewer and the audience if they know of anyone who survived a plane crash? Because I don't! Adam is the only person I know! And one of his old councilors said something that made me think. He was bringing up people like Jim Morrison and Jimi Hendrix and Kurt Cobain to give Goldstein's life and death the substance and gravity it deserves to be given and he says people lose sight of the fact that those stars were real people. People that really lived, and people that really died.  It's hard for people to make that leap. That we aren't speaking of some derelict stranger from across town. This was a real person we are referring to. That what for me was real and had consequences that were real, and I paid them and we are all living breathing creatures and not some actors in a movie. My life was not some game for anyone even though the sociopaths in my life made it into a cheap game for a cheap thrill. Those gunshots were real. That blood was real. The graves smelled of freshly opened earth and Adam really died. And for us it's not an abstract idea.... it really happened. I know most people logically understand that, but people have a tendency to view tragedy in others lives like some war in a foreign country.  And the body count doesn't represent real people. Or people that matter.  As long as the depraved sociopaths make it a game, a game is what it will remain.  We are all complicit if we let them get away with it. Which they will  as long as people turn a blind eye and don't call the sociopath out for their behavior when you see them doing something reprehensible.