Sunday, December 25, 2011

I feel sane about how crazy she is

There are two kinds of people in this world I  hate. Thieves and liars.  My mother  covers them both. Her and her boyfriend robbing a guy satisfies the first category. Not being able to believe a word  out of her mouth takes care of the  second. 
Every single word from her  is a lie. 
I   knew she was capable of bending the truth to suit her needs. But I have never seen anyone so far removed from reality.
After I went no contact, my sister told me about my mothers versions of events  that are beyond shameless.  
About the night my father died. 
She told my sister that she ran into the yard and held his hand. Begged him to hold on, and that help is on the way. 
She never got up from the dresser  where she was applying makeup. 
No one would have blamed her.
She had the presence of mind to warn my grandmother to not  look out the window.  There was no way to0 know what lay in wait outside. He could take a shot  at the open window thinking it was my mother.
That's the only rational thing I have heard her say or do.  There was nothing damning in her actions. Aside from her badgering him all the way to his grave.

She's why he did it.  She revised history to suit her needs.
 After her stroke, I brought her home from the nursing facility. We spoke of catching up on the years we barely saw one another.  I looked forward to hearing the adult perspective of all that. Things from  when I was too young to understand. 
She was  good about answering everything I asked.  She filled in pieces of the puzzle he left behind.
 Or so I thought. 
Any insight I gained about him went up in smoke after hearing that from my sister.
 It was the complete hollowing out of her. 
There is nothing there. 
She was making it all up as she went along.   


Shirley said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Vintage said...

You can't believe anything they say or do. When my dad died we were over for his funeral, before I left I ask for a picture of dad and myself, my mother gave me one of him and me as a baby, I have it framed up on the wall, my brother and his wife were round one day and she said oh that's nice you have a picture of your dad and Sam, her daughter, I'm no that's me, mum gave it me when dad died, she said no it's not I know what my daughter looks like as a baby. So here I was thinking I had a picture of me and my father finding some comfort from it and it wasn't me at all

q1605 said...

If they lie because they are too lazy to keep up with the truth, I might give'em a pass.
But they expend real effort creating that fantasy world where they live.
When it comes to creating chaos, or even just a little recreational mocking of loved ones, they are quite resourceful.

Anonymous said...

I also had one of those "HUH? WTF?" moments of absolute clarity.....and that was the beginning of the end for my MNmother. No illusions were left to kill off I guess. The blatant lying, the incomprehensible abuse/neglect became glaringly apparent.
The MNbitch was pure evil masquerading as a human being. No wonder her behavior in "public" felt so fake from the time I was a little one-it was; she was an actress and all the world WAS her stage.
There was NO humanity "there" anymore than there was a conscience. Positively devoid of any genuine decency, compassion, love, know, all the stuff that makes us human and allows them to manipulate the living hell out of us as we were growing up.
I remember sitting on the couch looking at her and thinking, "Game over, bitch."

q1605 said...

I don't like to be toyed with. The discussions I had with my mother were about some very real and very important things to me. The principles of the event are all gone save for she and I. My sister is alive but she was in LA.
To find out she would lie about and distort an event like this for momentary and unearned glory makes me want to throw up. There is nothing sacred to her. She doesn't see that her actions dilute her as much as it does others.

Anonymous said...

Yep. Exactly. And these really important discussions and "truths" were shown to be absolute disgusting, self-aggrandizing lies. Right there in black and white for me to see.....and MNbitch was positively shameless in showing them to me later. As if she was proud of her "accomplishments" and I was suppose to be a lap dog and swallow this crap without a blink-or bend over for it once again. I think the shrink-types call it "cognitive dissonance." I called it "Game over, bitch."

q1605 said...

I guess I will live just as long not knowing things about my father. He is and was a stranger. Both from the amount of time gone, and that viewed through an adult lens, I couldn't have really known what he was about then.
There may have been truths in the things my mother told me. But to know her recollections are peppered with half truths and lies contaminates it all.
So it all go's in the bin.

Lisa said...

Ick, your dad sounds a little psycho too. That thing about wanting a coffin for two people, with her. Reminds me of my dad, he's like that too. When he gets mad, he'll say things like, "You want me to kill you? Is that what you want? How about I die too? You and I both?" And it's just like, goddamn, fuck, you're just as insane as her! There's something really sick about that, being obsessed with a narcissist in their own crazy swirling fairytale of death. Well, buh bye, that story! These people are crazy yo.

And yeah, that's true. Nothing these psychopathic women say is true. Not a single damn thing. She can't even be trusted with one little detail. Simon says jump, she does the opposite.

q1605 said...

It's pretty crazy. And they played this shit out in front of me and my sister. Mainly me because by the time it all came to a head she was an adult and had moved out.
If nothing my parents were just rude. They wouldn't have acted this way on a bus full of strangers.

My second wife divorced me. We stayed loosely tied to each other and have reconciled and I am back living at the house.
I don't think her two daughters were aware we broke up. We barely raised our voices in front of them.