Wednesday, April 4, 2012


I stumbled across this obituary last summer. Lisette at House of Mirrors had posted it as well as myself. It bears repeating because it attests to the hard feelings we accrue over a life time of narcissistic wringing out at the hands of a parent. This obit made it all over the internet. It prompted some to contact the family and ask if it was real. And would they take it back if they could. 
There was no dissent from the family towards the son who wrote it. And they all insisted it be published as is. It perfectly captures the feelings I have about my mother.
She would rather be remembered like this, than to expend one calorie of energy to redeem herself.
 It's too late for her and I. Her actions after I went no contact were such that I could never trust her again on any level. 
It's apropos that my mothers middle name is Delores.  

Dolores Aguilar
1929 – Aug. 7, 2008
Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son, Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby.
She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.
Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing.
Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself. As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again.
There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.


vicariousrising said...

I love this. Especially after having to endure my mother's "eulogies" for my grandmothers funerals -- they were mostly about my mother and not the deceased and much of what she said was a pack of lies.

I can think of less than a dozen people who would even blink when my mom passes. Thank god for small favors.

Anonymous said...

Oh I am so glad you posted this! I have tried to find this again after reading it before so I could share it with my sister. I remember when I first read this,it really hit home for me! I couldn't believe that they were so open and honest about her behavior instead of glossing everything over once she had died!

Jonsi said...

Wow. Thanks for sharing this, Q.

The honesty of it is so refreshing.

q1605 said...

That obit made it to a lot of people's blogs and the consensus was how nauseating it was to attend a funeral and hear clergy that had never met the departed speak of them in glowing and unrecognizable words.

lifesizevision said...

What awesomely straight to the point, no nonsense obit. Usually, they're all "love love love" and "sad sad sad".

I agree with The Jonsi - quite refreshing indeed.

q1605 said...

You can tell that the writer was trying to be compassionate.
But stay true to the character of the deceased.
This is how they wants it.
This how they should gets it.
I can tell my mother thinks her death will bring a day of flags at half mast. Not so much.
She is a mean bitch who screwed the husband of every woman she ever called a friend. Pitted brother against sister. Husbands against wives.
I can't tell you why.
But as god is my witness, whenever good times were imminent, she was there to shit all over them.

upsi said...

At first I thought it was a joke, but Snopes confirmed that this thing really ran in the paper!

"But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself."

Way to have the last word, baby!

q1605 said...

Nothing would add insult to injury more than having to eulogize my mother and tell people that she was a kind person. There are soft spots in my heart for her, but they were not earned.
If I could take the stage at her funeral I would turn it into a Q&A and find out how she betrayed those in attendance.
How cathartic would that be?
Let all the people validate what a nasty bitch she was and we could go hit happy hour knowing this world has one less sociopath to fear.

Sweetness said...

My Narcissistic Adoptive Mother's name is Delores.