Sunday, April 22, 2012

Kudzu


  The mind of a malignant narcissist must be a satisfying place to live. Unencumbered by social graces, they foist an endless procession of mind games and head fucks on every one around them. Their victims litter the landscape of interpersonal relationships as they forge on to new lands taking no prisoners.
  We hear the psychiatric community tell us that their self serving exterior hides an unbalanced and conflicted sense of self.  That shame and self loathing are their constant companions. Spoken like someone who has read every book on personality disorded people, and really sees no need to have face time with one.
     I've never seen any evidence of their distress. Unapologetic and aloof to the end,  they lord their entitled selves over the poor slobs (that would be you and me) without the means for escape.
    I might could live with the qualities listed above if it weren't  for the hypocrisy.
  Two faced, candy ass, make you want to punch them in the face hypocrisy.  A narcissist will lecture someone one on the evils of smoking while they hold a lit cigarette in their hand.
   For an NPD,  hypocrisy is more that a persistent pattern of behavior. It's a lifestyle. They are forever telling lies and using transparent, counterfeit charm, in a constant attack to disarm and exploit.  Any tactic they can think of to deceive you and achieve the upper hand. All while proclaiming themselves a paragon of virtue. Noble benefactors of human kindness to the unwashed.
  Every malignant narcissist I know would crawl over their dying mother to fuck their sister.
   My mother says every woman in existence is the cheapest of sluts. Every woman but her. She would jabber on about all the cheap, lying,  faithless, sluts. Never stopping to think that I saw men trample her carpet threadbare in the pilgrimage to the bed she shared with my father.
   Not even a psychopath would run their mouth like a narcissist and not cringe.  Their words are like shrapnel. They keep flinging them in every direction until they hit something. Doesn't have to make a lick of sense.
  My mother once told my wife to tell me that while she was in the hospital I could use her house to boink  women on the side.
If they ever listened to themselves they would shut the fuck up.

  As if it's not bad enough to sit there and listen to them churn out the most stinking bunch of bullshit one has ever heard.  To call them on their obnoxious mouth is to invite all the lies and character assassination that follows. I mean even more character assassination on top of all the business as usual bullshit they dole out anyway.  They expect to steamroll every one their whole life through, and we are just supposed to take it. They don't notice the rolling eyes. The mouths falling open. The fervent glances from others in the room that says,"surely she didn't say what I just heard her say"?
  Oh she said it.
  My mother called me a liar for pointing out things I saw her do with my own eyes. Lectured me on how to feel about things she said. Or told me any dust up was my fault for not understanding what is was she was trying to say.
  What I do want to know is how do they sustain this perfect art of self deception. What allows them to inhabit this fairy tale that exists between their ears? How do they hold on to two completely differing realities without one crowding in on the other.
Can they hold mutually exclusive beliefs simultaneously?
Can they shift from one reality to another that quick?
Do they know what kind of wing nuts they really are?
   No normal person could stoop to the depths of a narcissist and not feel shame. I guess when an NPD does something morally reprehensible he just declares himself morally righteous? Even when their words fly in the face of their actions.  Who gives a fuck what others think.  I have liberated my realities by selectively disavowing contradictory moral imperatives. Thus, I can merge these realities and they can co-exist without conflict.  
  Sounds like denial to me. But in the spirit of narcissism I will say they accentuate the positive and eliminate the negative.
What I really think is that their head is one huge tangle of misfiring synapses, and if you are saddled with an NPD you should just be glad they can shit and hit the can and manage to flush without rubbing it all in their hair.








4 comments:

Lisa said...

Shame and fear? Bullshit. Narcissists don't feel it.
Exactly. It isn't what they do, it's that they have absolutely no feelings about it afterwards. It's not that they're just shameless, they're PROUD of it. It's not what they do that gets me, it's their remorselessness. In fact, they'll just keep doing more of it.
It'd be good if they were kookoocrazy and didn't know how to function, but that's exactly it. They live to destroy. They keep themselves going because they want to do more damage. That's their purpose, to keep their machine in perfect running order so they can do more damage. They are PSYCHOpaths. They are evil. They are the bane of every human's existence.

q1605 said...

Yeah. The quickest way to get narc to do something is to ask them to quit doing it.
Shame and fear.
Ha. They are the spoiled brats of the universe.
I actually over heard one describe to another person about how he gets his way. And he basically said I throw down anytime any where.
True story.

vicariousrising said...

I dunno. I agree with almost all of this, but I think my mother is filled with fear. I wish you could spend an hour with her (no, not because I don't like you. I think you could manage her just fine) and give me your assessment.

I don't think my mother's fear changes her rush to change reality or malign those who deny her her rightful place among the gods. I don't think it would change her tune if anyone challenged her. But ever since I began to realize what a nut she is, I also sensed a deep terror in her. I think the enormity of that terror is what frightens me the most about her -- what will a cornered animal do to protect its preservation of self? My mother would sooner blow up the world than admit she's a failure.

q1605 said...

VR> People need to start listening to me. And listen to you too. There are narcissist and sociopath's and narcissist that will be declared sociopath's after they do something that shows them to be the biggie size creeps they really are.
If my mother could be observed in the wild she would be diagnosed NPD.
That's with no consideration of her criminal past. Factor that in and she fits right in to the sociopath mold.
What I am saying is narcs are sociopath's. Low stake holding sociopath's.