Wednesday, May 2, 2012

Rantifabricus Rex




If attracting internet stalkers like turds draw flies equals internet achievement, color me successful. 
There are shit buckets full of google stalking, random clicking, unbalanced lunatics, passing through the blog-o-sphere like wayward comets. They spread their dumb-assery wherever they go, and they are always looking for new ways to take offense. If you cross their frequency you can get their stink on you like stepping in dog shit. 
They do all the things that you would expect a wing nut to do. Carpet bomb blog posts with profanity laced comments.  Then ease off and  temper their words to try and lull their way through. Ignore them there, and they begin e-mailing you personally and sending lame attempts to phish for your pass word so they can hack into your personal e-mail account. Like this;

Dear Member,
We found out that your AOL login information's records are out of date.
This requires an update of your login information.
Please take several minutes from your online experience and update your login.
Please update your login right now.
As you have updated your account login your AOL
session will not be interrupted.
Please click the link below to update your login:
Click here. (I disabled the link)
Thanks for using AOL,
The AOL Member Services Team

There is no investigation department.  And aol never asks for your login info.

And this;

Dear Valued AOL Member,


We apologize for the inconvenience but recently when attempting to bill your standard fee for your AOL service on your current method of payment the transaction was declined. Possible reasons for this may be the current method of payment has expired or has reached its maximum limit.

In order to continue your AOL service uninterrupted please go to the link provided here to proceed to the AOL member services center.
 Within 24 hours of AOL receiving this billing update from the customer you will be sent a verification letter confirming the change.

If this is not complied with we will have no choice but to terminate the account within 72 hours of this email being sent.

Sincerely,
Joe Torelli, Advisor of
the AOL Billing Center
With Regards,
AOL

There is no Joe Torelli with AOL. I checked. They are interested in who is fobbing themselves off as an official.

Like we would fall for the ruse.



Crazies will fixate on one particular blog and decide it is all about them. They think that there are hidden meanings encrypted and woven into the lines of text.  As if they are the internet CSI, and the blog is a verbal jigsaw puzzle only they can decipher and piece together.
They read posts over and over and over until a pattern emerges and some hidden message coalesces before their eyes.  Like  bloggers have created a whole universe of invasive slights aimed directly at them and it's just waiting to be deciphered.  They become a self reinforcing loop of babble ship lunacy. I could get one of my stalkers committed to an involuntarily 72 hour psyche observation if I wanted to document his crapola and notify authorities.
It matters not that people blog about things that have an immediate impact on their life. To the stalker that's a red herring to throw them off the scent of the real intent. Which is to drag out their deepest and darkest secrets and expose them to the world for the unhinged drooling lunatics they really are.
What are you hiding?
You of the lunatic fringe.
You guys doth protest too much me thinks.
No blogger need point you out.
You drip insanity like flop-sweat.
This blog is not the Huffington Post.
No one has found the bodies in the crawl space under your house.
Why would I waste my time on you?
Insane people are always sure that they are fine. It is only the sane people who are willing to admit that they are a little crazy.
I made a blood pact with myself.. I will never record anything in spoken word and upload it to this blog. If one of these guy's ever download's streaming audio of me, and plays it in reverse, I am doomed. We all know what happened after Charles Manson listened to Helter Skelter backwards. 

18 comments:

Jonsi said...

Methinks you make a good point...or ten.

Anonymous said...

wag-one richard third! blague reh teh teh. pork pies and mickey bliss. wat a berk bang to rights. off ones nuts done up like a kipper a hampton wick a lag ’n darbies. rinsed numpty. tosspot use yer loaf fore its bang up ‘ime, ginger ale! cheers

q1605 said...

The lord of the flies cometh.

Jonsi said...

Hmm. I am unfamiliar with that particular dialect of crazy.

q1605 said...

It's the call of the batshiticus maximus. They share common ancestor's with the loud rant but branched off the evolutionary tree back when every one was still using dial-up.

Anonymous said...

Apparently someone set up The Tent, brothas and sistas! Come to Jaysus! Repent! The End of the World is Coming! (So sayeth the Mayan Calendar...or maybe they just got tired and figured if civilization of some sort was still around, they could pick up the dates from there, but I digress.)
So this particular dialect is called, "Speaking in Tongues." In the bad old days when someone was this wacked and they couldn't even fill the role of Court Jester, they'd just cut out the tongue. Now we shoot 'em up with Thorazine or Haldol and let 'em sleep it off until it's time for the next shot-which is precisely when they wake up again. I'm not trying to make fun of mentally ill people. Some of them-like this one-do it all by themselves!
TW

Lisa said...

CHEERS!

Molly said...

I don't usually comment on this type of thing but it isn't dialect it seems to be rhyming slang. (London England) eg.'pork pies' / lies ; ginger ale/ jail; use yer loaf/ use your head......tis sad.

q1605 said...

If the guys straight up, I'll be the first one to take a bite out of my hat. But you wouldn't believe some of the shit we have to wade through to keep one of these things going.
I don't mind your random nut. In fact I welcome them. But some of these guys are about as funny as a turd in the punch bowl.
As you can see, I have very strict standards about the content of my blog.
NOT!

Anonymous said...

You are a Sociopath, a Liar, a Criminal, an Interloper, a Leech and a Motherfucking Loser.


Why don't you share this with all your bloggie buddies? Huh, you little Fucking PUNK?


You are pathetic and you have most definitely Fucked with someone you never should have.

q1605 said...

Molly. Is this last comment dialect, or rhyming slang?

Molly said...

It's none of the above.

Bet you any money I could pick him out in a crowd though. He's the guy with the purple face who's jumping up and down.

Made me laugh.......bless him!

Anonymous said...

Listen Up Punk, You want to talk about "involuntarily 72 hour psyche observation" well your blog post qualifies you for that AND possibly some involuntary jail time. You've dug yourself a big hole pal. And you keep digging it deeper. You don't have a free pass on anything. Get it?

Anonymous said...

Ah, zoccaro, frasca, merduso, piscialetto, sauteriello de zimmaro, pettola a culo, chiappo de ‘mpiso, mulo canzirro! ente, ca pure le pulece hanno la tosse! va’, che te venga cionchia, che mammata ne senta la mala nuova, che non ce vide lo primmo de maggio! Va’, che te sia data lanzata catalana o che te sia dato stoccata co na funa, che non se perda lo sango, o che te vangano mille malanne, co l’avanzo e priesa e vento alla vela, che se ne perda la semmenta, guzzo, guitto, figlio de ‘ngabellata, mariuolo!

Lisa said...

Wow, fucked with a capital F!!!

This requires an update of your login information. Please take several minutes from your online experience and update your login.
Please update your login right now.

He probably had to edit that from Please update your login right NOW YOU MOTHERFUCKING PIECE OF SHIT.

q1605 said...

I think we all think a bit like lunatics.
We just know when to keep our mouths shut.

Anonymous said...

"This is not a shrewish bitch seeking the last refuge of vindictiveness on recalcitrant ex husbands and you know it."
I know and you know, who wrote this. She doesn't possess the vocabulary or grammar to write such a sentence. You are the driving force behind much of this. Obviously, your Mom cut you out of the inheritance so you both have picked your "mark" to get money. You both obviously want to extort me and then kill me. Well, congratulations it's working.

q1605 said...

Evidently not!