Tuesday, May 15, 2012

The best way to tell how crazy they are.



 Are you still unsure of the magnitude of crazy you receive from the disordered person in your life? Cluster-B's possess an instinctive ability to gas light the people around them with such varying intensities that it will keep you off balance forever. I was never sure if she was the crazy one, or if it was me. She would get me  to the point of being convinced that she was crazy as a shit house rat, and then turn on the charm and make me feel horrible for ever thinking she was anything less than a saint.
What really separates a malignant narcissist from the garden variety ass hole, is their pathological inability to forget the smallest slight. No matter how relentless the battering from them that pushes us over the edge, confronting a cluster-B on their childish behavior is to have your actions thrown back in your face forever.
 Their actions are minimized away and soon forgotten. You're defense from them is reinforced and hyper-inflated. That you finally stood your ground is something they must punish you for. It changes the dynamic between you and the narcissist for all times. They will never forget. They will never forgive. The insult is in the eye of the narcissist. And the eye of the narcissist is critical and jaundiced.
Once a person begins to establish a healthy boundary between themselves and the narc, they are insulted merely because you exist.
For me, the one time I stood my ground with my mother was the beginning of the end.  My words  corrected nothing. She was back to her her same old self as soon as the conversation was over. I just gave her rages justification, and I gave her an all purpose excuse to become difficult.

My mother still swims bitter creek over HER mother giving away one of her dresses to the family of a girl that lived on a farm down the road. A family that was just this side of starving.
That was over 70 years ago. 
A home made dress sewed from cheap fabric.  She still works herself into a frenzy about it.  It would be entertaining in small doses. Hearing about the old days. But she is not recounting old times. She would rant about the conspiracy she endured and how her parents took what was hers without asking. She would smack the arm of her sofa over and over about how they stole her dress.
 Any situation in which she has to give the slightest concession infuriates her. Because the barbarian doesn't concede. She only takes what she wants. If she ever gave something away,  it was because someone stood over her and forced her to be gracious.








6 comments:

Anonymous said...

I just saw this, so funny she still goes on about that. She told me years ago, and I thought what a weird thing to complain about from decades past. Yep, it's about 'me, me, I want, I take'. I think that sums up the thinking on their part.

Sis

q1605 said...

I think she is still waiting for you to pay her back for those white hip huggers she bought you.

Anonymous said...

actually I think it was grandma H. who bought them. I don't remember our mother ever buying us clothes.

Sis

q1605 said...

Mom never bought us any clothes. She spent all of her money on condoms, sexual jams and jellies, edible panties, a bucket of axle grease, and to regularly steam clean the pecker tracks from her back seat.
Granny H bought you those?
She wouldn't let us bring a deck of cards in her house, but she payed for Satan's denim frocks?
Even more things that will never add up.
Like the Dalai Lama told Carl Spackler:
Gunga galunga... gunga, gunga-lagunga.

Anonymous said...

I don't think she realized what she was ordering out of the Penney's catalog. By the time I was 13 she would have me peruse the catalog and pick out what I wanted. As far as our mother, she was too busy buying herself clothes, and a whole boatload of them. But really sad that a mother not once thought it would be fun to buy her own children clothes?? What new mom doesn't like picking out cute baby clothes?

Sis

Anonymous said...

Isn't that the truth? Even now as much as I hate shopping if I get lost in some big-box store near the kids clothes I'll go look at them just because they make me smile. Sis, did she ever steal/"borrow" your clothes?
The flip side to never forgetting some imagined "transgression" is never letting you forget when they "accidentally" or intentionally did something FOR you as a manipulative measure-like provide food or shelter. Apparently basics like food, clothing and shelter are the hallmarks of "good" parenting, keep the authorities off the parents back or radar and require your utmost and undying appreciation for their "efforts."
I think you and Sis would have fared better if you had been raised or left with grandma permanently. I would have fared better if I had been left with a pack of wolves. The wildlife I watch outside really DOES a much better job at rearing their young than what we experienced.
TW