Thursday, June 21, 2012

But Daddy!







I sent this to the guy that was boning my mother more regularly than all the other swinging dicks were boning her back when she got knocked up with me. 
He's in his 80's now.
 For all I know he is so demented he doesn't  know what day it is. 
That's OK
Someone in his family can read it to him if he is that incapacitated.
 I have no ideal if my mother ever told my father about boning their canasta partner.
 It's my life and childhood.  
Considering the so avoidable night mare my mother turned it all into.
 I can embellish if I want.
Fuck her. 
Fuck'em all.
If no one was looking she would have heaved me in a dumpster on the way back from the hospital. 
A fate I would have preferred over what I got. 
I am glad I get pissed off instead of depressed. 
I come home and run one of our cats down the garbage disposal and I feel much better.







14 comments:

Tundra Woman said...

For all we know, Dad may have been doin' "The Texas Screw-Step" with his wife. Between hands of "Can-Ass-Ya?"
TW

Tundra Woman said...

BTW, are you gettin' over-loaded with cats down there? I remember you said somethin' about your wife liking cats. I've never had to go looking for a cat. They magically appear which I guess is the fate of anyone who lives on a back road. My late DH had a cat who absolutely despised me: They "bonded" when we first got married and I was working out of the country a lot. That cat made it very clear there was only ONE "Pussy" in our household and if she could help it, it wasn't gonna be ME. After he died, she demonstrated on a daily basis I was a piss-poor substitute. When The Cat With The Attitude was on her last legs, the CURRENT fur-ball showed up one morning when it was -20 and I was letting the first one out. That kitten payed not a bit of attention to this big, white hissing, spitting, growling thing and I had a lightbulb moment (heh, heh...) Trouble came in has stayed in for the last 18 yrs. I cried like a fool when I had to have his old cat put down. I even sprung for the extra $$ to have it cremated. The cat "cremains" are in with his "cremains" in 2 17century brass and bronze urns from an old church in England I picked up on line with the "overflow" in a nice big Ginger jar. (He was a LARGE guy-not fat, just tall and big-boned.) It all fits in with the home "decor" so no one knows what's in there unless they look inside and ask. If you're that nosey, you deserve the heart-attack when you get the answer-which is about what happened to my housekeeper: One day she was in my BR and she yelled to me, "Hey, what's IN these things?" "George. And Madame Pink Ears, The Cat With The Attitude." She flew out of that room, pale as hell and screamed, "I'VE BEEN DUSTIN' DEAD PEOPLE?" "Yep. And a dead feline too. As George always said, "If ya don't want the answer, don't ask the question." " I noticed she leaves that stuff alone now. And has stopped poking around in stuff when she thinks I'm not looking.
The 4-legged stealth fart-ball has a vet appointment tomorrow. I'm already getting everything in place: The carrier is on top of the dryer, I stopped at the auto parts place on my way home today and picked up the "artillery shells" (to bomb the inside of the car when I get home) and the car windows will be left open over night tonight and probably for the next couple. The last of the cash and change has been rounded up.
When I got home I found the light, phone and Dish bills in the mailbox. I came inside, went to the fridge to open the door for a cold one.....and the handle broke off in my hand. sigh. Remember when "Durable Goods" really WERE? This fridge isn't even 6/7 yrs. old.
Thanks for that letter-I REALLY needed a chuckle after this day. Maybe he's gettin' kind of "confused" and used it for TP, figurin' it wasn't the right size for Depends. When did you send it?
TW

vicariousrising said...

I've always liked the phrase "mortal coil" but don't know why. Haven't found a reason to use it in a sentence yet. So don't you now feel special?

q1605 said...

But of course!

q1605 said...

TW. I sent it about June of 2010. I left my mother's house about October of 2009.

q1605 said...

TW. About the cats. We still have ONLY 5. My two step daughters kept jockeying to add more. Always with the promise of perpetual cat litter scooping and ever present attention to keeping them fed.
I don't think they ever sifted the cat box and when I come in from work, I get mauled with all the ferocity of five starving cheetah's.

Tundra Woman said...

Wow. Do you need a "Shelter Permit" or something to harbor that MANY cats? A Zoning Permit?
Apparently the 4-legged residents know who "owns" the can opener. Or how to open a flip top or a bag. Those litter boxes (gawd, there ARE multiples, right?) must fill up awfully quick. I only have one of 'em and it gets scooped every night. They ARE all fixed, right? If they're all females you're seriously out-numbered. Is there a story behind how all these turned up?
Maybe you can tell the kids THEY have to buy all the materials and then THEY have to build a barn first.....a VERY LARGE barn with a hip roof and haymow before any more felines move in.
To try to put a more positive spin on the pussy situation I bet you've never had a mouse or any critter even DARE to attempt entry.
TW

Tundra Woman said...

(PS: How many guys must envy you when you tell 'em you live in a "Cat House!")
TW

q1605 said...

Never thought of it that way.
Talk about accentuating the positive.
I can tell people a am a guitar player in a cat house. Ahahahah!!!

q1605 said...

If they weren't fixed, I would have been forced out long ago.

Tundra Woman said...

Perfect! "A gee-tar player livin' in a Cat House!"
Nonetheless, I can just imagine the food and litter budget-maybe the girls need to get PT jobs to pay for the food, vet bills and litter. Tell 'em it's "OJT" for when they have their 2-legged kids. AND they're STILL gettin' off easy and NO, they don't wanna test THAT reality!
TW

q1605 said...

We could have sent them to Harvard on the cat litter expense alone.
#1 is out of the house keying cars and #2 is twenty feet away blasting rap.

Sweetness said...

You guys are freakin' hilarious. I used to have a pussy problem, but the humane society fixed that. That psychopath I married insisted on getting TWO cats, but he left all the work to me (but he would scoop the boxes on occasion, just to leave the bags of eye-burning ammonia pissballs and gravel-coated tootsie rolls in my laundry room garbage can, making me gag every time I walked in there. Always stunk like a ballpark shitter.). The next pet will be a dog, maybe in 20 years.

Tundra Woman said...

Don't wait 20 yrs., sweetness. By that time you may need a sled dog to pull you around in a wheel chair! If I'm still around (gawd, I hope not) I'll send ya a gen-U-whine ("oooOOOOWWWWOOOOOooooo") one!
TW