If there is a way that I can wring even one more drop of mockery enjoyment from my life with that bat shit loon of a douche slut mother, sign me up.
My mother never gave a nano-seconds thought about me before she said or did something that unleashed an avalanche of dire and irrevocable consequences cascading down on my unsuspecting ass.
The effects of her mindless bullshit, bullshit that was just an afternoon's toss off fun for her, had such far reaching effects on my life that I am still paying for her reckless disregard of me.
She gave to me. So I give to her.
The Barbarian had been having an affair with a neighbor of hers. It started long before my step father died.
And being only fuck buddies with the guy, she got to know and become friends with one of his booty calls.
This booty call was married and ran around with any number of other men.
The woman's husband was driven half crazy trying to catch this skank fucking around.
He was never successful.
But he always had his doubts.
And he had his doubts about this neighbor of my mothers.
Since my mothers goal was to make me a pariah to the people in my life, I responded in kind.
I sent this husband a letter so he might know that his suspicions were not unfounded.
The only thing worse than her friend banging this guy behind her husbands back, would be if it was another of one of my mother's lies. But if my mother go's around lying about her friend's they should know.
Mary is her faithless friend.
Billy is Mary's long suffering husband.
Eric who died a couple of years ago is the guy "writing" this letter that culminates in bursting out into a karaoke version of a Zappa song.
I was really really really pissed at my mother.
She took everything I hold dear and casually wiped her ass with it.
Turn about is fair play.
I am linking you to the Zappa song. If you do not listen to the song while reading the words, you are not allowed to continue. I have ways of finding you out.
My Dearest Mary.
Do not let Billy read this over your shoulder. This is your faithful lover and confidant Eric. Last night some drunk in a pick up truck clipped a telephone pole and knocked the lines down across my grave. I am able to dial in and tell you the things I never did when we were younger and so in love. Things I have been dying to tell you since ..well since I died. Mary my love for you is deathless. It binds me to you with mighty cables like the ether net across my grave. The memories of the blissful moments I spent with you creep over me and my gratitude is to god and to you that I enjoyed them for so long.
But Mary, if the dead could come to life and flit amongst the living. I shall always be near you. In your gladdest days and in your darkest nights. I am the cool breeze as it fans your throbbing temples.
Mary do not mourn me dead; think that I am but gone and I wait for thee, for we shall meet again.
Mary this song is in my heart is for you.
Give me..........................Your dirty love
Like you might surrender to the dragon in your dreams
Give me............................Your dirty love
Like a pink donation to the dragon in your dreams
I don’t need your sweet devotion
I don’t need your cheap devotion
Just whip me up some dragon lotion
For your dirty love ...yeah
Like that tacky little pamphlet in Billie’s bottom drawer
Give me.........................your dirty love
I don’t believe you’ve never seen that book before
I don’t need no consolation
I don’t need no reservation
Sneak out while Billie’s shaving
give me..................your dirty love
like your mamma made the that nasty poodle doo
Give me..................your dirty love
the way your mama made that nasty poodle chew
I’ll ignore your cheap aroma
And your little bo-beep diploma
I’ll knock you in a coma with my dirty love
* In retrospect I wished I would have burned a CD and included it. But that might have killed him and there is no statue of limitations on murder.
** No contact is what you make it. Throw yourself into it. It can redefine your soul!