Sunday, June 24, 2012
More of what I hate.
Have you ever been in a relationship with a member of the opposite sex that ended up like the Hindenburg's final approach?
And how you would do anything to make it right? Anything except to seek this person out with hat in hand and make amends. Because they were the ultimate architect in the undoing of it all, and doing that would only embolden them and their destructive ways and reinforce their perceptions of you as weak and someone to be trampled on and taken advantage of and as being disposable?
Well that's the way I feel about my mother.
If she never makes a move, then a move will never be made. Because she has reduced the relationship between a mother and child into a transaction and all the concomitant bargaining that follows. I said what I wanted to say to her, and in answer for all her years of her unspeakable abuse, I got a blank wall in return.
So like a run of the mill relationship, he who speaks next...... loses.
And I am OK with that. As much as I post and belly ache, she has made me a person that is ready, willing, and able to accept the most adverse consequences in life and move on to the next place to camp.
I wasn't born with the wherewithal to forge through hardship. Life with her indoctrinated me for it.
So she will die as she lived.
Surrounded by sycophants.
And standing on the necks of those that might have loved her as only family can.
That's what infuriates me about her. She has taken the most sacred and given of all relationships and done what she has done with all the other relationships in my life that she could wiggle into and ruin.
I hope she burns in hell.