I saw her when I saw her, and didn't when I didn't. Even when she was in town, if I could find somewhere else to be, I was somewhere else. From the age of 15 to 18.
At 18 I moved out from my grandmother's and had a job and was enrolled in college.
So what happens?
She calls me from Kansas City. My step father was working there and that's where they were living for a few month's. She asks me to drop out of school, quit my job, and move up there with her.
I almost did.
That obedient child kicked in and like a zombie woof, I considered this proposition. Reality kicked in and I thought......I'm fucking 18 years old. I am an adult. I have my own life. So I am not sure what this is about.
All I said to the barbarian was thanks, but no thanks. Over the phone she broke down sobbing, but what the fuck did she expect? I may be a game to her but not to myself.
Then she started in on something that didn't surprise me then or now. Only now I can see how out of touch this person is with any sort of the reality we live in.
She started calling me every name in the book. She said you little bastard. You motherfucking little shit. See if I ever do a single thing for you ever again. You'll never get a penny from me. I will die before I help you ever.
I let it go. This wasn't the first or the worst tantrum I endured from her so it was just all in a days business for me. But processing all this on my blog dredges things like this up and lets me view this through the lens of an adult.
It was a knee jerk tantrum. One that might be forgiven from someone who had never murdered someone. Some one who had not driven the family around you down like dogs. But from her it is one of those little balloons bubbling up from the tar pit of their psyche that lets you know there is some twisted thinking down below.