Friday, July 6, 2012

He who loves least WINS!

I am now  determined to examine the motivation of estranged parents until I make sense of them. They are lessor versions of my mother. But it's still all for show. They are all Mary Poppins on steroids. Mary Poppins with questionable goals.
The Daily Strength group seems to think that parenting exempts them from the consequences that results from backing another adult into a corner.
That they choose lack of self awareness as a tactic to excuse behavior they know is wrong will be their undoing. 
The Daily Strength group seem sure their adult kids don't play by the rules. 
Their rules say that children are indebted to them for their life. The parent must be treated with dignity and respect, no matter what nastiness they have pulled on their kid.
By "giving" their child life, the child must humble themselves for eternity.
They say they like and miss the old ways, and the old ways say we must defer to our elders.
In my old world way, the elderly were people I looked up to. The generations from before my parents took the time to tell me of  their old ways and how to live a measured life. There was never a doubt who was in charge.  But they guided us young ones with a light touch and we knew our voice would be heard and given the same weight as any one else.
When we wanted to do reasonable things they rarely said no. And a no answer was followed with a logical explanation of why it would not be. We were never guests when we visited my grand parents and aunts and uncles and who knows what. We became part of a temporary democracy.
My grandmother would take me craw-dad fishing. I never asked. We would get ready to walk her fence and she would break out some bacon and line and after we were done checking the fence we veered off to the tank. 
 I thought my grand mother was crazy because she would make toast with the heel of the bread even when there were still nice slices of the loaf left. Now I know she didn't care for it more than the better slices. She left the better slices for the children and for her mother who was still living. I now do the same thing with my steps.
They were the type to be caught smiling at their grandchildren if they thought no one was looking. Smiling that they are party to a child's experience. And smiling at the certainty that their memory would live on in their grand child. 
They took comfort in the knowledge that as an adult their grand children would tell their children about this person who effected me the way they hope I am effecting them now. And they were right. She lives on in my sisters heart and in mine. I tell anyone that will listen about the way she was.
Daily Strength is comprised of the biggest bunch of blowhards I have seen since the republican party caucused in Dallas back in the 80's.
They haven't earned an iota of respect. The child life I speak about wasn't blind dedication to ass holes just because they got caught out with no condom and I came to be. It's was about what the DS people say they are about. But it was not lip service. The age tier above my parents got respect because respect is what they commanded. It was given freely and without reservation. It was given without them asking. 
They were given  respect because respect is what they gave us in return.
I can't fathom what it is the Daily Strength calls love or respect.  I think they use the word love interchangeably with submission.
Their love is not patient.
It envies and boasts and dishonors.
It delights in evil and hides truth.
Their love betrays.
It is short sighted, and self seeking.
Their love is the love of self.
Over youth.
Over age.
Over any thing that gets between them and what their entitlement tells them they deserve.
I have to agree with Lisa of El Lay.
They are psychopaths who are so full of shit that you dare not squeeze their heads lest it squirt out their ears.



lifesizevision said...

I think you've put it very succinctly.

Also this: "Daily Strength is comprised of the biggest bunch of blowhards I have seen since the republican party caucused in Dallas back in the 80's." was wonderful.

Adela Alba said...

They are so dismissive over their of their children's experiences it makes me want to vomit.

Oh they gave this, and this, and that, and oh my, they must have been too good to them! (Gag me.) As such, they are clearly entitled to their child's body and soul for the rest of their lives.

YEAH, RIGHT. They really need to read Jane English's essay "What do Grown Children Owe Their Parents?" (SPOILER ALERT: Nothing) Or this excellent scene from Guess Who's Coming to Dinner:

I'm sure some of them really do have horrible adult children, just like we have horrible parents. There are plenty of nasty people in the world, after all, but there's no way for me to tell which parent is really sincere and which is a blowhard. Although I think it's pretty safe to say that any of them who come to our blogs are blowhards...

Tundra Woman said...

I'm not naive enough to believe that some EPs have truly, truly loved their children and have pulled out all their resources-emotional, financial, psychological etc. to help their kids; after all, remember the EPs we're addressing were children once as well. I can only imagine the heartbreak THEIR parents must have endured. They were nasty kids that became nasty adolescents, nasty young adults and nastier adults, if possible. And here they are, at such sites as you and other Bloggers have referred to.
However, the manner in which the non-PD parent responds to NC does NOT reflect the "tactics" or responses the PD parents use. The consistency of the "Playbook" of these PD parents speaks to the historical genesis of their PD and likely the hell THEIR parents must have suffered.
I'm thinking of your grandmother and her struggles with The Barbarian. Her unconditional love for her daughter led to gma's inability to ever D&D, stop loving, ever stop hoping her daughter would somehow do the right thing as evidenced for example in gma's Will.
But overall, the EPs who seem to frequent these sites are NOT your gma: They're now "EPs" through their own doing. I can not believe they truly loved, cherished, supported and encouraged their kids. Ever. And these EPs references to "karma" (revenge) which seems to be a recurring theme has come home to roost when the AC terminates the relationship Their inability to grasp the absurdity of this "logic" speaks IMO to the reality of their absurd and twisted "world."

vicariousrising said...

I find it kind of funny how so many of these estranged parents have more than one child estranged from them and STILL don't get it.

These people are so willfully blind, I think they must stab themselves in the eye with spikes every morning.

Scatha said...

I agree with the saying that "age is not a virtue, it is merely a state". The same goes for parenthood.

Those grandparents were respected because they have earned it with wisdom, patience and tons of love.

Our parents think they deserve all the same just because they happened to be able to reproduce.

Lisa said...

I'm iffy about the grandma being a victim. I don't know if she struggled with your mom. I'm not sure what being stupid has to do with unconditional love. From what I remember, it sounded more like she liked everything the way it was. Yeah, maybe she was vaguely perplexed, but the idea of it changing was even worse. It seems more like she was preoccupied with better things to do, than hang out with her stupid grandkids.

Same goes to your dad. I don't think of him as a victim and I don't count his suicide as a suicide. He took real suicide and other people's real pain and turned it into some big sign for himself. I think your dad just liked being the martyr and suicide was like one of the ultimate moves of martyrdom, only he was too idiotic to realize that it would actually kill him. If he came back to life after killing himself, he would continue being the harassing idiot he was. He didn't do it for any real reason, he did it for the fame. Just like anything else he did, only this one killed him. And he didn't even know it would! He wanted to do it! He liked it! He wanted to outdo your mom and get the big laugh in the end so that he could be the better guy! By OUTDOING your mom! Makes sense, homicide, suicide, check and mate. I think they are both crazy!

Bess said...

Your comments about your democratic relatives made me nostalgic for my grandparents. They were a bright light for me. I always shake my head and wonder how such a bastard as my father came from two such wonderful people.

q1605 said...

I know what you mean Bess. My grandparents were the most fantastic salt of the earth people I have known.
Their kids are the most sleazy racist cheating drunken louts on record.
Have you seen the movie "The Help"
All the generations leading up to the one dominating the that time period were gracious and kind and decent.
Their kids were ass hats.

q1605 said...

Lisa. I have struggled to find words to follow your comment.
Can't do it. You have the fuck-tards dead to rights.