Sunday, July 8, 2012

Interview with the Estranged Parent.

I have but one thing to say to you my precious child. 
Oh fruit of my loins.





Q: Your child is not dead. Say that to your self a few times. As of this moment there is nothing irrevocable about your estrangement. The histrionics and hyperbole posted on your site is disingenuous and embarrassing. If you invested half that effort into a genuine reconciliation with your child, there wouldn't have to be a site like Daily Strength, and the ACON's could disband too. Can you address this thought?

DS: I don't know where all these bad kids came from. I'm using the word "bad", as a generic word for the various thoughtless attitudes we run into with our EC's. I am oversimplifying this - but "bad people had to come from somewhere - and damn our luck - some of them came from some of us, imo. I don't think there are as many reasons as we look for to explain what happened with our EC's. We could ask ourselves "why" until the day we die - and that's way too long to bury ourselves in this pain.

Q: That didn't answer my question. It made very little sense. And this pain you speak of is self inflicted. I don't see the people on your site seeking resolution. I see people  spouting mindless platitudes and bragging about how long it's been since they saw their kids.
This isn't alcoholics anonymous. Long period's of abstinence from your child is  not better.

DS: For so very long in this 8 year saga, I could not stop crying and started and ended my day with thoughts of my ED and my granddaughters. I prayed for that pain to be taken away. It was so unbearable.
I cannot cry anymore nor can I feel my other feelings the same - don't laugh a lot and have a very good sense of humor. I feel like I need to cry but can't.

Q: I don't mean to make light of your pain, but if it so unbearable you could become proactive in this thing and at least try and find what it is that makes your child so unhappy and help fix it.

DS: My first recommendation for you will take some time to read posts and I think it will help. The simple power of PWW, PEACE, and CPEAC is by reading and sharing of our estrangement experiences so we don’t feel so totally isolated or alone anymore.

Q: But that does nothing toward owning your behavior. If you only seek ways to justify your behavior and rationalize it, you end up no closer to a solution than when you started.

DS: We are a new breed of homies here. We don't just let them run us over anymore, we get out of the way. Yes, we do need love - real love that our EC are unable to give at this point. But thank God we have others in our lives who can love us as we deserve and better yet we can love ourselves too. Hugs to you home - I totally get how you feel.

Q: All I am saying is maybe your should try sharing this with your child. Seek them out and be willing to compromise.

DS: We know how our estranged adult children are behaving. They aren't responding or maybe they respond in negative ways. They behave selfishly or manipulatively. Some of us have seen this behavior or similar behavior even before the estrangement began.

Q: I think you like being a martyr.

DS: bravo to you! TRUE WORDS OF WISDOM HAVE BEEN SPOKEN!!!! HUGggggssss to you MOM MOM MARY

Q:  You aren't listening to me are you?

DS: Our EC aren't heard from or seldom heard from and when they are heard from its only because they need something. So what did we do to cause this? We set limits. We set boundaries. We weren't willing to be treated any old way.

Q: What color is the sky?

DS: The reason mine went silent immediately and isn't testing the water ...is because the water here is boiling hot !! LOL and she knows it and she knows I have always stood up and insited on good behaviours etc...

Q: Will you let me honk one of your boobs?

DS: Yes, it brightens my world when I hear of answered prayers and restored relationships.  
This brought tears to my eyes.  There is so much goodness in the world that I failed to appreciate. Complete strangers reaching out to me and offering me support. I am humbled and most appreciative.
God bless.



Except for the squeezing of the boob. 
That was first rate.


7 comments:

vicariousrising said...

Damn, Q, that gave me a belly laugh. A few belly laughs. That sounded so much like my mother answering questions with non-sequiturs. And then you get to the "what color is the sky" and "show me your breasts" and I was snorting inelegantly.

*applauding Q*

Anonymous said...

Q, thank you so much for this. And I appreciate Vicariousrising coming up with a description of her reaction that expresses how I feel about your wonderful 'interview' better than I can. --quartz

Tundra Woman said...

You mean they actually call themselves "Mom Mom"? Seriously?
That's exactly my point: Having the label "Mom" no more makes you a "Mom" than having a piano makes you a pianist.
But I guess if your name includes the word TWICE that makes you TWICE the "Mom", right? And TWICE the mind-fuck, right? And if you say/write it often enough you can convince yourself-and more importantly others-you really ARE!
I matured beyond that kind of "imaginary" world looong ago. Life kind of took over and I had enough sense to realize childish behavior/delusions don't cut it in adult life. It doesn't look too good when you're cruisin' the aisles in the grocery store in your "Queen" costume and imperious demeanor....even if it IS Holloween. And it's definitely not "Work Appropriate."
Hey-Let's just hand 'em their "Magic Wand" so they'll all go away! Pfft-GONE!!
TW

Lisette said...

TW this is freakin Gold!!!

"I matured beyond that kind of "imaginary" world looong ago. Life kind of took over and I had enough sense to realize childish behavior/delusions don't cut it in adult life. It doesn't look too good when you're cruisin' the aisles in the grocery store in your "Queen" costume and imperious demeanor....even if it IS Holloween. And it's definitely not "Work Appropriate."
Hey-Let's just hand 'em their "Magic Wand" so they'll all go away! Pfft-GONE!!
TW

I'm with ya 100% on this. The fact that these people even "imagine" that there is a chance at reconcilliation, change, adjustments, working-through etc. etc. proves just how deluded they really are. PDs don't and won't ever change. The children who walked away from them and never looked back know this. There's comfort in living in reality.

Pfft - GONE! I'm nearing the 23 year mark with MN mother, and after 17 years of NC with MN sister, with a brief interlude of communication, it's now a solid 5 more years NC and counting... for GOOD!

Caliban's Sister said...

Q, you do have a way with words! LOVE the non-sequiters and the substitutions of bursts of affect for logical progression of responses. Perfect Interview!

Sweetness said...

I couldn't help (or maybe I could help, but I won't) thinking funny thoughts when I read "my ED and granddaughters." Maybe it's good that you have erectile dysfunction around your granddaughters? Even though I know what ED means in this sense, and that the writer is probably some dried up old shrew who thinks the world owes her something because she spat out a crotch-dropping that won't talk to her anymore, I still thought of penis humor. I'm twisted, but what can I say? I had a narcissist for a mother.

q1605 said...

Ah sweetness. I could never have stated it better.