Tuesday, August 14, 2012

There is no after narcissistic abuse for kids.


In the hedonistic sins of the flesh my mother indulged, and in my fathers own hedonism, (what else could you call someone so consumed with another that he would give up his life rather than live without this person), never once was there any thought given to the children of this unholy union.
Not once was there a glancing consideration that these children might yearn for the creature comforts the parents wasted in their bid for adult satisfaction they felt they were owed.
As soon as my parents one upped each other beyond the need for us to be hostages in their war, we were relegated back to being mere spectators in their undoing.
Who the fuck operates like that?
I read about the poor slobs who get involved with an NPD woman. Those dumb fucks rarely stick around long enough to drag kids into the deal. Same with women.
Unfortunately most of these people have children from previous relationships.
If you enter into a relationship with a personality disordered person I have a lot less sympathy for you than I do the children you brought into the world.
First time the guy with the Corvette and the Bill Clinton hair cut fucked your best friend should be the last.
But you guys go back for more and more and more.
Then whine about the trauma.
If you guys think you have PTSD, go see what your lifestyle does for your children.
You can run if you want.
Where do your kids go?
The kids that have to sit and watch the bouts of adults gaming the shit out of each other. Watching one adult drive off with their affair partner and slinging gravel all over the house.
They are the emotional pit stop of the deranged fuck left behind that has no audience to pander to but his/her kids.
The kids are stuck in this loop from the day they hit the ground until they have the wherewithal to get away from the loons.
They are beyond the relief afforded in paint by platitude thinking. It's burned onto their hard drive for ever more. And it will stay there because they will never be sure about the next guy/girl you bring home.
So you guys that went steady with a narcissist, you really don't evoke a lot of sympathy.
Some due diligence is in order before you drag the next narcissist into your child's life.
How about some catchy phrases for the kids and the collateral damage they become from your love life?

"Too bad you have to watch your father weep uncontrollably because he peeped in the window of his girlfriends apartment and saw her giving his best friend a BJ but you don't matter as much to me as my pride."

Or:

"I'll fix dinner for my kids AFTER I cut and paste a bunch of mindless feel good bullshit on a site run by a pathological sociopath. I've already got a mother so fuck off."
I guess that won't fit on a poster.
I vowed that this blog would never become a source of dissent to people suffering from a PD's abuse.
But the dating Jesus freaks of the world have cordoned themselves off and are now attempting to capitalize on, and demonize every one that doesn't fall into their clique.
Sorry. These rants never end up where I think they are going.

10 comments:

Tundra Woman said...

There is a WORLD of difference between CHOSEN and UNCHOSEN relationships: If adults are flummoxed by their "partners," what chance does a child/children have to sort out the mess? Never mind the ability to "leave" the relationship with a Narc Parent(s) and EnPartner(s). We end up living/growing up in a War Zone complete with all kinds of daily "skirmishes," IEDs to Nuclear Options: Silent Treatments, screaming/yelling, physical, verbal, emotional abuse, homicides/suicides by over-sized "Grown Ups" engaging in toddler "tactics" with "Grown-Up" weapons. Again, we had NO recourse, no escape. Our presence is at best a tactical weapon for one parent to use on the other or else "diversions" of the worst kind: As the whipping post for the anger/frustration of the parents, as a child who has NEEDS, real identifiable NEEDS for basic safety and security. We're KIDS, not dumping grounds for the toxic waste from Adults-Who-Aren't. And simply placing a roof over their heads and providing a meal (maybe) does not "protect" the child from the reality of living in an enclosed Concentration Camp called "Home." It's a terrifying reality that indeed leaves a Legacy.
Apparently this Legacy (aka, normal responses to an ABNORMAL situation) has now expanded into a whole "self-help" industry as well as a proliferation of self-appointed "Experts" to help us "heal." (And other assorted buzz words.) Huh.
We may have a Legacy, but that does not by any means infer we're quite as "broken" or lacking in inner resources/strengths or just plain intelligence as the ACoN community has been led to believe. The reality is IMO no one can tell you what "Healing" will mean for any individual or what is "Essential" for any one individual's journey. There is NO "One Size Fits All." There is one thing IMO we can be certain of: Trauma changes people, big people as well as little people/children. What we do with and about those changes is entirely up to us. Passing on knowledge and experiences through Blogs written by and for other AC's/those who are married to ACs and clearly see the Legacy are readily accessible and free of charge. Read around the internet, post, share. Beware of anyone trying to sell you anything, pushing a very clear agenda of their way or the highway or is not well established. We've already "paid." In FULL.
EP's will scream they have "NO idea!" why their AC walked away. It's not the AC's responsibility to try to "explain" for the bibtyth time "Why." They weren't listening for years before and it's too late now. And as soon as you start having your OWN kids don't delude yourself into thinking the very "Parents" who raised YOU are gonna morph into a SAFE "gma/gpa" for YOUR children. They'll do them the same as they did YOU. And to think otherwise IMO is delusional.
TW

q1605 said...

Courage is that little voice that tells you that it's ok to dose your kids dinner with xanax and bang that waitress from Applebee's after they nod off early.

Anonymous said...

They never wanted kids imho, if they did they sure did a piss poor job of showing it.


Sis

q1605 said...

She wanted kids to keep him lulled into a false sense of having a nuclear family. He wanted kids thinking it might lead her to keep her pants up once in a while.
They were both wrong and when there was no need for us they pulled a vanishing act.

Anonymous said...

yep, kids used as pawns for a some kind of sick control game of theirs.

Sis

vicariousrising said...

{{{{{{Q}}}}}}}

My mother often says that "having kids isn't worth it". Damn, but I wish she'd realized that before she decided to have me.

Bess said...

Once I asked my mother why she had children. She looked stricken and said, "I wanted you." That says it all. It's what she wanted, with no thought as to what would happen to us with only her and ndad. She thinks wanting kids was the most honorable reason to have them. She's selfish and she's an idiot.

Tundra Woman said...

"I WANT" is probably the most honest statement you'll ever get from these "parents."
Which is at least a whole lot more HONEST than the usual, "Look at what I DID FOR YOU!" Stated or implied, it's a "contract" you signed the second you took your first breath.
TW

Bess said...

True. I sure do wish she had spared a thought about being married to a man she hated and what could happen to these kids she couldn't be bothered to prevent or protect once they became old enough not to put bows in their hair and be endlessly devoted to her ideals.

q1605 said...

They don't any more thought into reproduction than they do dressing themselves.
My mother spent more time and thought each day getting ready to go out and receive the filth than she put into me and my sister her whole life.