Wednesday, August 15, 2012

Trading Queens.

I hate people that trade queens.
Personality disordered people love to trade queens.
Trading queen's is a chess reference. Each person having their queen in check by their opponents queen is like the mutually assured destruction that kept the US and USSR from annihilating each other for decades.
I use this to describe social interactions with others that make me feel safe enough to open up more than what would ordinarily make me comfortable.
As long as people think rationally.
It works.

It starts with the other person (my mother) telling me something personal.
Which leads me to tell her something personal.
And then having my candor thrown right back in my face. 
Knowing now that every word out of this person's mouth is a lie. There was no trading of queen's. I just handed her my piece.

She lured me into the open, clubbed me like a baby seal, and acquired yet another missile in her arsenal to blast me with forever more.
One can never under estimate the chutzpah of politicians, men of the cloth, and the personality disordered.
There is no shortage of closet bound politician's working like beavers to destroy the rights of gays.
No lack of fornication condemning preachers, wallowing in whore house's.
And you have my mothers involvement in a murder.
You might think that a person who lured a man over to her house and killed him wouldn't have a lot to say about much of anything anyone else has done.
Things that pale in comparison.
That killing a man and stuffing him in his trunk for some unsuspecting slob to find later, would give this woman a sense of shame. Or at least reservation when judging others.
To that I would say this.
Guess again.
She is and was the absolute most unforgiving, shit stirring,  bitch on wheels I have yet to see.
It sucks that any serious conversation with a sociopath NPD has to be approached like peace negotiations. That no matter how much knowledge you have of a person's reprehensible actions, they will take it to the mat each and every time you engage.
Why should you need leverage? Why shouldn't a person be able to say what is on their mind?
Especially if what is on your mind is, "I don't like you following me around the house and badgering me for hours at a time. Knock it off."
And not having things pitched up to the next level.
Which is exactly what happens.
Oh you haven't seen badgering yet mofo!
Even then...
Jeez why am I bothering.
Those that forget history are doomed to repeat it.
This is a quote from FDR before he met with Stalin at Yalta.

  I just have a hunch that Stalin is not that kind of a man. ... and I think that if I give him everything I possibly can and ask for nothing from him in return, noblesse oblige, he won't try to annex anything and will work with me for a world of democracy and peace.

We all know how that turned out.
If your narcissist is the regular kind of narcissist.
That is they come with a head as hard as a Bois d'arc Stump.
Just give it up and develop an exit strategy.
You'll never win.
Go no contact.
If my mother denies committing a murder in which I was scheduled to testify at trial, what hope do you guys have?


vicariousrising said...

I really like this analogy.

It also reminds me of my ex who got all pissy when 2 months after teaching me to play chess didn't like it when I started beating him. Narcs hate losing the upper hand. Generally s

vicariousrising said...

This should finish:
Generally speaking, if done with a non-snotty tone, I don't mind being surprised or "beaten" by someone. It's an opportunity to learn, not a threat.

Tundra Woman said...

^Aye, one would think, no?
But when your whole life is a lie, you have no fixed sense of self, "me" is at best a paradigm utilized to get what the MN "wants," period the end. And you are no more real or meaningful than those chess pieces, regardless of whether they're plastic or antique ivory: It's "valued" all the same.
"What's in it for ME" and "How can I manipulate this person for MY GAIN?"
Their world is not our's.

Kara said...

This post is a masterpiece. You describe what they do so well, I had a "friend" who started playing that sort of game once my circumstances had changed for the better. She had never done it before but only after I had began to climb out of the pit. One evening she "casually" mentions my BIL (Whom she knows as well), I say what I think of him (which she already knew anyway) and then I can't quite tell you how she did it but she made me feel like I was a horrible person for criticising him while she made herself look like a "higher" sort of person who doesn't do that sort of thing."She lured me into the open, clubbed me like a baby sea" That's just exactly how I felt. And it is so true that the ones that are up to no good are the most judgemental, this girl eloped with a married man when she was barely out of her teenage years. Hardly in the position to judge anyone really. After that episode I cut her out, she can play that game with other people if she wants to, not me.
I think you should add that famous photo of the Yalta meeting to the post. It'd look great.

q1605 said...

If only I could put the Barbarian on tour and charge tickets for admission. For all of her infamous actions that stand out so well, there are a million lessor acts and all the nuance that shadows her where ever she go's.
That is why I insist there is organic brain (dys) function at play.
She is so seamless. (sometimes)
She is like a fly fisherman with a bazooka.
Lures people right to the edge and blows them to kingdom come.
Kara, is this the picture you had in mind?
This was after the show party with the roadies and crew.
One more time I feel the need to say.
This woman actually exists.
Out side of prison walls.
She really (helped to) whack a guy.
If you were here in Dallas, I could take you to her in less than 30 minutes.
And god help me and sis.
She's our mother.

Kara said...

Hahaha, that photo is even better than the original. Man, I cannot tell you how much this post has made my day in terms of validation. I have to say for the purpose of this collective record on narcissism that we're compiling that I've never seen anyone do this in Spain (there might well be Spaniards who do this, I've just never seen it), the English though are the true masters: they don't even trade a queen, they get everything out of you without even asking a question.

Elena K said...

I never though about that particular move sociopaths and narcissists pull in terms of chess before, but yes, that's exactly what it's like. Thanks for that.

q1605 said...

Hi Elena K. I added your blog to my list if that's OK with you.
Welcome aboard.
I sort of take the scenic route with my malignant mother.
There is enough about the nuts and bolts of narcissism already without me muddying the waters pontificating.
What we really want to know about them are things we will never find out. Because the only way to find out, would be for them to answer our questions.
Which to an N, is just another word in the dictionary.

Anonymous said...

I think her mind is a tape recorder, she spends all her time recording what everyone else says and throwing it into their faces later, and yet she denies ever saying any of the things she tells people. and everything she does, as well. Like Russia rewriting history books.


p.s. So George Patton was sharper than FDR.

q1605 said...

A poster who goes by the name of Brace on Raising Caliban said they make up stuff and spread it around like head lice.
Thought that was funny.

Anonymous said...

Thank you. What you write and how you write it helps me. So many of these things I feel but can't put into words like you do.

q1605 said...

Thanks anonymous. I can hardly make my way through it sometimes and I wrote it.