Friday, September 14, 2012

Appeasing Hitler.

I wouldn't expect or recommend any one going to the lengths I went when I declared war on the Barbarian that is my mother. There is so much context involved that just looking at my actions and not the stimulus makes me look crazy. Something I didn't really care about three years ago when I had finally had enough of that twisted bitch.
This bit is inspired by the comment thread on Caliban's Sister's blog that you can see here.
For those of you who know some of my history, I do hate to bore you. But for those just tuning in let me
give a brief synopsis.
My mother effectively destroyed any sort of normal childhood I might have ever had. This go's for my sister as well. She dragged us around like shit rags and dragged the whole family through a messy and expensive trial for a murder she committed. Drove my father to suicide. Something I got to witness if not with my own eyes, my own ears. Drove off with the swinging dick that she was shacked up with that prompted my father to commit his cowardly act, before disappearing into the sunset. After she tricked this new dude into marrying her, she came back around and proceeded to pick up where she left off, and did a damn good job of destroying my adult life. Sis's too.

She did as much as she could (and the personality disordered can do an outstanding job) of destroying everything I held dear as an adult. Compromised marriages. blah blah
I won't go down the list. It's a list that you guys have lived and know all too well.
Here is how this relates to C'sis's post.
I went from zero to the age of 51 and outside of flipping her off when I was 9 and her seeing it when I thought she wasn't looking, I never even raised my voice to that bitch.
I never blamed.
I never complained.
What ever path of least resistance I could find to bathe in denial, rather than to accept the fact that my mother is the WORST kind of lying cunt, I found it and I took it.
Don't get me wrong. I knew she was a faithless whore.
I knew she was responsible for all the above mentioned atrocities. And more.
Like Chamberlain appeasing Hitler.
You just let it go thinking this time she'll finally be done.
And like appeasing Hitler, this made war that much more inevitable because it made Hitler think he could get away with anything.
That was my mother's life with me and with my family.
A lot of the stuff I sent has all ready been posted on my blog.
But my mother was bound and determined to make me a pariah to the world, so I decided  to throw her some of what she has given us back to her.
You know what they say about people in glass house's throwing stones?
I informed every cuckolded husband of her fuck around friend's just what their wives were doing while they were out of town hunting.
I sent copies of her newspaper clippings from her murder trial to all her neighbors and friends that think she is oh so delightful.
I hounded her left and right and I would do it all over again and I would do it if I was barricaded in my house with the swat team outside taking pot shots at me.
I was going to make it, if need be, my final act and purpose on earth to make her the same pariah among her buddies that she tried to make me to mine.
What kills me is she has sabotaged me all my life. With NO provocation. Nothing.
I was the dutiful son and southern boy that loved and respected his momma.
What I got in return was the smelly belching fog of her portraying me as shit on her shoe to people I loved and were a part of what I value in this life.
The law called me and I just didn't call them back. They could bust me or fuck the fuck off.
After that I limited my assault to just her and the guy that sired me.
Meaning not the chump who was coerced into signing my birth certificate and snuffed it out in the front yard.
I mean the guy who's sperm scored with my mothers evil eggs.
You guys want to know what happened?
Not a goddamn thing happened.
Not a goddamn mother fucking thing.
It was all true and no one wanted to remain close enough to that crazy fucking cow to get dragged down with her. All the cheating wife friends of hers lost her number.
Take that you surly bitch.
I'll leave you with this. This will show you the long arm of the all powerful narc. And how fucking pissed off I was and still am.
I photo shopped a bunch of German Shepard's onto a picture of her. Like they were mounting her and sniffing around waiting their turn.
I put this caption under it and I sent it to her.
"Some one get a broom and a bucket of ice water. Barbara's in heat again".
And I sent it to her.
That was 2.5 years ago.
I am still blogging away.
The moral to this story is that the truth will keep you free.
In civilized countries you cannot be taken to task for telling the truth.


upsi said...

Glorious. Truly.

This time of year gets all the crazy brewing again, the DM-iest among us go on their little Google sprees.

She's in heat again, good one. Except even an old spider like her must eventually dry up, cuntiness notwithstanding.

q1605 said...

I knew you would like it.
That pretty well is the height of my depravity.
I can't top that.
I guess it's all down hill from here.

upsi said...

I caved to my weakness and already saved this fine post of yours, I know you too well and must preserve this moment in my own private vault / collection / treasure trove of digital history.

Speaking of Hitler, I was thinking of the old good time genocidal party boy today myself. About how if you ever want to test a platitude you can perform the Hitler test. Like run any goddamn quote spewed by a narc through the "should we also apply this bit of wisdom to Hitler?" ringer and behold the end of the line for your little mantra.

Appeasing the narc is soul destroying. takes us a long time to get our heads screwed back on after dancing with the devil.

q1605 said...

Gawd you crack me up.
I won't be deleting this. I have been looking for a way to foist my dog fucking scenario on the unsuspecting world and have it not make me look to much like a jabbering baboon nut case.
And yes it does take a while.
I still want to send her something or go by and throw things through her windows but I don't want to fuck up this much no contact.

upsi said...

I like kicking hornets nests with you, just to see how many good solid blows we can get in and make it out unscathed. I'd throw rocks at the Barbarian. Hell yeah and leave a flaming bag of dog shit after ringing the doorbell and squealing off, yelling "eat shit and die bitch!" as she stomps out the flames. a narc's child can dream.

Anonymous said...

Always had the fantasy of going to the funeral with a black sharpie and drawing a big black mustache on her.


Charity said...

Ok, this is freaking me out a little. No, more than a little.

Not saying I don't understand it, cuz I do. Which is maybe why it's freaking me out.

I am now sticking my fingers in my ears and going "LA LA LA LA LA LA LA....," with my eyes closed. See no evil, hear no evil, speak no evil... no, wait, on second thought I'll keep the speaking evil part, that's fun sometimes.

q1605 said...

Well to those who are freaked out, this is as bad as I got. To those who revel in my antics this is as good as it gets.
After this my ex sent my current wife an "anonymous" letter (she's so cheap and such a thief that she used the postage meter from her office) that if she let her kids around a sick fuck like me she is as sick as I am. So for fear of causing collateral damage I went full no contact.
Another thing I love about PD's. That black and white thinking.
No concept of me hacking out a letter and dropping it into the mail and that being the end of it. They think we think like they think and think the whole house would become a loon cave of dysfunction.
My two steps haven't even snapped to the fact I am legally not their bona fida step father because we kept all the fighting and break up away from them.
You can live a life on the edge without dragging your kids out and making them watch.

upsi said...

I am firmly in the "revel in your antics" camp. And a shout out to Sis for the brilliant Sharpie fantasy. Oh to be a bold ACoN with a sense of humor, it is a must for survival.

q1605 said...

I am willing to bet Sis would fly in just for shot at the Sharpie Caper.
Me and Sis have traded quips for years. Since before I was in school. As crazy as we knew my mother is we would have never guessed there were others like her.
So much so that they would have a name for it.

Calibans Sister said...

Actually, Q, sounds like what you did was pretty mild considering the batshitdevildog mother you have! I just wish you could feel a little more peace with the knowledge that you just happened to be born to a psychotic, and it had nothing to do with you, what you did, who you were, whether or not (NOT) you provoked her ire. The woman is a psycho, period. Nice move about mailing the clippings to her neighbors!

q1605 said...

Every N mother out there would be like mine if they thought they could get away with it.
Look at Charity's.
Loonistic bitch all the way.

q1605 said...

Batshitdevildog? I like that!

Tundra Woman said...

Hey Sis, While you're at it? Yk the cardboard boxes that have "THIS END UP" printed on them? I'd cut that part off of the box and place it strategically right over her crotch. It'll fit right in with her boo-peep dress and open casket before it's sealed-to-explode.
Ooohh, what we could do with the make-up....have you seen "Wicked"? Yk the green spray/powder make-up? Well, we could start there....just tell the Funeral Director you and q would like to have some (sniff, sniff, eye-dab-with-flowered-hankie) private time with "Momma" before Calling Hours....
Or if ya didn't want to waste too much time and effort, you could find one of those rubber Devil/Fright Masks and just put it on her. Plop a neon-green fright wig on top and voila!
As long as The Barbarian has it all Pre-Planned (as she's done her entire life) Halloween is comin' and you all could "Pre-Plan" too! Just tell the Funeral Home this is what she said she wanted. Momma always DID have a....macabre..sense of humor (tee-hee) and since you're both her children, her closest relatives, you SHOULD know what "Momma" wanted and what "Momma" wants, "Momma" gets.
Even IF it's sort of "Non-Traditional," so was she.

Adela Alba said...

You know, I can't say I blame you for doing any of it! And considering the hell she put you through, she got off easy.

Makes me wish I had given this one "friend" the custom Christmas card I made, but momma always told me to take the high road (apparently code for shut up and take other people's shit).

The card has his face on the front and it said "Without friends like you, the holidays would mean nothing" and on the inside was a smiling picture of my DH and I (he was super jealous of DH) and it said "Conveniently, I've asked for nothing this year."

Bess said...

Yes, its fabulous. CB, I hope its ok with you if I use this every chance I get!

Bess said...

I meant to type CS.

q1605 said...

AA. I am with you. I am tired of turning the other cheek.

Tundra Woman said...

Speaking of "cheeks," for the philanthropic among us there is also a lovely Oxfam card: On the outside is a picture of a steaming pile of poop, on the inside is the message, "I saw this and thought of you!"
A donation has been made in their name.

Charity said...

Huh. When I read this and posted my first comment at.... 2:03 a.m.... I was kinda freaked. But now, at 7:30-ish in the evening, it's just kind of interesting and humorous.

Must have been my night meds. ;D

Charity said...

OH, I see, the time posts as Q-time, not Charity-time. I posted my initial comment at 1:03 a.m., and now, in Q-time, it is 8:30-ish in the evening.

Charity said...

There's something I've been wanting to ask you guys your opinions on. A sort of a "what the hell was that?" thing that my malignant n-momster did/said in 2001. She did/said a similar thing in 1981. Maybe it's a 20-year lunar cycle thing that happens in her world? I'm trying to think if a similar thing happened in 1961. Can't say for sure, I was only 8 then.

I'll have to think of how to explain this. It's one of those "takes 5 minutes to happen and 5 hours to explain" deals. Just thinking about explaining this really weird MNM phenomena is giving me a headache.

I like you guys. I mean, Really Like: Q, Q' Sis, upsi, Caliban's Sister, Adela, Bess, and Tundra Wonder Woman... even if I get a little freaked now and then, you people are honest and real, and that is so refreshing. ;)

q1605 said...

It is 9:02 Q-central standard time at

q1605 said...

Charity. Out with it. The suspense is killing me!

Charity said...

Oh I'm sorry, Q, I was.. uh... indisposed. Yes, that's it.

I will have to wait until tomorrow now, I have had my night meds and I am getting very sleeeeee

Anonymous said...

Q, I've read your entire blog and especially appreciate posts like this one. Your healthy rage and black humor energize me to keep taking a hard look at my mother, whom I've been NC with for 5 years. I'm only just now starting to realize what she is.

She is almost exactly like Mary Tyler Moore's character in the movie "Ordinary People" and the father in the 1949 movie "The Heiress." The destruction wrought on their children exemplifies my life (clinical depression, lack of self-confidence or identity, etc.), and I am mesmerized each time I watch these films. I can't recommend them highly enough for catharsis, though painful.

We also have November 1967 in common because that's when my father managed to get himself shot to death in the front yard with my mother helping to set the stage. A grand jury was called, but nothing went to trial. I'm gearing up to start researching this at the county courthouse due to your amazing writing.

I'm currently reading your commenters' blogs and input (TW, Jonsi, CS, upsi, Adela Alba, CZ, Elena, and many others) and thank all of you for your astounding insight! You have no idea how much you've helped.

Texarkana Friend

q1605 said...

Who ARE you oh masked Texarkana Friend.
First things first. So many thanks for your kind words. I will never deny I am a cheap and the worst kind of attention whore, but never a narcissist. I do these posts and they crack ME up at the time but later they seem stupid and I am want to pull them.
Second. I would really like to communicate with you privately if you don't have a blog.
We have a close knit and accepting microcosm of damaged souls here and I like to avoid pissing contests.
But it's impossible for me to write openly about my experience and not get the feeling I am playing a game of one up man-ship.
I mean having a parent whack a guy and stuff him in a car is a pretty tough hand to beat.
But do you minimize it?
Well yes... they whacked a guy, but used a relativity small caliber pistol with a low weight, low velocity slug, that is notorious for not being a man stopper.
Tell that to the guy who is pushing up daisies. Which also happens to include my father.
You just can't get there from here.
This is a long winded way to tell you that my e-mail address is on my profile and I would love to get something from you.
If your comfort zone is not that wide yet, don't worry.
It'a all good.
But DO keep posting on my blog and venture out to post on the others.
Every one of us are all working to sort through this mess and we WILL pull each other up by our boot straps and what is the saying?
No ACON left behind.
And this would include you.

vicariousrising said...

Hmm...maybe I ought to send you my mother's mailing address and let you loose on her. I think you'd do a better job than me. ;)

I totally understand the anger at not having said anything against my mother while I was under her thumb, defended her to tell the truth (much to my first therapist's chagrin). It made me feel like a complicit part of her soul rape of me.

upsi said...

Lololol no ACoN Left Behind, brilliant.

@Texarkana, Q is a riot and I highly recommend his email side. Besides the riot side, though, is a great friend - it blows me away this November 1967 crossover episode taking place and I for one look forward to hearing more!

Charity said...

Upsi, I agree, that "no ACoN Left Behind" of Q's is brilliant. I'll have to share this with my best-friend-hubby, he's my hero, a U.S. Marine, and that's their creed, No Marine Left Behind.

Speaking of my veteran husband, I told him earlier tonight that I've finally found my "group." My hubby goes to a support group once a week for Combat Veteran's with PTSD, those are his best guy friends. They also get together for frequent bike rides, they chat on FB and talk on the phone almost everyday, they work on their vehicles together, go fishing together, and such. I have never been unhappy about my husband spending time with his WarVeteran PTSD support friends, I know it does him, and them, a world of good. He doesn't need to spend every waking minute with me, especially now that he's retired, that wouldn't be good for either one of us. I can only understand my husband's PTSD issues up to a point, too, but his vet buddies "get" each other in a way that no one who has never been in combat can understand.

I have wished for years that I had a group too, a group of people who, unlike the "normals," understand what growing up in pure H*E*L*L is all about, and how it affects your whole life, long term, just like being in a war does. Most people just don't get this at all, no more than a person who has never given birth, can truly know what it's like. There are presumably well-meaning but ignorant people who tell war veterans that they need to just forget it and get over it and live in today, because hey, that war ended almost 40 years ago. They don't understand that the war stays inside you, it never ends.

Until I met you great group of ACoNs on these blogs 2 months ago, I felt so lonely, like I was the only one with my kind of PTSD, a PTSD not caused by military combat. It's deeply heartbreaking to find out that others have lived through this kind of real-life nightmare too, but it helps to affirm my reality and my sanity to know I'm not the only one.

Until I met you great caring HONEST people on these narcissism-survivor blogs, all I ever had, for 50+ years, was rude compassionless ignorant know-it-alls telling me how I need to just get over my mother trying to gas us all to death, etc etc etc etc. Like, WOW, thanks, I really wish I had thought of trying THAT!

I'm going to sleep now, sweet dreams, all... Q, I will tell my story that you were dying of curiosity to read, but it's taking me a while to put the pieces together. Meanwhile, hubby and I were very busy around the house today, little time for blogging.

HUGS & LOVE to my dear fellow Sister and Brother ACoNs,

Charity said...

Haha, I just looked at the time this posted, of course this is "Q" time, not "Charity" time, I'm an hour earlier, but still.... I wonder, guys and gals, are my husband and I the only ones who can't sleep at night? My hubby is even more of a night owl than me. His trauma doctor told him that PTSD is why he can't sleep much, and my trauma doc told me the same thing. I take a very tiny dose of clonazepam (sp?). just 1/4 of a milligram I think it is, it usually makes me sleepy but tonight it isn't for some reason. I guess because I am so excited because soon I will be seeing my granddaughter, she is a doll, can't wait!

Oops, I just realized I'm blabbering... must be the little pill is kicking in.

q1605 said...

Agreed Upsi.

upsi said...


haters gone hate, see something good goin on and they gotta tear it down. fuckin trolls.

upsi said...

In case anyone missed the lovely anonymous comment someone left this morning, then deleted, here it is!

"You know. Why don't all you people get a life? Really. Bad Shit happens to good people so get over it. Believe it or not all of you have the power. You think you all in your little ACON group are special it is only you. Guess what it is not. People deal with horrific shit every day usually by the people closest to them. They go on to be productive and happy. Because when given that shit sandwich to eat. They made a choice. The choice was to be better stop the cycle and live life to the fullest and despite it all be happy. or there is the path of the poor me, look at my horrible childhood, I finally went no contact so I will spend the rest of my days pissing and moaning about the horrors. That's not what I see. I see a bunch of angry people who won't let go. Wallowing in your shit won't make it better. You cling to your problems like a safety net. To ensure you have the mother off all excuses and zero accountability. Relationships suck? Not my fault I was raise by a narc.

I get to be an alcoholic drug addict co dependent. Not my fault was raised by a narc. In reality your lives are as ruined as you allow. They are everywhere, your father, mother, brothers, sisters, co workers, Take it head on and stat calling them on their shit and they decompensate before your eyes.

Give your self permission to be happy. Your significant other would appreciate it. You have normal people in your lives keep this shit up and you will be all wind up lonely as the ones you hate. While you are all off spending time blogging and flirting and e-mailing each other you are so wonderful Oh Q, Oh upsi, oh VR, What so you think your significant others do while you flirt and carry on among your ACON group. None of it is innocent just by the mere fact you were raised by crazy people so there is always agenda you can't help it. However normal people have a lower crap sandwich level and the more time you spend wallowing the more distant they will get and then you will go its not my fault I was raised by a narc psychopath. I have new for you it is your fault because one gift everyone has at there disposal is the power of choice and the power to choose their destiny despite it all. Just an outside observation.

From Q's blog I believe he has a significant other any one of ever consider how she feels. I also know from your blogs Upsi, VR you have them to ever wonder how it makes them feel? Which I doubt because when it comes to that all of you are a narcissistic as the people who raised you."

To summarize:

Charge 1: We think we are special and it is only we who have truly suffered.

Charge 2: We are continuing the cycle of narcissistic abuse.

Charge 3: We are a group of angry people who are choosing to cling to our problems like a safety net.

Charge 4: We use our life histories as an excuse to not be accountable.

Charge 5: We have not taken the issue head on and called out the narcs on their shit.

Charge 6. We are betraying our spouses by "carrying on" with each other on our blogs.

Charge 7: We are all narcissists who don't care how our spouses feel.

Did I miss anything? After outlining what was said in this nasty comment, I actually do not feel the need to respond, because I know none of the charges are true.

Bess said...

Well, holy shit. Was someone pissed because they chose not to be helped by the experiences if others? Read if you like, if you don't like, don't read. Seems pretty fucking clear-cut to me. What people do here is healing to themselves. If it hurts you, then does that make you the shit-upon subject? Seriously. Tell people to get a life, and then rant about shit it sounds like you didn't like reading. Think about it. Wouldn't your time be better spent reading something you like than pretending to make the world a better place by throwing your negativity around anonymously?