A centipede was happy quite
Until a frog in fun
Said, "Pray tell which leg comes after which?"
This raised her mind to such a pitch
She lay distracted in a ditch
Not knowing how to run
This ability to know when things are not right served us well in the trenches of the war that our parents declared on the world around them.
But out in the real world this soup is too thick.
We are left with an intensity designed to deal with the ever present threat of chaos.
We are jumpy and skittish. Our startle reflex is hair trigger. We become frazzled by the toll of all this skittishness. The need to monitor our surroundings makes us feel stalked and the sense of being monitored adds to the paranoia .
Withdrawal of the stimulus that created this amplified defense mechanism doesn't give releif.
Living at my mothers was to hear the floor joists squeaking as she moved through the house and pausing outside my door to listen.
Every phone call had that hollow affect that lets you know someone is listening.
Knowing that every conversation, every action, every everything is gathered and analyzed and jammed together to make some crazy jig saw puzzle where the pieces are forced into place whether they fit together or not. It all blends into a hybrid of disabling phobia's that consumes ones soul.
It's like living with an insane prosecutor investigating you for a crime you haven't committed.
Always measuring your words for their potential to be used against you. Mindful of how you interact with neighbors. Seeing the curtains flutter as you speak to people knowing that the who and the how long are all being marked down with computer precision. Having friends tell you that your most innocuous actions were presented to them as evidence of some suspect endeavor.
Never mind that they discuss your business with friend's in ways that are crazy.
They are controlling in ways that you wouldn't tolerate from a spouse.
That is what is a disordered parent considers normal.
Hyper vigilance is not a gift.
It doesn't toughen a person up to take on the world. It is a brow beating that makes one want to hide under the bed. The only thing it would prepare someone for is prison.
Lest any Christian parent read this and think they can add it to the list of things their children should bow down and thank them for.
I would much rather have the ability to sit down and do a cross word puzzle in peace and not feel the need to look over my shoulder and forever be testing the environment for looming catastrophe.