Monday, October 15, 2012

This is not a forum.


It seems that there are people that suffer from the illusion that  ACON blogs are bound together and that it is acceptable protocol to scold people about the opinions they express on their blogs. Folks seem to be appointing themselves arbiters of good taste and feel entitled to tell a person that their approach about a certain topic is unacceptable. Even if you express it in terms of how someones words evokes fear in others, it still contributes to the chilling effect.You can say whatever you want. That's what this is all about. But if anyone thinks that snide anonymous comments will curtail a goddamn thing, you are mistaken. I am the most passive aggressive S.O.B. you will ever find. It's runs in my family. Telling me to shut up is such an exercise in futility that my feeble mind can't even come up with a metaphor. 
I can tell you that whatever sense of community exists here is not derived from a bunch of scolding, and knuckle swatting It's from a long term, free exchange of ideas. Your writing is no more or less valid than mine. Nor is mine more valid than yours.
I'll write what I want, and you write what you want, and never the twain shall meet.
This was never an issue before you know who flipped the you know what out.  Her nuttiness is not the source of any tension. It's every one straddling fences and taking first one side and then another.
She's a nut. Plain and simple.
Be shocked at her. Don't be shocked at the people that saw it coming.
And as much as the Ginger Midget is busting a nut at the up roar she caused. I think it is great. Any way you slice it she comes up looking like the Queen fucktard in all this. For her to think she got one over on us just shows the large caliber fuck tard she really is. She's just passing through. We'll be blogging on long after she is gone.


60 comments:

upsi said...

I came up with a simile : Telling you to shut up is like trying to hold a greased watermelon underwater - its gonna surface, just a matter of time.

And for that, I thank you.

You shoot straight and you're one of the good ones. We need more people like you around.

Vanci said...

Q,
As upsi said, you are a straight shooter, and I dig that about you too baby!

It seems to me that this loose collection of blogs works best for all of us when we all stick to telling our own stories, our own truth, and you have done that from the beginning. Thank you for your raw, unvarnished... Qness.

Telling you to shut up is like asking a fat man in a speedo to dance an Irish jig; it's gonna get ugly.

Love,
Vanci

Anonymous said...

Amen to that! No one has ever shut us up, not our parents or anyone else. After going through all we have, I'll be damned if I'll have someone drive me into silence.

Sis

vicariousrising said...

Yeah, I'm no fan of being told to be quiet. Had enough of that in my life. When people try to tell me how they think I should behave, I get the hives. It'd be different if I were the mean-spirited bitch my mother likes to portray me as, but I've learned better about myself. I'm no angel, but my opinion is only that.

Trisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Calibans Sister said...

Q, like Trisha, I'm puzzled by the use of the word "scold." I certainly never "scolded" anyone. We all wrote from our own perspectives. Some of us called for mitigating condemnation with a little compassion, others felt they'd called C's number from the get go (and were probably right). So we all blogged, commented, expressed our feelings, and are moving along. No one scolded you or dissed you, or anyone else, for their reactions. And no one is trying to keep you from speaking your mind. As Upsi said, who would wrestle with a greased watermelon? Your Qness is uniquely you, and it's why many of us keep coming back to read your blog. If you knew first that C was nuts, good for you. You were "raised" (or rather, tortured) by Crazy-in-Chief Barbarian.

Calibans Sister said...

Hi Q, I revisited that comment you deleted on my blog, which you replaced with a one that mentioned a need to "get in touch with self-censorship." I curious, did anyone tell you to "shut up"? anywhere? Just wondering where this latest post is coming from.

upsi said...

I didn't say who would want to wrestle a greased watermelon. I have actually done it and it's kind of fun. but eventually the thing pops to the surface.

And why shouldn't Q speak his mind on his own blog? That's the point of this post.

Trisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
q1605 said...


My favorite quote of all times is from W.C. Fields. He said it ain't what they call you, it's what you answer to. Funny I talk about self appointed arbiters of good taste and some people take offense.
I was referring to the principled but gutless anonymous people leaving comments on blog's.
But since you ask, these comments are scolding.
* "Have you introspected about this whole thing to determine why you are so triggered by it?"
*"What the fuck are you talking about?"
*"I certainly never "scolded" anyone."
It was communicated very clearly that passing judgment was harsh and would be best left unsaid. Which is shut up in a velvet glove.
Not saying the words shut up doesn't mean that the message doesn't mean just that.
I never mentioned names. So why do you feel triggered by my words?
I would think new bloggers would rather know that whatever they say will be rigorously defended by people like me for no other reason than they are entitled to speak freely, than to have conditions and stipulations on the words they choose to express themselves. That if their words fall outside of a narrow slice of group think that they can expect a barrage of anonymous attacks.

Trisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Gladys said...

I have to say - anyone telling ANYBODY with a blog to shut up is missing the point by so wide a margin as to be...well, BLIND. A blog is absolutely the one place where one can talk and talk and talktalktalkTALK about the lint in their own navel and NEVER come up for air. It's exactly like being told that you can't hang a certain painting inside your own house - by the old biddies who walk past and are PEEPING IN YOUR WINDOWS!

All of this turmoil over one blogger who turned out to be mentally ill or possibly a liar - that has happened like, a gabillion times since Al Gore invented the interwebz. It happens every day. I guess one such thing just came to a head yesterday on a website called 'Chive' or something. It will happen again. Probably tomorrow. Human beans are going to be human. The mentally ill don't take a Sanity Pill prior to typing. They don't get tossed into a 48-hour hold here on the web. They like it here.

I know we are all telling our truths. We are all broken, and we are all funny, and these stories we tell are from a completely other side of our lives. The side outside this shiny box on our desks.

The outside is where we really LIVE. What happens in here, inside the shiny box, isn't really reality. I'm sure we all stand in line at the store or sit on the bus with various online anonymous trolls every damned day. Coming in contact with them out THERE as well as in HERE is as likely as breathing. But ultimately we are the gate keepers of our own blogs. I know the platitude, that having a troll means you have written a truth and have struck a nerve! But seriously. The only narc nerve any one of us would be interested in tweaking would be the nerve of our very own narc. (read that twice it prolly got past you.) The fact that a random weirdo blogger read one of a gabillion blogs and typed an anonymous mean comment… well, odds are pretty damned good that it’s going to happen again. And again. I like the idea of taking the narc comment or email and dissecting it for all of us to read. I hate the idea that this fat idiot is still causing turmoil long after she got off the bus. And for another (imaginary) blog writer to shake ones faith down to the toes is power I wouldn’t give ANYONE. Upsi had a reason to feel sick about it when she thought it was a family member (ugh). The rest of us should have just ignored it – helped our comrade, absolutely. But this fixation is silly bordering on RIDICULOUS.

Our blogs are emphatically NOT forums. My writing is for ME, ultimately. Sure I hope someone gets some use out of it. I love it when one of y'all gets a laugh out of something. But none of that is the reason I write. I write for me. You write for you.

Q, delete this if you think I'm being a bitchy old lady.

Trisha said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Bess said...

Your straight-shooter style is good, IMO.

Tundra Woman said...

The ACoN Bloggers who have been around awhile know they're gonna be on the receiving end of a nasty-gram or two (hundred) because that's just the way it is in the Blogosphere.
Just like life. I'm rollin' along, doin' my own thing, not bothering anyone and all of a sudden some "unknown" gets in my face for reasons that are as mysterious to me as the universe-but NOT to them.
Let's face it: We're talking about one of the primo societal "sacreds" and bringing them into the "secular" which engenders a great deal of weeping, gnashing and back-lashing by those for whom the reality they're actually bare-assed nekkid is NOT "acceptable." Funny (not "HaHa" funny, but you get my drift) how the most blatantly "exposed by their own deeds" should scream like stuck-pigs when we point out this most obvious reality.
I love you guys for being just who you are-no more, no less. I mean that in an agape sense: You ALL bring so much into my life it's the best "get-together" I've ever had in cyberspace and a good, lively discussion with genuine human beings complete with all the insanity we've experienced secondary to bat-shit, normal appearing "Parents" who were actually nasty kids dressed up in grown-up bodies.
BLOG ON, my brothas and sistahs, BLOG ON!!
TW

upsi said...

The best way to moderate the content that enters your head is to decide between reading something and not reading something.

As to the scolding, since it has been raised here by CS, I did feel scolded in some of your comments on "Most Humane," specifically:

"But I think it would speak well of us as a group of friends trying to help each other if we saw how badly Charity is hurting, how confused she is, how chemically out-of-whack she is at the moment, how tormented by her own demons, and finally, how completely remorseful her apology was, and gave her the chance to keep our friendship."

i.e. it will speak poorly of us if we don't buy her bullshit.

"Please let's keep clear about how this went down. I'm not justifying what she wrote or did; but I don't want to see her nuked."

i.e. we were twisting the story and nuking her.

"I pointed out a potential danger of group bonding over a betrayal. This is a real danger, as any psychologist will tell you. I'm disappointed that my input was heard as a criticism of certain individuals. "

i.e. we were, in fact, bonding over a betrayal and engaging in dangerous discussion.

CS, I posted your comments and allowed the discussion to unfold freely without making a point to discuss that I felt scolded. Because I don't want to see more divisiveness as a result of the Charity thing. But to say you certainly never scolded anybody...

q1605 said...

If you think it's ugly now Vanci. Wait till the speedo comes off.

Gladys said...

Q - *bow chika bow bow* I'm ready with a fistful of ones. Git up on that table and DANCE, varmit!

q1605 said...

Save your money for after I'm naked. The tips are so much better from people begging me to get dressed than they are from wanting me to get naked.

Vanci said...

Oh gawd! My eyes, my virtual eyes! Noooooooooooooooooo!!!!

Love,
Vanci

Tundra Woman said...

Oh hell, Vanci, We've seen it all before if we tell the truth and we've slinked out of places with smeared make-up at un-ladylike hours and hope to hell they don't wake up before we gnaw our arm off in an effort to leave the "scene of the crime."
Let's get real, we all be adults here and some of us are less "PC" than we'd like to admit. Or a tad bit more than "coy" to "honest."
I'll be the first to say some people count sheep in an effort to sleep. I try to remember back in my younger days-"Huh. WHAT was HIS name again?" ;)
"You Cath-o-lick girls start MUCH TOO LATE"
I was jest makin' up for lost time. Not sure I have, but I'm still willin' and that's about as "lucky" as I'm EVER gonna get.
Just ask the geriatric cat. Who snores. A piss poor substitute but it's furry and makes noise.
Which is more than I can say for fish.
TW

q1605 said...

Ya'know that google does give you access to your own blog which means I can kind of read what you guys are saying.
Just a heads up.

Vanci said...

TW,
I've seen a lot, but I have to draw the line at jigs in speedos. Oh, the humanity.

Q, sounds like they've got a line dance opening on the Tundra.

Love,
Vanci

Anonymous said...

Blog on indeed!


"i.e. it will speak poorly of us if we don't buy her bullshit".

I was thinking today that sometimes people want to start shit up but then can't handle the feedback. Moral of the whole story, don't start shit if you don't want it back. I don't like drama and I just go 'whatever' about almost everything until I see someone do a blatant foul.

Sis

Tundra Woman said...

We don't line dance any more than we lie dance; it's too damn dangerous because everyone is related by blood or marriage and it could get nasty real quick considering everyone is locked and loaded<the last, a "Precipitating Event" for what results when the pot is stirred unnecessarily.
Sis above said it all. Call truth and it'll be resolved. Call BS and it'll end up nasty.
I was divested of my "PC" credentials the first day I testified in Family or Criminal Court. Baby, someone(s) ain't gonna be happy when I walk out of there.
As I told Psychobitch shortly before NC, "I'm NOT for sale to ANYONE at ANY price and that includes YOU."
You solicit my opinion, that's what you're gonna get. It's MY shit on the line, not your's. I didn't accrue all this edumacation and time in the field without a shit load of experience and credibility.
And that's just not for sale.
And that's just my opinion.
TW

vicariousrising said...

I think ( and I just came back from a writing seminar that talked about how women communicate their stories and how we should be more aware of how we use phrases like "I think" which are meant to tone down a stronger opinion. But oh well. I think it's important that I state it as my mindset vs an absolute truth) that what we're seeing in this community schism is some degree of enabling and passive-aggressive behavior in relation to narcissistic upbringings.

As far as Q being passive-aggressive... even though you've claimed it, I can't think of a falter statement. Q doesn't tiptoe around much of anything that I've seen. Frankly, I find the less PC but honest (and none of it skeweringly mean to fellow non-anon bloggers) refreshing after a lifetime of lies, smoke and mirrors.

And I too felt scolded and reprimanded -- whenever the "group" was addressed as "we" and warned what our behavior ought to look like to be deemed "healthy", I felt like my mother was after me again for having a mind of my own. And, yes, asked to shut the fuck up.

I'm so goddamn tired of being nice so as to not ruffle the feathers of others, particularly rude, vitriolic crazy people. I've expended to much energy on that shit and not enough on protecting and nurturing myself.

I'm not relegating this stance to just online people -- I've drawn a line in real life with those who want me to shut up because what I say makes them uncomfortable despite its truth. This isn't about a lack of compassion, empathy or sympathy. It's about having an appropriate response to the behaviors of others.

vicariousrising said...

That should read "falser". Damn auto spell. Tried to make me make the same mistake again. Smart phone, my ass.

upsi said...

"This isn't about a lack of compassion, empathy or sympathy. It's about having an appropriate response to the behaviors of others."

TRUTH!

Anonymous said...

"It's about having an appropriate response to the behaviors of others."

For sure! And you're right, enabling and not standing up for yourself is what people learn when they're raised in dysfunctional families. Just sit down and keep your mouth shut, and maybe someday things will get better for you. It just helps the abusers keep control of the family.

I was using "I think" and "I feel" on these blogs this week on purpose, because so many people were worked up, LOL. If I say something is my opinion, my thought, my feelings, then it's harder to argue with, because I am entitled to those, and like you said I'm not presenting it as an absolute truth.

Q's Sis

upsi said...

I'm working on a jingle for the Ungrateful Little Bastards US tour. and when I have it recorded I will send it to you. Q, Gladys, and TW can vouch for my vocal stylings - we gotta make all this into a jingle. and I'm still mining for lyrics so hey all you Leonard Cohens out there, toss a line my way.

q1605 said...

Are you having the designated driver blow into the breathalyzer on your Iphone again.

upsi said...

There's always a work around.

q1605 said...

Back to the jingle. Give us a hint about what it sounds like so we can contribute something.

Bess said...

You screwed with the wrong bastard when you fucked with me.
Always darkest before the dawn, which makes the roaches run.
Stomping crackling scourge shells beneath my cheerful feet,
Had I only known my liberation makes you come undone!

Gladys said...

Upsi, you ROCK the vocals - we can call it the Narcless Horsemen of the Apocolypse Tour or something?

Gladys said...

Q, I thought your comment above said 'back to the JUNGLE'. So now I have Axel Rose screeching in my head. YOUR FAULT.

q1605 said...

Thanks Gladys. I read your Axel Rose comment. It went in and out. And I was walking around and for some reason I was hearing this vague music in the vast unoccupied spaces inside my head. So low and subtle. Like a breeze through the trees.

Watch it bring you to your knnn knne knees, knees

Thanks.

q1605 said...

Bess I'll get back to you.
Good work.
The world will belong to the ULB.

Jonsi said...

I was tempted to refer to this post several times yesterday. I may still. Our blogs really are NOT some god damned forum.

q1605 said...

No they are not Jonsi. But there is no lack of people that want to moderate them.

Texarkana Friend said...

Bess,

"Stomping crackling scourge shells beneath my cheerful feet"

Fantastic! May I join you?

q1605 said...

We thought you would never ask.

Gladys said...

ULB band auditions: Um, there aren't any real auditions, we just like to feel like a REAL band. Bring your kazoo, clown slide whistle, canastas - whatever. Jam sessions almost daily. Like a drum circle, but noisier. WAY noisier.

q1605 said...

Gladys pulls the van up outside the drunk tank on the day of the show and people file in until it's full.

Gladys said...

UNBELIEVABLE! I found extremely rare film footage of the ULBs!!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be7O9g2sphw&feature=relmfu

(1:20 is your sweet spot)

Bess said...

Texarkana, YAY!! (I'm really just a groupie-cum-poet, but I jam along in ma haid!)

q1605 said...

That's us!
Here is footage from our early years.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=kvVNeLFI2z4

Texarkana Friend said...

Q, I used to sing solos at the church my mother would drag me to when she was putting on her weekly display of "fine, upstanding citizen"! I think I could still croak out a few stanzas!

And I can't pull up those youtube links. What are their titles?

Texarkana Friend said...

Bess, you've got a certain style! And I want to hear MORE!

q1605 said...

The one I posted was just a bunch of barking seals so don't bother. Gladys was of Spike Jones this old band leader from the fifties. Had a good show though.

Gladys said...

Tex Friend, copy and paste the

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Be7O9g2sphw&feature=relmfu

stuff and it should open in Youtube. Same with Q's.

Jonsi said...

For the band - I'm a pretty good singer, but since Upsi's got vocals, can I bring my air guitar?

vicariousrising said...

We can always use smokin' backup singers. :)

Jonsi said...

True - Alright, back up singer it is. But I want to dress like a 1920's flapper girl. I don't even care if it doesn't match what everyone else is wearing.

Tundra Woman said...

I'll provide Security. No one would suspect the Old Broad is quite the scrapper ;)
TW

upsi said...

ULB for life!

Bess said...

ULB!!!

Joan S said...

Thanks, Q, I sort of get it. I started out reading Caliban's Sister. Darn. It's so tricky how a narc is, and I'm just starting to get it. We accept twisting of words without questioning it, all the time. This is something I'll have to be more aware of.

mulderfan said...

Just came back and revisited this one. Damn, it's a good read. Takes me back to my brother crying fowl about ME writing about ME on MY blog.

However, him posting comments as an anonymous former student/stalker was just fine and dandy, thank you very much!

q1605 said...

Thanks M-Fan I wrote this before I "busted a spring."