Tuesday, November 27, 2012

A shovel just makes too much goddamn racket!


Trojan Vibrations Twister Intimate Massager

Got an ad here for the for the Trojan Vibrating Twister. It has four unique twistable positions. Eight settings, five speeds, and three pulse patterns, It has a high quality silicon tip.  It's water resistant, soft, durable, and easy to clean. It also comes with an elegant Satin pouch for discrete storage.
And it's sold at Walgreen's.
Right next to the pocket pussies.
Yeah right.
Show me one motorized vagina sold outside of the red light district and i'll eat it after some hairy fat bastard has thoroughly used it.




Women have masturbation aid parties where appliances are tossed around like Tupperware. Mix and match. Trade'em like baseball cards.
Then they go home and check their husband's browser history to make sure there are no porn hits. Woe to the man who has surfed forbidden waters. For the woman this is tantamount to cheating. And it will be used as justification to subcontract the application of the above mentioned twister to Juan the pool boy.
I contributed on a relationship advice site for several years. The second sentence out of a woman's mouth  that discovered porn on her husbands computer would be her intent to grudge fuck the first sweaty body she could find with a penis attached.
Like a live penis is so much more sanitary than a flat screen.



I have yet to meet a chick that didn't have a motorized dick.
And I say, God Bless'you.
But give us a little latitude will ya?
What gives?
Women are all a flutter about discovering the dynamics of their sexuality. We are to behold them with great wonder as they embark on a journey of sexual self actualization.
Men.
MEN?
Grunty wanking pervose pigs.
It's not a word so let me save you the trouble.

How about women who won't work? Just won't do it! Not because they are raising a family. Not for any reason other than they just won't.
And I am good with that and so is everybody else.
But men that exercise this option are ripe for emasculation.
I learned early on to never ask if a woman has a job.
Always ask if a woman works "OUTSIDE" the home.

Who wants to tell me the most blatant example of sexual discrimination?
You there in the back. Yes you!
No, it's not because women are commonly referred to as Honey, Babe, or Gorgeous.
Anyone else? Anyone?
Is it because a startling new survey tells us that nearly 4 of ten girls were made fun of for being a girl, while only 1 of ten boys were made fun of for being a boy?
Ummmmmm not so much.
Glass ceiling?
No
Wage disparity?
Un-hunh.
How about conscription?
What about a person, legally ordered by the state to serve in the armed forces. Oh well that doesn't count does it?
For over two hundred years, men have been drafted, hunted down, and jailed if they don't comply with the requirements set forth by the government of the United States.


Even if there is no open draft for a war, all men must register.  Whether they like it or not. After the age of  18, a man must sign up at the post office. Just so Uncle Sam can keep tabs on him and drag him kicking and screaming to the front to get his ass blown off.
I too, went down and signed my happy ass up. Because they will send yo'ass to prison for just thinking about dodging the draft.
It's a $250,000 fine, and up to five years in jail if you don't. And that price is right. As in a quarter of a million dollars.
I have another question for you.
What is the total number of men; dead, missing and wounded in all US wars and military actions?
2,893,807
How many of these were women?
Who knows. Women are barred from direct ground combat.
In the current conflict in Iraq and Afghanistan over 6000 men have been killed.
Compared to 140 women.
Not to worry. While feminists sing cumbahyah to not suffer the indignity of  having doora opened for them, politicians are working overtime to give women the full combat rights men enjoy.
If you want to hold protests for something, I would dedicate my effort into protesting that.
Cuz it's hard to register a complaint from the grave.





You guys don't have it so bad.
You just have to put up with men and our bothersome penis's.
But so do we.
And a penis is a very willful boy.





17 comments:

Gladys said...

Raising a boy to be a man was incredibly difficult in this 'man hating' era. Girls can wear tee-shirts that say 'Boys are stupid! Throw rocks at them!" but woe betide the boy who wears such a shirt. (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Boys_are_stupid,_throw_rocks_at_them!)

Every commercial and sit-com seems to have a stupid MAN in it - can't work the remote, can't find his ass with both hands, can't cook for his family unless it comes out of the microwave... Only the woman of the family can be sane and smart. (Everybody loves Raymond, King of Queens, etc etc).

Teaching a boy to grow up and treat a woman with respect and love while girl children are taught that boys are hideous and MEAN - not easy.

When he was in elementary school he got the standard "NEVER hit girls" - but I always amended it with "unless she hits you first. Then, all bets are off. Deck her in the mouth. When you get suspended we'll go to Disneyland".

q1605 said...

No matter how evolved we present as a society, we still have to have someone to look down on.
My mother never held a job in her life.
It's the first jab she takes at a man.

vicariousrising said...

Bwahahahaha. Those toys look fun.

As a shrimpy little woman who looks younger than she is, I have to say getting any respect has been an issue for me. I swear a lot so maybe that helps. I can't say I feel so sorry for those toting around penises. Not anymore than I feel sorry for my mother claiming she didn't have the career/life/acknowledgment she deserved because she was stuck with us kids. Whining never got anyone anywhere. Doing differently, might be hard, but at least we tried.

Tundra Woman said...

Huh. "...a drawer of motorized dicks?" Not in my house, not ever. I'll cop to lots of....lingerie...because I like it, but I had enough sense to get rid of some of it discreetly before my last move. Considering this is going to be my last "residence" (gawd, I HOPE SO) I figured there were some things that would be just too hilarious-or horrifying-to who ever gets stuck with the job of cleaning this place out after I croak.
I've always worked, even P/T in HS. Until my body decided it would rather cannibalize itself than remain happy munching on the "bad invaders." Which resulted in herculean efforts to try to do something, ANYTHING including a Medical Clinical Trial which involved moving myself and my stuff waaay far away as a last ditch effort to even be able to work even P/T. No dice, flunked the Clinical Trial the day after I closed on a house in an area where I didn't want to live. Two moves later, and here I am back in The Tundra. Broke, but still willin' so I volunteer pretty much full time.
Psychob, as indicated in her last great work of fiction, aka her "O-bitch-uary" stated she was "employed" for 35 yrs. Doing WHAT, I haven't a clue. Lessee: She tortured Dad practically to death for 22/23 yrs. until he fled for his life. Then I had 18 yrs. post NC of her personally directed Terrorist War on her "DD." How that adds up to 35 doesn't matter: She was a General in her own mind, a Hero of the worst kind. She had "Household Help" and had her hair done once a week at the Beauty Parlor (prior to the Divorce and her assumption of her Bag Lady Persona.)
Does that qualify as "work?"
TW 124

Anonymous said...

At an elementary school where I work it's the girls who are usually the meanies. Once in awhile a boy will do something dumb and get into trouble, but here's some of the things the girls have done: Paid a boy to be the enforcer and go around beating up other kids they didn't like; took A/R tests for other kids and charged them money; have stolen everything from books to cellphones to money to candy; brought a replica gun to school; convinced the first graders the bathroom was haunted so they couldn't go pee; and on and on including constant bullying of other girls.

Sis

q1605 said...

This is based on my personal experience.
My point is women's sexuality or anything else about women is to be respected and revered.
Men are buffoon's.
Too bad we own everything.

Gladys said...

HAHAHAHAHA! Jeebus i just snorted lemonade out my nose. Too bad we own everything "I ain't no damned cow!"

q1605 said...

it's an old Tim Allen line. I put a link to that bit but it cut's before he gets to it.

Anonymous said...

funny, the men own everything, however their life spans are usually much shorter than women's, so the women wind up with it all.

Sis

upsi said...

I have always worked. It gives me a sense of self respect. I've also owned a motorized dick or its equivalent since the 6th grade. Ain't nobody gonna do it for ya, girl's gotta look out for her own needs. Porn is just a fact of life - however I slice it, I'll take a guy peepin on some pics and viddies over going out to fuck the real thing anyday. Sometimes it can creep in and get the insecurities howling, but then I remember that I too have my fantasies and would never allow them to be regulated by another. So it's an issue I just stay neutral on. I don't really believe in the draft for men or women nowadays, but maybe that's an opinion forged from the luxury of the sidelines? And point well taken on the double standard which embraces all things for women yet denies those same freedoms of expression, exploration, and choice to men. It's a pendulum that swings back and forth between extreme repression and rigid gender roles and loosey goosey anything goes let's pretend gender doesn't even exist anymore dynamics. I for one appreciate your male perspective. There are too many uptight cunts running around with tampons where their sense of humor should be telling everyone what to think and what's appropriate. Think radical, act liberal, and quit taking yourself and your uber mild "oppression" so goddamn seriously. Women have never had more choices than they do today.

Gladys said...

Regarding the women in the military thing - this is SO not PC. But when my kid was over in Afghanistan, he would tell me what a cluster fuck it is/was/shall ever be. It is WAR with explosives and DaNgEr and STRESS. And I am GLAD there were no 20-year old girl Marines over there to fuck with those boys' heads (ha). To sleep with one, then another, pit them against each other when they need to be watching OUT THERE for the enemy.

Girls/Women could rule the world if they got their heads out of their asses.

Go ahead, yell at me for being a throwback.

q1605 said...

Sis we die early because it's worth it.
I agree with Gladys but if a guy comes out and puts it so succinctly we'll get nutted where we stand.

q1605 said...

And a most excellent comment from the upsinater.

Gladys said...

Q, I sent you an email. Q's Sis, I changed my blog comment thingy <--technical term so I accept Anon comments - I didn't realize I had it the other way.

q1605 said...

My sister said that TW had covered the things she wanted to suggest but she'll be around. If you sent me an e-mail I didn't get it.

upsi said...

Gladys, I will always hug you virtually for speaking truth. I would rather cast a shadow than fake it.

And yeah, point taken, chicks and their drama have no place messin.

upsinator hahahah

Anonymous said...

Gladys, thanks! I'll post on your blog now. : )

Sis