Sunday, January 20, 2013

Two Affirmations.

One is from Mulderfan who is expresses frustration with her many attempts to appeal to her stonewalling parents. 

This is my daily affirmation: I cannot reason with these people or appeal to them either emotionally or intellectually. Passivity makes me a target, aggression delights them, and assertiveness is met with contempt. Time to face the fact that, regardless of my best efforts, these people will not change…EVER!

And one from The Daily Strength's site for estranged parents.

 Do you have adult children, who have blamed you for everything wrong in their childhood, lost contact either through addiction, divorce, or in laws? No phone calls for birthdays, Mother's day, just no communication. How do you cope with the emptiness, the painful loss of not having your children in your life? 

They say we blame them for our childhood. Just as quickly as they will pontificate about the wonderful child hood they provided. 

It's not their fault they lost contact with their children. It's because of addictions and divorce etc. 
How does your child's divorce effect the relationship you have with your child?
 I would think that it would bring you closer together. 
Maybe the "childhood" you provided turned them to substance abuse? 

Mulderfan says I can lead them to thought but I can't make them think.

DS followers say my way or the highway. 

The problem I had with my mother that she was so sure every body was out to screw her, that she fell all over herself to screw them first. This included her children. No matter if they were 4, 14, or 40. 


vicariousrising said...

My affirmation: wear my Ungrateful Little Bastard badge with pride. Fuck 'em.

q1605 said...

The ULB's say FU

mulderfan said...

Sign me up for a "Fuck 'em" badge and that'll be my new affirmation.

I wrote that affirmation after another pointless session with a counselor who, like many others, suggested trying "I feel..." as an "assertive" way to start a sentence. After all, no one can deny your feelings!

Like my NPs have EVER given a shit about how I or anyone else feels!

q1605 said...

That's the limp dick shit that makes me tired.

Scatha said...

Geez, I was soooo wrong to think that my childhood had anything to do with my NM. I should have known that it was solely my responsibility to raise myself from the time I was born. LMAO.
:D :D :D

NPs only give a shit about feelings when they explicitly forbid you to feel at all.

It's all about their perfection, and everyone else's shit, as always. No use trying.

Guess that leaves me with a "Fuck 'em" badge also :)

Anonymous said...

Q, like your mother, my NF once said to me, "Either you s**t on your kids, or they s**t on you." Apparently he couldn't conceive of a parent-child relationship based on honesty and mutual respect. --LuLoo

q1605 said...

Funny Scatha. I was just batting some e-mail back and forth with my sis. She was telling me how my mother wanted to be waited on hand and foot. And I said you are right, but the only thing that pissed her off more than NOT doing exactly what she wanted was to do EXACTLY what she wanted.
If you have never been to Jo Anna Ashmun's site I highly recommend it.
Sadly she is no longer with us. Look at the bottom and there is a table of contents. No mater how much I read about personality disorders elsewhere, I always find her writing fresh and informative.

q1605 said...

Hi Luloo. You are so right. Their whole life is about scamming others. As soon as your autonomous self manifests in childhood they relegate you to "the rest of the world and the others" Which is to say you are now a pawn to be used before you can use them.
it would be sad if they were not so nasty about it.

mulderfan said...

"As soon as your autonomous self manifests in childhood they relegate you to "the rest of the world and the others". This explains why my NM was a pretty nice mum until I got to about thirteen. Then the put-downs and slavery began.

q1605 said...

Scatha. I didn't realize you had met my mother. LOLOLOL
Here it is from Aesop.

The Scorpion and the Frog

A scorpion and a frog meet on the bank of a stream and the
scorpion asks the frog to carry him across on its back. The
frog asks, "How do I know you won't sting me?" The scorpion
says, "Because if I do, I will die too."

The frog is satisfied, and they set out, but in midstream,
the scorpion stings the frog. The frog feels the onset of
paralysis and starts to sink, knowing they both will drown,
but has just enough time to gasp "Why?"

Replies the scorpion: "Its my nature..."

q1605 said...

MF You are no longer a child but their competitor.

Anonymous said...

Nope, you can't change them. They will be and never were what we needed or wanted them to be. Funny how they kept trying to change us 24/7 though.


q1605 said...

The thing is that I never had the bar set all that high. Just don't be such a fucking bastard all the time would have been nice.

Gladys said...

Q, lol - SRSLY. How 'bout you try DON'T BE AN ASSFUCK FOR 5 MINUTES. Like, I don't expect BILL COSBY for crissakes, just how about not an axe murderer? Nope, they can't do it.

q1605 said...

Hiyo Gladys! Where have you been?

q1605 said...

If it got me/us anywhere I would have just liked to ask what their fucking problem is. But we all know what that gives us. An ass fuck from an ax murderer that's what.
Gladys. This has your sense of humor written all over it. Be sure and hit the "shop more" tab and check the words.

Anonymous said...

lol, so true, the bar was set really really low. and they crawled under that.


Gladys said...

That was AWESOME. It's like my theme song!

I've been ROLLING IN MONEY. Nekkid. With a hot guy. Ack shoo lee I've been lurking around, and watching old episodes of Big Bang Theory.

Sometimes I get sick of thinking. It hurtz me.