Sunday, June 2, 2013

Omit the Logic

I have blogged till I can't blog much more and seem to be no closer to an answer about why the sons and daughters of these malignant narcissist monsters turn their lunacy back on ourselves. I grew up like a toddler always handed toys with round holes and then given square pegs to fill them with. No one needs to tell the child that you can't get there from here, he finds it out on his own within minutes and the frustrated reactions ensue. I didn't need to be told that my mother changing from one type of person with others around to a totally different one behind closed doors was not normal but it was all I had to work with so I just kept mentally trying to jam those square pegs in that round hole. The people who should have mitigated her behavior just made it worse. It adds insult on injury when the people around us that could and should step in to remedy the situation turns a blind eye to it and work overtime to cover the crazy persons tracks. We know they are full of shit but what are we supposed to do about it? We can't even count on a steady supply of Captain Crunch much less sane reactions from adults. I guess we carry this frustration into adulthood and lash out at ourselves because we are the only person that doesn't hold us accountable. I grew up standing in the back of a long line to the party of normalcy waiting to get in. Now I am an adult, the line is to get into the party of accountability and I am getting shuttled right to the front.


mulderfan said...

We spent our childhood trapped in their lunacy and our adulthood trying to break out of the trap, that is, if we even realize we're in a trap. Most of us were conditioned to think that's the way things work in every family and by the time we catch on the bastards have cheated us out of a big chunk of happiness.

Now my nutbars are shaking their heads and wondering how in the hell their doormat caught on and what they're going to do to get her back!

Have I got big news for them! This mat is up of the floor and dancing to her own happy tune with lyrics she wrote herself. Life's good!

q1605 said...

I wonder if after my mothers death if there is a god and afterlife if my mother ever realized if in her war on her family she took the wrong prisoners. And if all it took for her to grasp this was a one on one with god why couldn't we have started at this spot instead of finishing here.

Gladys said...

Mulder is right. As children, our reality was just what was in front of us - and so we thought it was normal. Seems like it usually takes us kids until we are in our 50's to wake up and get away. That's why people like Jonis and LSV and other youngers give me such hope - that this crap will end sooner for them.

I also firmly believe in some kind of "review your life" thing after death. I guess it takes a lot longer for the mentally ill to get through the review, and then to move on to other tasks. The layers of the brain must be legion on the mentally ill - and I imagine psychopaths like Dahmer etc. may never make it through that review.

One of my sisters and I have often wondered why we never dreamed of our dna donor mother - she died in 1979. I'm thinking the mentally ill can be blocked from coming back through 'The Veil', lol. And she was bi-polar at the least, drug and alcohol addicted as well. Maybe your mom is only able to cause problems for you STILL because she has such a loud echo, from being SO LOUDLY EVIL, you know?

Maybe god doesn't even entertain a 1:1 meeting with those that are evil. Why waste his time? It's what he has minions for.

I just hope passionately that those evil mentally ill souls don't get to be in line for the 'new life karma bus'. Once around should be the limit.

q1605 said...

my problem now is that the way I lived in the past is really coming back to bite me in the ass. I blame most of it on the Barbarian. So once again one of us may be losing years of our life to the Barbarian juggernaut and it's just not fair. Not when it would have taken so little from her to give us something normal. If she had worked as hard giving us a decent life we could have done anything. But with her throwing "tire spikes" down in front of us all our life did nothing but run us into a ditch and keep us there.

q1605 said...

I guess what pisses me off is that this wise and all powerful god could have dropped me a couple of doors over,instead of giving me to the Barbarian

susan said...

I just woke up after a miserable night being stabbed in the heart by a so called friend on Facebook

I haven't even had a cup of coffee yet but for some reason. I came here can't explain

You helped me. Tank you,

q1605 said...

Glad to be of service. I have cruised through your blog too. Come visit before you have insomnia and it will put you right to sleep.