Saturday, August 30, 2014

Narcissist Obituaries.

I posted this obituary right after my mother died. I think it bears repeating with the evolving mix of ACON's entering the blogosphere and also if you are stumped in your quest for answers to the puzzle that is Narcissism. Know you are not alone.  Coincidentally my mothers middle name was Dolores.

Dolores Aguilar 1929 - Aug. 7, 2008

Dolores Aguilar, born in 1929 in New Mexico, left us on August 7, 2008. She will be met in the afterlife by her husband, Raymond, her son,Paul Jr., and daughter, Ruby. She is survived by her daughters Marietta, Mitzi, Stella, Beatrice, Virginia and Ramona, and son Billy; grandchildren, Donnelle, Joe, Mitzie, Maria, Mario, Marty, Tynette, Tania, Leta, Alexandria, Tommy, Billy, Mathew, Raymond, Kenny, Javier, Lisa, Ashlie and Michael; great-grandchildren, Brendan, Joseph, Karissa, Jacob, Delaney, Shawn, Cienna, Bailey, Christian, Andre Jr., Andrea, Keith, Saeed, Nujaymah, Salma, Merissa, Emily, Jayci, Isabella, Samantha and Emily. I apologize if I missed anyone.

Dolores had no hobbies, made no contribution to society and rarely shared a kind word or deed in her life. I speak for the majority of her family when I say her presence will not be missed by many, very few tears will be shed and there will be no lamenting over her passing. Her family will remember Dolores and amongst ourselves we will remember her in our own way, which were mostly sad and troubling times throughout the years. We may have some fond memories of her and perhaps we will think of those times too. But I truly believe at the end of the day ALL of us will really only miss what we never had, a good and kind mother, grandmother and great-grandmother. I hope she is finally at peace with herself.

As for the rest of us left behind, I hope this is the beginning of a time of healing and learning to be a family again. There will be no service, no prayers and no closure for the family she spent a lifetime tearing apart. We cannot come together in the end to see to it that her grandchildren and great-grandchildren can say their goodbyes. So I say here for all of us, GOOD BYE, MOM.
And this........

Marianne Theresa Johnson-Reddick born Jan 4, 1935 and died alone on Aug. 30, 2013. She is survived by her 6 of 8 children whom she spent her lifetime torturing in every way possible. While she neglected and abused her small children, she refused to allow anyone else to care or show compassion towards them. When they became adults she stalked and tortured anyone they dared to love. Everyone she met, adult or child was tortured by her cruelty and exposure to violence, criminal activity, vulgarity, and hatred of the gentle or kind human spirit.

On behalf of her children whom she so abrasively exposed to her evil and violent life, we celebrate her passing from this earth and hope she lives in the after-life reliving each gesture of violence, cruelty, and shame that she delivered on her children. Her surviving children will now live the rest of their lives with the peace of knowing their nightmare finally has some form of closure.

Most of us have found peace in helping those who have been exposed to child abuse and hope this message of her final passing can revive our message that abusing children is unforgivable, shameless, and should not be tolerated in a "humane society". Our greatest wish now, is to stimulate a national movement that mandates a purposeful and dedicated war against child abuse in the United States of America.

Tuesday, August 12, 2014

Captured Rotation

There are two tragedies in life. One is never getting what you want. The other is getting it. As the children of narcissistic parents we can identify with the first category. But I saw my narcissist mother appear to get everything she wanted. And what she didn't get, she laid to waste. She died around people that were only there for the payday her death would provide. The people that would have been there for no other reason, but the right one, had all been trampled and mangled until we wanted nothing more to do with her.
  I have always advocated No Contact, but I don't know if that's getting as far away from these people as prudence dictates. I'll have to get back to you when I figure out how to get farther. I am beginning to think that once you are born to a Narcissist your fate may be sealed.
 The problem is that their dogmatic bite out of life is so black and white that the distance No Contact provides removes ones ability to monitor what you think you have left behind. My mother was so entrenched in the "you are with me, or you are against me" school of thought, that the minute I went No Contact, I was  dumped in the latter category forever. And that was fair enough. I didn't want her blood money. I just forgot who I was dealing with. And who I was dealing with was a vindictive crazy person. I failed to develop an accurate forecast of what this woman was capable of, despite my life of watching her slash and burn the people who should have been nearest and dearest to her. I went no contact and I let my guard down. But like the earth and the moon. We were still bound together. The  perspective may have changed, but never her volatile nature.

Some folks say "Evil prevails when good men fail to act". What they ought to say is, "Evil Prevails."
No Contact with someone as malignant as some Narcissists are may be swapping one hell for another.
And this is just how it is. I will still be a advocate of No Contact. But I will tell you that turning your back on a narcissist can be just as dangerous as sitting across the table from one.