Saturday, September 13, 2014

On a Carousel .............

This is an excerpt from Rev Renee's blog here
I will also link you to her amazon page where you can purchase one of her excellent books.

The Harsh Realities of Life With a Narcissist~ There is nothing we can do to change things. If we are going to stay in the relationship, it will always be what it is now. No amount of reasoning, logic, crying, begging, screaming and yelling, arguing, being nice to the N, showing her love, being patient, being understanding, pussy-footing around her, hiding things from her that we think might set her off, complimenting her, doing favors for her, supporting her, giving her money, walking on eggshells, going to therapy, talking it out, doing everything she tells us to do, etc, etc, will ever stop the abuse. In fact, all of these reactions just reinforce her bad behavior, because a REACTION (of any kind) is exactly what she wants from us.
Consequences MAY work temporarily. When we enforce a consequence, the N may not do that exact misbehavior again, but she will do another one instead. Nothing works permanently, except No Contact.
Repeat after me~ There is NOTHING I can do. It will ALWAYS be like this. Now, are you okay with that? Ready to live the rest of your life in a toxic relationship with a selfish, abusive narcissist or psychopath? Are you willing to waste the next five or ten years or more being continually upset, manipulated, gaslighted and mistreated, now that you know another five or ten years won't matter, because it will NEVER change? The only difference another five or ten years will make is that you will be five or ten years older. If you wake up one day ten years from now stuck in the same depressing, dismal situation, I guarantee you will look back and regret it. I should know~ I wasted 47 years trying to make it work. So, is it time to dump the loser, go No Contact, and start living with joy and freedom? This is the only thing within our power that we can do to change things and go on to live a healthy, peaceful life. It's our choice.


Joan S said...

That's awesome, I never heard of her site before.

And, just to say, I've never been so scared in my life of my bills, until I went back to take care of mother. One over due bill, mother would put me down like there is no tomorrow, then tell everyone she saw, then tell me, "Oh, don't worry about what other people say about you, whats wrong with you?"

Now, I'm scared of bills. I had to go to a therapist cause I couldn't open my mailbox, or deal with bills. Should never have taken care of mother. Don't go near mother.

q1605 said...

My mother installed enough dysfunction in me to last many lives.

q1605 said...

Reverend Renee also has a great FB page. Check it out.

Joan S said...

Let me reword that. Stay away from your narcissistic mother, it will only cause you more pain. It was bad enough being raised by her.

It seems like my rantings are getting out of hand, even for me. But I still so angry I will practice serenity, my new goal.

mulderfan said...

Renee and I are FB friends and I'm not sure I would have made it out alive, let alone thrived, without her validation and support.
Her website was one of the 1st sites I found that made me realize I wasn't the one who was crazy. I emailed her about one of her articles b/c it mirrored my life exactly. Low and behold she answered me and we started a dialogue and on-line friendship that has now spanned several years.
Yeah, Joan, follow her Luke Ministries group on FB. It'll change your life!