Wednesday, October 1, 2014

What does it feel like to be really old and death is imminent. by Stan Hayward.


I am really old, and I know death is imminent

Most of my friends have passed away, and of those remaining, they suffer from health problems in some way

I am myself totally deaf and partially blind. I live by myself

I am writing this at 6am in the morning

Today, if the weather is fine 

I will go for a walk
I will chat with friends
I will do my shopping
I will do my laundry
I will feed the cat
I will tidy up what needs to be done
I will put out the garbage

I will do what most people do who are not really old and know that death is imminent
Because there is no feeling of being old

There is a feeling that you can't do what you used to do
There is a feeling that you might lose your independence, or if you already have, a feeling that you should try and do as much as you can by yourself
There is a feeling that you should spend as much time as possible with those you like to be with

There is a feeling that time is precious. Of course it always was, but one becomes more aware of it
There is a feeling that many things one does will be done for the last time

There are passing thoughts about those who respect you because you are old, and about those that dismiss you because you are old

There is the aspect that life is changing fast with all the new advances that inundate us daily
There is the aspect of life that nothing changes

Mothers still smile at their babies
Children are still enthralled with their first pet
Learning to ride a bike is still as much fun as starting a company

Blowing out your birthday candles is still as satisfying at eighty as it was at eight

It is not that death is imminent that is important, but that when the curtain comes down, the audience leaves with a sense of satisfaction

As someone once said
The World is a stage
You played your part for what it was worth
You take your bow
and leave

-Stan Hayward, Film/TV/Book writer

7 comments:

Pandora Viltis said...

I like this. I think. It also makes me feel... Old.

Joan S said...

This is why I want to do all I can and hope for the best.

I just wish I could tell everyone who thought I was crazy, that I was not crazy by myself, I was raised that way, and I'm not crazy, just a normal nervous system reacting to a horrendous upbringing. I just want to tell them all that.

q1605 said...

I like the strength he displays as he describes his weaknesses.

q1605 said...


I know how you feel Joan.

Gladys said...

You always hear 'life is short!' - bullshit. LIFE IS LONG. If you're lucky, you live long enough to learn and long enough to die happy.

If I live to be 80 I swear to god every day I wake up I'm going to say 'REALLY?!?' because dying doesn't scare me, but getting super old and frail and dependent DOES scare me.

I've lived a long time already - longer than the actual 53 years since my birth. I keep doing what needs doing - cooking, cleaning, walking dogs, paying bills... But I've lived long enough to know real love, to see my amazing child become self-sufficient as an adult. I'm ok with the end.

It's the on and on and on and on that gives me the shivers.

q1605 said...

“Life should not be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in a pretty and well preserved body, but rather to skid in broadside in a cloud of smoke, thoroughly used up, totally worn out, and loudly proclaiming "Wow! What a Ride!”


― Hunter S. Thompson

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

Death has kind of hung over me since I had those asthma attacks in my 20s. I woke up and am in shock I made it to be old.
I've lost friends and I am almost deaf and one eye is going, and the cataracts have moved in.

It sucks growing old if you never had a child. {the Chinese call the childless a broken branch]

I grew old way too fast and need to rewind at least 20 years.