Sunday, November 22, 2015

You can't get there from here.




When people tell me they had a narcissist parent, two words come to mind.  "Squandered Potential." Narcissist always take more than they give, and they take their half right out of the middle. Which is to say they take the best for themselves and leave crumbs behind for others.
As I come nearer to the end of my life. I can't help but look back with regret. Knowing that I am blameless for the chaos that consumed my family takes little of the sting out. It won't bring the dead back to life. It won't fill the coffers that were left emptied. It will only silence the chaos in my head.
I posted a comment on a blog about how we can't make people love us. And we can't make people do the right thing. And we can't. No more that we can stop the world from turning or stop the tide's ebb and flow.
The smartest thing is to do is also the easiest. Let it go and let the powers that be sort it out. Treat the people that come behind us with the compassion our elders found impossible to bestow on us.  And hope that our children will pay it forward and pay it forward again, until the hostility visited on us as children is  just a memory.

Thursday, November 19, 2015

The Missing Missing Reasons of estrangement by Issendia.....

I don't think the reasons kids don't want to have anything to do with their disordered parents will ever be covered quite as well as Issendia has covered it in her blog.

http://www.issendai.com/psychology/estrangement/missing-missing-reasons.html

The Missing Missing Reasons

MMembers of estranged parents' forums often say their children never gave them any reason for the estrangement, then turn around and reveal that their children did tell them why. But the reasons their children givethe infamous missing reasonsare missing. 
My sons consistently refuse to reply to my emails and let my calls go to voicemail, or barely speak if they do answer. They accuse me of being a terrible person, but won’t elaborate about exactly what I’ve done. Well, sometimes they do, but it doesn’t make sense, at least to me. For example, it’s hard to be part of the birth of my grandchild if I didn’t know that I was going to have one! All this started because of a personal email they felt entitled to read on my computer.
 — Elizabeth Vagnioni, "Why Some Grown Kids Cut Off Their Parents"
What were the other reasons her sons give? Not knowing about the birth of her grandchild can't be the only one. What was in the email that caused both her sons to cut her off? We're supposed to be distracted by the hinkiness of the sons reading the email, and never notice that Vagnioni just told us that she knows exactly why her sons cut her off. Pay no attention to the missing explanation behind the curtain.
I was abandoned by my daughter 6 years ago this June. I received a text message that said, "The keys are under the mat I have moved out, don't coming looking for me I never want to see you again you have ruined my life". I... got home and found my husband standing in her empty room. [....] She had a prepared speech that she emailed to me - she did [not] even say Mom or Dad anywhere in it - it was **** or my husband's first name. She stopped communicating with me about 1 year after - but each time I asked why I got the prepared speech or some slung together four letter words that I didn't appreciate. [....] [All my husband] said was "She's 18, I was expecting this." I wasn't.
 — A mother's account from Abandoned Parents: The Devil's Dilemma
What was in the "prepared speech"? Why did her father expect her to move out at 18? The mother has two different sources of explanations at her fingertips, and she turns to neither. Nor does she repeat so much as a scrap of her daughter's allegations.Sometimes when I've tried all I've had back is pages and pages of abuse. It kills me and my husband when we have to read what a despicable person I am-how I'm evil and twisted and negative-and a thousand other things too.
I sent an email to the middle son-asking WHAT we had ever done as after all these years no-one has EVER spelled it out to us.
The reply last night was unbelievable. The things he said were cruel, vindictive and completely untrue. He remembers thing in a totally distorted way and he believes 100% that this stuff is true-no matter how much we try to tell him he has it wrong.
 a member of a group for estranged parents
 What was in the "pages and pages" that her sons wrote her? Why did it count as "abuse" and not as an explanation? Were her sons really able to fill multiple pages with nothing but, "Dear Mom, You're despicable, vile, twisted, and negative. I hate you. I really, really hate you, because you're vile. And twisted. And negative. You're a bad person, and you should feel bad. I feel bad because you're so bad."? Or was there anything solid in there, anything at all, to explain why they thought their mother was despicable?
In the same vein, members who confront their estranged children report that their children "screamed at them" or "used such foul language that I was shocked," but don't repeat anything their children said. The mother who wrote "A letter to... my estranged daughter" describes her daughter's voice as "A small, frightened whisper, which, though I knew it to be in your voice, didn't seem like you at all", but doesn't say what her daughter whispered; the letter is marked by the complete absence of the daughter's words, even as reported speech.
When members do say what the allegations were, they paraphrase heavily, choosing the most trivial offenses and trimming away all context. Elizabeth Vagnioni said her son accused her of not being part of his child's birth, even though he hadn't told her he was having a child. The accusation is stripped of all seriousness because it's so bizarre, an impression created by the total lack of context. Another estranged mother, the woman quoted above whose sons sent her "pages and pages of abuse," said,
Last night he scraped the bottom of the barrel.
 When I was on holiday with him and his second wife and his kids (not hers) three years ago. I was there as a babysitter to do them a favour-although I had to pay for two weeks car rental.
Apparently, I had called [insulted] his ex-wife (who he walked out on five years earlier for another woman) and get this-
I CALLED [insulted] HIS DOG!!!!! Which by the way was a bit disturbed and he eventually he had to re-home it.
She establishes that she was doing her son a favor at the time, that he had no place being insulted by anything she said about his ex-wife, and that his dog (whom she called a "lunatic badly behaved dog") deserved the insult. What's missing is the context of the insults—whether her son has had trouble in the past with her bad-mouthing people and things he cares for, whether her insults were veiled criticism of him, whether the insults she quoted were two in a vacation-long stream of insults and he was tired of her insulting everything and everyone, whether this was the straw that broke the camel's back... One allegation, out of context, shaved down toreductio ad absurdum.

Why Do They Do It?

"So their children's words can't reflect badly on them" is the obvious reason. Members who have aired their children's grievances outside the endlessly enabling warmth of estranged parents' forums have been stung by people who took their children's side, and they've learned not to give their opponents ammunition.
But it runs deeper than that. Many members truly can't remember what their children said. Anything tinged with negative emotion, anything that makes them feel bad about themselves, shocks them so deeply that they block it out. They really can't remember anything but screaming. This emotional amnesia shapes their entire lives, pushing them to associate only with people who won't criticize them, training their families to shelter them from blows so thoroughly that the softest protest feels like a fist to the face.
But it runs even deeper than that. Posts in estranged parents' forums are vague. Members recount stories with the fewest possible details, the least possible context. They don't recreate entire scenes, repeat entire conversations, give entire text exchanges; they paraphrase hours of conversation away. The only element they describe in detail is their own grief or rage. Nor do the other members press them for more information.
Compare this with the forums for adult children of abusers, where the members not only cut-and-paste email exchanges into their posts, they take photos of handwritten letters and screenshot text conversations. They recreate scenes in detail, and if the details don't add up, the other members question them about it. They get annoyed when a member's paraphrase changes the meaning of a sentence, or when omitted details change the meaning of a meeting. They care about precision, context, and history.
The difference isn't a matter of style, it's a split between two ways of perceiving the world. In one worldview, emotion is king. Details exist to support emotion. If a member gives one set of details to describe how angry she is about a past event, and a few days later gives a contradictory set of details to describe how sad she is about the same event, both versions are legitimate because both emotions are legitimate.
Context is malleable because the full picture may not support the member's emotion. If a member adds details that undermine her emotion, the other members considerately ignore them. For example, one woman posted that she felt wounded and betrayed because a few days beforehand, her daughter had agreed to let the mother and one of the mother's friends drop by her house to visit. On the day of the visit, the daughter said she wasn't up for a visit. She had gone to the doctor so the doctor could examine her incision for infection. She had gotten the incision two weeks earlier, when she had a C-section while miscarrying a near-term baby the day before Christmas. The mother was broken because her daughter accused her of being selfish. The members all agreed that the daughter was the selfish one, that she had no right to speak to her mother like that, and that she should be more supportive of her mother in her mother's grief for her lost grandchild.
Emotion creates reality.
In the second worldview, reality creates emotion. Members want the full picture so they can decide whether the poster's emotions are justified. Small details can change the entire tenor of a forum's response; members see a distinction between "She said I'm worthless" and "She said something that made me feel worthless." Members recognize that unjustified emotions (like supersensitivity due to trauma, or irritation with another person that colors the view of everything the person does) are real and deserve respect, but they also believe that unjustified emotions shouldn't be acted on. They show posters different ways to view the situation and give advice on how to handle the emotions. In short, they believe that external events create emotional responses, that only some responses are justified, that people's initial perceptions of events are often flawed, and that understanding external events can help people understand and manage emotions.
The first viewpoint, "emotion creates reality," is truth for a great many people. Not a healthy truth, not a truth that promotes good relationships, but a deep, lived truth nonetheless. It's seductive. It means that whatever you're feeling is just and right, that you're never in the wrong unless you feel you're in the wrong. For people whose self-image is so battered and fragile that they can't bear anything but validation, often it feels like the only way they can face the world.

What Can Be Done About It?

Nothing.
I'm sorry.
When denial runs that deep, when avoidance is that in-ground, a person can't be separated from it any more than they can be separated from their bones. It's why I aimed this site at estranged adult children and outsiders: because members of estranged parents' forums can't be helped. Their entire system of defenses is designed to make them unsavable.
From my own experiences with a former friend who had the same difficulty absorbing negative input, I can tell you that by framing criticism very, very carefully, with lots of positive input and as little emotion as possible, you can coax someone to accept little slivers of negative feedback. But you have to explain it so gently that they don't understand how serious the situation is, and in a few weeks they're back to their old selves.
You can also train them by addressing each problem in the moment. As soon as they do something wrong, you tell them what they did and give them immediate consequences, like ending the visit. Each time you do it they'll tantrum and spray abuse in all directions, but with repetition they'll learn that doing thing-they-like X causes thing-they-hate Y. Maybe they'll stop doing X. Maybe they'll stop visiting, and they'll tell the rest of the family how controlling and cruel you are. Maybe your mental health will survive the tantrums and abuse and escalating tactics long enough for them to pick one or the other. It's like training a toddler, but without any hope that the toddler will grow out of it.
There's a reason the members of estranged parents' forums are estranged.
If you're an estranged adult child and you're looking for a way to get your parents to hear what the problem is, I'm sorry, but you have your answer already. They don't want to know. They may be incapable of knowing. There are no magic words that will penetrate their defenses.
The good news is that you're free. You can stop now. If you need permission, I'll give it to you: You are hereby allowed to stop trying to get through to your wilfully deaf parents.
Please stop.

Another Example, and an Expert's Analysis

A mother posted on a mixed forum, asking for help understanding a new estrangement from her daughter. She and her husband, the daughter's stepfather, had been estranged from the daughter and her family for several years, until a surprise visit they paid to the daughter's house brought about a fragile reconciliation. At a time of escalating tensions, the mother and stepfather had a run-in with the daughter at their grandson's soccer game.
I brought [a bag of used] clothing and was talking to another mother re giving her daughter (son on team) some of the clothes if they might fit. [....] Within approx. 5 min [daughter] appears behind me and say I want to talk to you NOW! I replied just a moment. NO NOW she raises her voice. I turn from lady on bleachers and say I'll be with you in just a moment when I finish speaking. Then she goes beserk and starting verbally attacking me. Note I have no idea why or what she is talking about. I say to her it seems we are not able to communicate and perhaps my husband and I are not able to either because I do not know what you are talking about @ which point I walk to him. I never say anything and she goes off on him.
The fight ended with her daughter cutting her off again.
When other members of the mixed forum asked her about her history with her daughter, she said she had no idea why her daughter had previously cut her off for eight years. She also said her adult children came to therapy with her
to give them the oportunity to share any and all things that had bothered them during childhood during divorce and the teenage years in order to move forward as an ADULT respectful relationship---I got things like you packed corn chips in lunch every time and didn't change that up when they didn't eat at school. REALLY is that all you can come up with????? Seriously!!
Another member replied,
If you don't mind, I'm actually going to go back to the "corn chips" issue for starters... Is it possible that your DDs brought that up as a way of saying that you don't seem to pick up on certain cues? Like the fact that they never ate the corn chips didn't prompt you to try something else or ask them what they'd prefer? By the same token, and in more serious matters, perhaps your estranged DD feels you don't pick up on sone important cues now? Like maybe she mentions that her dad might be coming b/c she doesn't want you all there together, as I discussed above? And you're just not gettting it?
The mother replied,I read your posts to DH and at some points he was laughing just because of this way of connecting. Because of the not picking up on the cues comment. Just FYI I am so hyper vilient [vigilant] re picking up on most everything due to my past that it is a hoot sometimes. If there is the most remote chance of something I usually always pick up on it.
Another member, a 60-something grandmother and licensed psychologist who worked as a guardian ad litem, had a reply so perfect and thorough that I'm going to let it stand as the conclusion to this article.
Of course you know why you are cut off.
According to you, your daughter stood in front of you at the baseball game and TOLD you why. I presume she used words you understand in a language you both speak. Thus you DO know.
I can understand you did not like the delivery method. But the delivery method does not affect the MEANING of the words, nor does it invalidate her feelings or opinions. You may feel justified in turning off your listening because you didn't like her delivery, but that's not helpful at all for you. It's like refusing to accept your paycheck because you want it printed on a pink check not a green one. The money is still the same. [....]
I can understand that you may not agree with whatever it was she told you is the problem--but again, that does not mean there is no problem. She told you in a language you understand what the problem is, and you understood her meaning. That you disagree with the problem is immaterial. It's still a problem whether you agree with it or not. It will be a problem forever until you deal with it. Saying, "I don't understand the problem" when you really mean, "I don't agree this is a problem" will not make the problem go away. It will make the person who DOES think it a problem go away--and you had a 8 year cut off demonstrating that principle.
If your daughter thinks it's a problem, IT IS A PROBLEM, whether you agree or not. SHE--not you--has the final say on whether she has a problem with you or not. Here again is a power struggle between you: HER: "This is a problem", YOU: "I see no problem". Guess who's going to win this debate? Not you. [....]
This game of 'I don't understand what happened' when you have been told in words what's wrong is really counterproductive. Yes, it permits you to shield your ego/self esteem from criticism and 'exposure' of your inadequacies in the relationship--but it loses you the relationship.
In order to solve the problem, you have to decide what is more important to you: your daughter and grandchildren, or your ego and belief that you are innocent of doing anything but little insignificant wrongs. It's very common, especially for people from abusive backgrounds who were not adequately nurtured as children, to stop protecting their egos--way to threatening. And many--especially if they have other emotional outlets (such as a supportive spouse and friends)--will choose ego over a relationship. It's easier and more comfortable--but ultimately very self defeating and impoverishing.
(The mother never replied.)
(But she did keep going to her grandchildren's games uninvited and cornering her grandchildren to talk to them.)


Wednesday, November 18, 2015

What estranged parents say about us.


This is the opening salvo on Daily Strength Estranged parents site.  On a thread about apologizing and making amends to their Estranged Kids

They chose estrangement. To shut down instead of work on. I think this says it all. You cannot make amends or apologize to someone who has shut you down. If they had ever been open to working things through, they would never have estranged you in the first place. In other words, estrangement doesn't just happen. They were distanced long before the pulled the proverbial 'plug'.



And the follow up .......



Ding ding ding ding ding!!! We have a winner, folks!! AND the best answer to "why" that I can think of!
It's like beating your head against a brick wall. All you get is a headache, and the wall is still there. <<hugs>>


This "shutting down" is exactly what an infant does- unable to voice his/her feelings, it's the infantile rejection, turn the head away, sulk and reject.Imagine if you had tried to say sorry to your 2 year old in that frame of mind- it's the same! Adulthood requires maturity, bravery, compassion and thought- never seen that in a small child! The question is why have they not learned to be adults? Probably loads of reasons, but my feeling is that in our technological society we "let them think they are adults" but fail to require them to be adults. My dad went to work at the age of 15, and helped to support his family. Some of our kids are still in the nest in their late thirties! Not good for us or for them. Hugs to all this November day xxx

You'll love this one! and I swear this comment is true and correct. I didn't change a word.  I just made it red to high lite it. 


Dang dognabit I think I may have to let ferdina's evil twin flubbity join skippy club and agree because really, one slap and the child is ruined forever mentally puleeeeze spare me. As a victim of gross child abuse I have absolute contempt for such a claim and any therapist caters to that needs to face the wrath of real victims of abuse.




Fucking beam me up Scotty There's no intelligent life here!
What the fuck does that even mean?? It sounds  like a Saturday Night Live skit gone horribly wrong.  
She's going to let ferdina's evil twin  flubbity join skippy club?
Sounds like somebody slipped a hit of acid into Sarah Palins cup a Joe

This is their opinion on making amends to their kids.....

I think that making amends/apologies should be more for our own healing. To me if I make any more amends it will come straight from my heart. Straight from what heart? I don't think you have a heart.
However............since we have had a couple of topics on apologies.............if I stand back, I can see where the estrangers/kidults might see us as weak. Can you hear them saying, "I wouldn't apologize. That makes you look weak."?????????
Just like some folks apologize for crying. You see them on TV in interviews, they'll have tears and apologize for the tears. Why? <<<<<<<<no need to answer that.
We are not weak. I think we can feel weak under the stress and strain though.

Is Doctor Phil in the house? And I thought Love was the ability to show your weakness to another and feel safe. I guess they would rather beat their kids than to appear weak

 - So Very True! DH and I feel like we're given less respect than a door-to-door solicitor or a telephone sales call. Moms put their lives on the line to give birth, only to be treated like dirt by their adult children. It's shameful, really, but ultimately like you said, they CHOSE it.

I never abused my kids...and there's never been any accusation of abuse!
Except once..no twice...all around the same time
when my daughter came home from my exes age 15 or so
and told me that his new girlfriend had yelled at her dogs
And my ED had a "flashback" of me yelling at her once
Also I slapped her face on the eve of her 14 birthday
Not a proud moment but she'd just been so rude to me and I was so frustrated...:((
I feel so bad...oh for a time machine....





Here's your time machine Bitch. I hope it gives you a seizure. 

Err umm I call .......BULLSHIT!!!! and Here's my response to one, no two of them. Next time think before you give your kid one up to the side of his head. 
I told my mother "I am what you made me".
Considering I will be 58 in July, and knowing this doesn't preclude me from being a spoiled brat,  I am probably older than the pissing and moaning freaks over there. And in over 50 years I never felt the need to make amends to my grandmother because she was normal.

How about leaving your kids the fuck alone?They obviously hate you and I bet golly gee wilikers ding dang to donuts you earned that hate. 
 Roses are Red, Violets are Blue, Some Poems Rhyme, But This One Doesn't.




Monday, November 16, 2015

Accidents will happen.

Soldiers Daughter


 My grandfather was in WWI and died in 1956.  My sister told me that my mother would take her to his grave and sit beside it and weep.  There was an old picture of him in uniform taken in front of an American flag. Because of my mothers scorched earth tactics that picture now belongs to my ex-wife. May she she never run out of toilet paper.


I try to mitigate my anger at my mother by thinking that being wherever it is that people go when they die, she is there, and her penance is to be given the empathy she never had here and to be forced to look back and see the nasty things she did to us, and feel what it feels like to be on the receiving end of  her cruelty.  But that would make me no better than her. What's the difference in me wishing she would  finally get the picture and grieve about it for eternity, and her doing what she did to us?
   Me wishing the sins of my parents be visited on them forever is no better than us receiving it down here for a finite period. And depending on the religious belief you subscribe to, when we get to where we go after we die,  our souls will be beyond mortal pettiness, and we won't be bothered by trifling  earth bound ways.
   I really don't get it. I have two choices. Hope she gets what she gave us here, which makes me no better than her, or hope that we can all live together in peace and harmony in the hereafter which means she gets off Scot free.  Then there is all that "he who is without sin caste the first stone" business. It ain't like I have spent my life collecting food for the homeless. I have been a drinker and a skirt chaser for most of my life. Do I want to be persecuted for every bit of grief I have given to others. Where will the line be drawn? Can I expect to be drubbed for each time I stood up a date? Will I be persecuted for eternity because I told Mrs. Henderson I cut the grass around her air conditioner when it was really a lie.
 Talk about Poetic Justice.  I divorced my ex for a reason. And that reason is that she was crazy. I laugh when I think about how my ex conned my mother long enough to get it all and then roll my mother into a shallow grave. I bet my mother couldn't wait to die knowing she would get the ultimate in last words. I guess I just wonder what her true aim was. The only winner was my ex. Was it so important to be a bitch that she gave the person who hated her most,  everything? I really don't get what her objective was.

Friday, November 13, 2015

I Stole this Post from Bess Way Back





As long as there are people that want to Minimize and Rationalize the Damage Narcs do these words will remain relevant
http://onefootifoto.blogspot.com/  is Bess's  blog address. She had copied it from Anna V's blog narcissists SUCK!. The unofficial bench mark of writing about narcissists 
http://narcissists-suck.blogspot.com/

It is impossible to explain how evil came into being without, in some substantive way, lessening it. We assume when something is explained to our satisfaction that we've taken the mystery out of the puzzle. Its not evil...its the result of abuse. Its not evil...they have messed up chemicals in their brains. Its not evil...their genetics are at fault. Any explanation of the etiology of evil must discount the power of choice, free will, and personal responsibility. Period.

Don't fall for what passes for "truth" by the prescribers of false righteousness. They want peace at all costs. They are willing to overlook the crimes of abusers in order to keep things looking good on the surface. They want you to screw yourself by pretending someone didn't injure you, steal from you, slander you, etc. They demand you submit to bad treatment so they don't have to deal with anything as messy as your hurt or angry feelings at having been crapped on and screwed yet again. See what I'm saying? These people who condemn your negative feelings are demanding you put up with being raped. They are demanding your silence. In fact, in a real sense, they are piling on with the narcissist. They don't want to be inconvenienced by your justifiable reactions to evil deeds done to you or yours. Do not give moral weight to the opinions of someone who is only studying their own convenience and therefore willing to subvert justice in the name of a false peace or truce with evil.

Give up your quest to find peace at the cost of honesty. Be honest with yourself about what you feel. Attempts to lessen the guilt of the guilty is an illegitimate way to cope with your negative reactions to them. Accept the truth that a decent person should be angry and outraged at perverted and evil behaviors. Evil people create themselves. They stand before God Himself with no excuses for their evil deeds. He will strip away all their excuses in the final judgment and they will be forced to bear the full guilt for their choices. We should quit trying to be better than God Himself.

Thursday, November 12, 2015

Parasitic Castration


I always feel like a whiner trying to explain to the uninitiated what it's like to be raised by a narc.
If you say they didn't pay for your college, people will tell you that you should do what everybody else does and get a part time job, and a student loan. This is a valid suggestion and exactly what I did. But they never hear the things like how they told a potential spouse you are a serial cheater and she breaks up with you and she happens to be grand daughter of a Rockefeller and went on to inherit a bazillion dollars .
The Narc is only about making your business their business.
And you almost bought Apple stock when it was initially offered but didn't because the narc didn't want a son that was a worthless fruit peddler. A job in telecommunications was dismissed as an exercise in soup cans and kite string. But when that industry becomes the wave of the future you don't hear about how they talked you out of it, people only hear how they recognized the potential and tried to talk you into pursuing a career but you were too stupid, lazy, and undisciplined to take the bull by the horn.  And little by little by little they become  parasites that get a foothold in your brain and change your body chemistry until you are just a puppet whose main focus is to make you forget about your own survival  in lieu of perpetuating theirs.
They don't want you to pursue anything that you want to pursue. They don't like your job, they don't like your spouse, they don't like your house, they don't like anything about you. And they are ready willing and able to tell anybody that will listen, exactly what your short comings are. So you've got people listening to your story and judging you on data provided by a vacuous bore that looks at your life like a dog looks at a page from a calculus book.
As me and another blogger wonder, why do they get such a death grip as we leave, when they obviously hate our guts.
And when you consider how to them the world is one huge popularity contest their meddling ways make us seem as disjointed as a politician explaining why he was caught with a dead girl AND a live boy.
They want credit for our victories but trash us if we run up a blind alley. And they are notoriously stupid .......if I could go back in time I would do the exact opposite of everything my mother told me to do.  What the fuck did she know?
 She died at the age of 80 and had never held a job or drove a car she paid for herself. Every house, car, and stitch of clothing came from some sucker she conned and fucked until he couldn't see straight.  Yet she second guessed every thing I ever tried to accomplish. She had a stroke and my wife visited her and she told her to give me a message to take women to her house and screw them anytime I wanted. This need to sabotage was not a personalty change from her stroke. She was like this her whole life.

Tuesday, November 10, 2015

No Contact Now. No Contact Forever.

The problem with Narc's is their concept of compromise is as diminished as their sense of empathy. It just doesn't compute. What ever grey matter generates those traits is just not there. And no amount of counseling will rebuild their flawed brain. Flawed in that's it's all a zero sum game for them. We'll never get them out of the thinking that for them to win someone else has to lose. I always avoid telling people with any degree of certainty to go no contact with a parent, or close family member, because I just don't know the whole texture of their landscape. But I keep reading blogs and I keep watching Hollywood's representation of Narcs and I finally found an adequate representation of narcissism's inevitable relationship demise. It's filmed well enough to hold  out as an example that I will now go on record as telling you if your relationship is bad enough to make you consider driving off and never looking back......just go ahead and do it. When I left my mothers house never to return I felt like the animals you see on nature programs where they have captured an animal in the wild and then set it free to the wild once again. The creature cautiously takes a few steps and realizing that he no longer has the constraints from before, takes off like a shot out of a cannon. When I left my mothers house I walked up to the nearest intersection. Then I realized I was alone in a bad part of town with no payphones to be seen. And no money to call out if did find one. So I walked back to my car and got in. All the while expecting my mother to descend on me like the bat she was and start flapping around me and pecking my eyes out. (I know bats don't have beaks but for the purpose of this demonstration work with me)
Somebody involved in this recreation has been there. There are no trigger warnings but this, if you relate to this, you might want to get away from these freaks before you waste another second trying to placate people that will not be placated.
This clip ends just before the daughter asks/tells the mother to leave. Since narcs won't compromise I'll presume forever. I lost a lot of money going no contact and I think it was worth every penny. To be shed of the dynamic duo of my mother and my ex wife is a peace of mind I didn't know existed. Think about it! That last sentence is words that should never be spoken by a boy about his mother. But there you have it.

Saturday, November 7, 2015

Sharia Law

I don't have anything against Hillary Clinton, but I would think people would learn more about politics before they mindlessly cast their votes. These people have no clue what Sharia law is, but will gladly support anything they think Clinton endorses


Only one person said the words"I don't know" and she/he was easily swayed by the interviewer
to join the crowd.
 http://opinionator.blogs.nytimes.com/2013/04/29/the-power-of-i-dont-know/?hp&_r=0
Sharia law is the law of Islam. The Sharia law is cast from the actions and words of Muhhammad, which are called "Sunnah," and the Quran, which he authored.
The Sharia law itself cannot be altered, but the interpretation of the Sharia law, called "figh," by imams is given some leeway.
As a legal system, the Sharia law covers a very wide range of topics. While other legal codes deal primarily with public behavior, Sharia law covers public behavior, private behavior and private beliefs. Of all legal systems in the world today, Islam's Sharia law is the most intrusive and strict, especially against women.
According to the Sharia law:
•  Theft is punishable by amputation of the right hand.
•  Criticizing or denying any part of the Quran is punishable by death.
•  Criticizing or denying Muhammad is a prophet is punishable by death.
•  Criticizing or denying Allah,the god of Islam is punishable by death.
•  A Muslim who becomes a non-Muslim is punishable by death.
•  A non-Muslim who leads a Muslim away from Islam is punishable by death.
•  A non-Muslim man who marries a Muslim woman is punishable by death.
•  A man can marry an infant girl and consummate the marriage when she is 9 years old.
•  Girls' clitoris should be cut (per Muhhads words in Book 41, Kitab Al-Adab, Hadith 5251).
•  A woman can have 1 husband, but a man can have up to 4 wives; Muhammad can have more.
•  A man can unilaterally divorce his wife but a woman needs her husband's consent to divorce.
•  A man can beat his wife for insubordination.
•  Testimonies of four male witnesses are required to prove rape against a woman.
•  A woman who has been raped cannot testify in court against her rapist(s).
•  A woman's testimony in court, allowed only in property cases, carries half the weight of a man's.
•  A female heir inherits half of what a male heir inherits.
•  A woman cannot drive a car, as it leads to fitnah (upheaval).
•  A woman cannot speak alone to a man who is not her husband or relative.
•  Meat to be eaten must come from animals that have been sacrificed to Allah - i.e., be Halal.
•  Muslims should engage in Taqiyya and lie to non-Muslims to advance Islam.•  The list goes on.

Wednesday, November 4, 2015

You may already be a wiener!



In the spirit of dead from the neck up blogging, I am proud to announce "Q"s Nebulous Rhetoric Award for Blogging Excellence" There are no  rules and no regulations. You won't get an asinine notification in the comment section of your blog, and no requests to nominate ten of your soon to be ex friends. There are no questionnaires. This is a low impact, no money down, non qualifying award. No sales men will call on you. At home or where you work. I can't make your life any easier without coming to your house and mowing your yard. You can win and never have to leave your couch. And you really don't need to possess any writing talent what so ever. 
Just copy and paste this code into your html gadget field.
And your job is done. 

<div style="text-align:center">< 
>=You are a regular Hemingway...{{}}
{{=+ you are a regular Steinbeck.....
{{[[[I know!!}}]]]
{{I am just blogging until that call from}} 
{{Random House comes. }}}
}}}=Send stored {passwords}+{pin numbers}/// +
{{[credit card numbers]}}=>to e-mail {{address}}**>
{{Q1605@gmail.com}}@@%^*
</div> ]]> </Content>
</Module>

Tuesday, November 3, 2015

My Days in a Rock Band

Good times folks 
 good times
hey anonymous here's proof that I look like Jon Bon Jovi
what say you now?
That's what I thought!