Tuesday, November 10, 2015

No Contact Now. No Contact Forever.

The problem with Narc's is their concept of compromise is as diminished as their sense of empathy. It just doesn't compute. What ever grey matter generates those traits is just not there. And no amount of counseling will rebuild their flawed brain. Flawed in that's it's all a zero sum game for them. We'll never get them out of the thinking that for them to win someone else has to lose. I always avoid telling people with any degree of certainty to go no contact with a parent, or close family member, because I just don't know the whole texture of their landscape. But I keep reading blogs and I keep watching Hollywood's representation of Narcs and I finally found an adequate representation of narcissism's inevitable relationship demise. It's filmed well enough to hold  out as an example that I will now go on record as telling you if your relationship is bad enough to make you consider driving off and never looking back......just go ahead and do it. When I left my mothers house never to return I felt like the animals you see on nature programs where they have captured an animal in the wild and then set it free to the wild once again. The creature cautiously takes a few steps and realizing that he no longer has the constraints from before, takes off like a shot out of a cannon. When I left my mothers house I walked up to the nearest intersection. Then I realized I was alone in a bad part of town with no payphones to be seen. And no money to call out if did find one. So I walked back to my car and got in. All the while expecting my mother to descend on me like the bat she was and start flapping around me and pecking my eyes out. (I know bats don't have beaks but for the purpose of this demonstration work with me)
Somebody involved in this recreation has been there. There are no trigger warnings but this, if you relate to this, you might want to get away from these freaks before you waste another second trying to placate people that will not be placated.
This clip ends just before the daughter asks/tells the mother to leave. Since narcs won't compromise I'll presume forever. I lost a lot of money going no contact and I think it was worth every penny. To be shed of the dynamic duo of my mother and my ex wife is a peace of mind I didn't know existed. Think about it! That last sentence is words that should never be spoken by a boy about his mother. But there you have it.

38 comments:

Anonymous said...

I'm glad I went NC with my adopted NM 25 years ago and never went back. Yes, going NC may make us penniless, but it's worth every pennies we earned on the long run. Narcs are extra baggage we don't need. Some narcs are very dangerous because they could steer you to long-term stay in a mental hospital or a group home for adults who "have severe mental illness."

If you are in one of these places, you could not make decision for your life, eat foods you like, watch movies, or socialize with your friends. You could not plan your daily schedule, leave when you want to, come home when you are ready, or eat whatever you want to eat for the moment. Two of my adopted siblings lived through these living hell. My adopted brother died and my adopted siblings in living in a group home for adults for "severe mental illness" or senior citizens in a nursing home program.

Yes, there's no compromising with narcs. When I tried to compromise with narcs, they usually laughed at me and betrayed me. NC is the answer. I am praying for those who are forced to contact with their narcs (parents, ex-spouse) due to child custody issues and financial circumstances. Hopefully, they will get their chance to go NC in the future. I'm glad you got out of your narc mother for good, Q! Whoosh!

Tundra Woman said...

Anything after, "No we are not sharing custody-"full stop right there. It would have triggered a massive CB Rage instantly. Now of course I realize these Rages were like the military's Fire for Effect to calibrate the target. The Rages, as was finally demonstrated to me during Psychob's ambush at my residence a few years post NC was an ACT. A Tall Toddler Tantrum/Meltdown/"Fire for Effect" CB style. Watch what happens when you stand up for yourself instead of backing down, cowering in fear or shame-again. Even though I had to call the police etc. her response to my dialing 911 was so very telling, it was almost worth the experience. When I called from the window, "I'm calling the police NOW" and she saw me start to dial, instantly in mid screech/wailing/crying she shut up, turned around and without another word, went to her car and left. I got a good look at her face when I called to her through the window-for someone who was crying/screaming there was not a sign of wetness or tears on her face. Two questions: How real was that behavior? Did she REALLY believe she had any right to be on my property or as she wailed dramatically to anyone and everyone she "didn't know WWHHHYYY!" I NC'd/had never received my No Contact short note?
I can't begin to convey how stunned I was by her response. Not only was she a nasty POS but she also demonstrated a typical Criminal Mindset. When the only mediator of behavior in an adult (not a kid) is what they THINK they can get away with? That absolutely IS a Criminal Mindset in action.
Here's another point to consider: NC wouldn't even enter the mind of people who have not been raised in an abusive environment nor would limiting contact with their "family" be a consideration either. The reality you're entertaining those options as an adult speaks volumes to what you have experienced-even if you don't see it yet.
Yes, it IS "that bad." Fear, Obligation, Guilt, Pity are NOT "love." They are Tools of Manipulation.
TW

q1605 said...

Sheer profundity from TW once again.
Anonymous.......I wouldn't wish death on anyone but it sure shut my mother the fuck up! Now any time wasted is on me.

Joan S said...

I know I sound like Eeyore a lot of the times, but about no contact. You did not free the slaves and have the close to the same impact as no contact was for me. Yippeeeeee.

q1605 said...

Anonymous do you find it more frustrating that her adopting you might have stood in the way of your possible adoption by a normal person?

Jonsi said...

T-Dubs: "When the only mediator of behavior in an adult (not a kid) is what they THINK they can get away with? That absolutely IS a Criminal Mindset in action." I agree. It's the thinking of a child of about three years old. In an actual three-year old, it's "allowable" but you teach them that kind of thinking isn't an acceptable way behave. You can't (and should not attempt to try) to teach a fully-ass-grown adult the same. I imagine it fucking sucks for a kid to have a kid for a parent.

q1605 said...

Jonsi That's the thing that hangs me and Sis up to this day. How the kids around them realized from the get go that our parents were crazy but it just didn't matter. My parents had everyone buffaloed so watching the kids act like adults didn't raise a red flag. It was us that always got stuck with a suicidal father and us that watched her betray him over and over and over so no one cared. It wasn't their ass on the line. The only light my mother shed on their insanity was as an adult she told me my father was crazy. So taking my usual role as adult arbiter of doing the right thing, I tried to defend him. I said mom "I don't think he was crazy" Just because he went out front and ummmmm" never mind"
There was no sympathy for me that she allowed that shit to go on around us. Just the usual stone wall of I have all the money so you must bow to me attitude.

q1605 said...

Joanie what I feel like is Cassandra the Greek goddess who was punished by being able to foretell the future and have no one believe her. You know my history. But if I demonstrably tell people it could happen to anyone certain people around either don't believe me or call me a hater. Which I am if you are a narc or a narc poser.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

I'm glad you left too Q. I feel like I am in some kind of spiritual battle facing the severe pennilessness now--not homeless point we are keeping the main bills paid but the round of food pantries and rest are getting old especially as we know the narcs are living it up. This video reminded me of all the times I was actually having asthma attacks and told to suck it up and that I could not cope. Narcs endanger lives. I made sure I never went in a car with my mother for years fearing an ignored breathing problem. The woman in the video is saving her son, I know its fiction and hope that happens in the real world more.

Im glad anon that you got away from an adopted NM. Yes it is scary the poverty. it held me off knowing I was cutting off my main chance of leaving the destitute class but with warnings I knew I was cut out anyway and didn't want to sell my soul with the rest of them. I left too, to avoid the guardianship trap and net that was thrown over an aunt who is far less physically ill then me in many ways. I could see me being squirreled into a nursing home or group home one day via no choice of my own if anything happened to my husband. I have studied independent living papers in the disability movement and this happens more easily then most people no.

Narcs are very dangerous to disabled people and the more severely disabled you are watch out. I have met people who warned me against the group home and nursing homes. I used to think I would go willingly if something happened to my husband but one reason I can still walk at a weight most people cannot, is I am afraid of being helpless and having people make decisions for me. I know this can happen to people even if they fight it, but I'm trying to avoid that fate. Growing completely deaf where hearing aids would not help scares me too as to the isolation factor and the advantage could be taken.

Once someone is in the system, great abuses can occur and sorry for what your siblings went through anon.

Narcs don't compromise, its their way or the highway. Some will laugh and go along but demand you give in, when you don't they then have the rage.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

I was reading a book TW that showed me that their rages are fake. I kind of suspected but was still in the fog when young. They'd rant and rave and rip their hair out, but if a neighbor walked by or a friend knocked on the door or called, it was immediate sweetness and light. They use their rage to manipulate. I got to get better too at spotting the fake tears. They like to frighten and cow people with their acting jobs. Oh it sucks. The rages I had to deal with never ended. They held good jobs and their "anger management" problems were never a problem there!

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

As for being NC with narcs. I have to draw the NC line due to the fake ex friend, now writing disgusting comments on my blog. She thinks volunteering and positive thoughts will "Fix" my life and is pissed I walked away. Man I have come out of such major fog regarding these projects and fixers who want to shine next to the one they consider themselves superior too. It's on the Did Somebody Film Me article?

Anonymous said...


Thank you for asking me a question about adoption, Q. Yes, I have been angry for years that a narc woman was allowed to adopt me over normal people who were looking to adopt children. My foster parent who raised me for 8 years tried to adopt me. Unfortunately, there was a stupid law that prevented them from adopting me. When they appealed and lost, a narc woman was able to adopt me.

My adopted siblings and I were normal children who were easier to raise children. I have a hearing problem that got worse after I moved in with a narc woman. My adopted siblings did not have a disability. My adopted narc mother wanted money so she played crazy making games on them on order to claim that they had mental illness and defective genes from their "poor, uneducated, alcoholic, unfit birth mother." She was a social worker of an adoption agency so my agency did not evaluate her. She was a piece of work.

She was a predator worse than Ted Bundy, because she killed too many souls. Yes, she stood in the way. I could write a long biography on what she did to get in the ways of normal adults to adopt me and my adopted siblings. :(

q1605 said...

That would infuriate me anonymous. I am mad enough knowing I was an oops baby but if I could have been adopted by somewhat normal people but was knocked out of the chance because my parents hogged up the place I might of had in a normal family I would probably do the things I joke about now. Things like digging her up and putting her head on a stick etc. As drastic as that sounds I would really take enjoyment from that. So for now I will have to be content knowing her off spring she had hoped for but was denied (my ex wife) cashed out and rolled her in a grave with none of the fanfare she paid a lot of money for.

q1605 said...

Anon we can hold on to the hope that they will come up with a test for sociopaths and narcissists and sterilize them...or at least exclude them from eligibility to adopt babies. My step daughter has a young boy and watching him grow up and thinking of the garbage me and my sister was put through, it just doesn't compute.

q1605 said...

Anonymous.......At this stage of my life nothing shocks me much anymore. Don't be embarrassed to speak your mind. I was at first cuz just cuz.......look at the mother I had. She was the type of woman that women kept their husbands away from. I know how it feels to open up at first. You think everybody you see read what you wrote and all will point at you and whisper as you walk down the street. But no body reads this blog all that much. So comment away.
I am not gay but look at how it's accepted now. There was a whole generation of people that had to stick their necks out not knowing how they would be judged. There is no shame for us because most acons are pretty good people. It's the effin Narcs that should be embarrassed. You know where to find me, if there is any thing I can help you with. That's a long winded way of saying that reading behind the lines of your comments makes me wonder if your mother was/is as crazy as mine. I hate having a mother that crazy. But it's not a competition. If it was it would be the first one that winning is losing and vice versus.

Joan S said...

I used to think my mother was kind when we got sick. But now, with years of no contact under my belt, I know differently. We both have colds and are sick right now. "Stop barking" was what mother used to say when we coughed with bad colds. Heck, I hear it in my head when I cough. I even tend to want to suppress my cough, for fear. And this cold has been bringing up other memories of mother and how mean she was when we were sick. She used to be so upset when we were sick, and its hard to imagine, I used to think she was kind?

Joan S said...

Anonymous, I feel so bad for you. That soul murdering evil person, your adoptive mother, had no right to adopt you. I can picture her now, Satan with skin. I know they soul murder, when I get out of bed in the morning, I have to shake my head and get it together, brand new, like its the first time, every time. So many lives have been lost, and they are still not recognized. I feel like I want to go campaigning or something.

Pandora Viltis said...

I saw that episode of The Affair, and my one issue with Helen's character is how she seems to blame everyone else for her current situation. Maybe she has been a passive player in a game run by narcissists (her husband and parents included, and holy hell, daughter Whitney is a total bitch), but it comes off as whiny to me regardless of whether she was a victim.

But I was really cheering when she kicked her mother out.

mulderfan said...

There's some BS theory about narcs being "created" by some severe emotional injury when they are toddlers which freezes them in the "me! me! me!" phase and prevents them from developing empathy. I call it BS because narcs like my NF can turn it on and off depending on whether they're dealing with outsiders or their "loved" ones.
I grew up being totally confused by people that told me how lucky I was to have such great parents. Most people that have casual contact with NF STILL think he's a great guy.
The only thing that embarrasses me these day is that I was dumb-ass enough to put up with my NPs as long as I did!
LOL, Q! I'm an "oops baby" too who was also an "oops girl" and those were my two greatest sins.

Anonymous said...

Hi Q, Sorry I did not respond earlier. I typed a long response to Fivehundredpoundpeep’s blog on Debi Thomas and then fell asleep. Yes, yes, yes, I believe narcs, sociopaths, psychopaths, particularly malignant ones should be sterilized and denied of children. I don’t give a flying f--- if this is considered a eugenic, Nazified proposals. Malignant narcs, particularly those who are unwilling to let others to have a life of their own, should not have access to children and vulnerable people.

Narcs should be screened out of jobs that require them to deal with vulnerable population. These jobs in question are social worker, counselors, therapists, case workers, psychologists, psychotherapists, attorneys, clergy, and doctors. Colleges and universities need to start recruiting and providing financial support for non-narcs and good people for these positions instead, and weeding out narcs. Corporations need to start cutting back on decision making duties to narc executives and leaders and assigned decision making duties to people who have empathy or ability to understand others.

I believe rapists should be sterilized, especially if it became apparent that they are using their children as pawns in order to get “child support” checks from somebody who had been hoodwinked into unwanted parenthood, and spending 18 years dealing with a diabolically evil person. If narcs could not support their children without abusing them, the state should take their children away from them and find non-narc relatives or adults to adopt these children. In the meantime, sterilize narcs, so that they could not abuse adults of opposite sex in order to get more children to abuse and use.

Many adopted adoptees and I loathe our narc adopted parents. We have been complaining that normal people did not want us until some of us learned that our normal biological or foster parents tried to keep us. Thinking back, I noticed that most children were not placed with normal people because there were narc social workers who did not want us to get love from our normal parents. They mocked at normal people for being “too syrupy, unrealistic, sappy, or backward.” They wanted us to have a “parents” who felt the same as they did. They did not say or recognize that these like-minded adults were narcs, but they wanted to place children with adults who had “similar values” and “similar mentality” as they did. I observed this over the years and spoke up on the 1990s. I noticed some changes in a state I came from. However, some private adoption agencies help narcs to adopt children.

In most instances, CPS “failed” to remove children from their narc abusive parent for several reasons. One was that social workers are like-minded social workers who felt attacked by children who complained about abuse. That’s one reason why graduate school and state health departments need to start denying narcs of a job opportunity in social services and counseling fields. Two, there had been broken laws somewhere that prevented social workers from removing children from their narc biological parents. Three, some narcs have money, power, and connection. They are bullies who trampled on others in other to get their powerful positions and connections. Hopefully society will start pulling them down and keeping them down. Four, because narcs won their high conflict cases and kept their children longer. There are more reasons that I could not get on my head for now.

q1605 said...

Anonymous..... never feel obligated to write here there or anywhere that you don't feel like writing. I go through periods where I just don't have anything to say. Then I'll get fired up and go on a comment and post tear until I vent myself out. I think it sucks that narcs tear people down so far that they feel the need to post anonymously "lest they betray the circle of trust" My ultimate sin was to try and show the world what a monster people had as a so called friend and neighbor. And do it in a way that let my mother know I was doing it. I sent newspaper clippings of her trial and wrote letters detailing her psychopathic life to the people around her that she "cared for" Basically telling them that the person you think you know and the person she is couldn't get any farther from reality than Pluto can get from the Earth. I pulled out all the stops. In essence she was her own undoing in that department. Because the instant I walked out I knew she was going to do anything in her power to screw me over. She can't stand to be rejected first. If there is going to be any betrayal done she wants to be the one doing it. I have watched her do this all my life so I beat her to the punch. In hindsight I realize I loaded her gun to paint me as a crazy person so I had nothing to lose. And I went full bore. So she left all the family assets to my first wife. Evidently there are many people that look at her actions as an indictment of her shitty son. But in my mind people who know me long term also know I am a reasonable man. Forget any conceptions you have of me from the blogs. In person I am a likable guy. But I feel it is somewhat of a duty to get the word out that Narcissist's will do anything for money. Down to actions that could conceivably lead to the death of their off spring. There isn't enough money in the world to get me to kill a guy in cold blood. But 10K is the price that my mother was willing to kill for. They could have accidentally shot through a window and killed me or my sister but she set it all up anyway. I am trying to avoid specifics, but it's hard to illustrate the true nature of my mother and leave them out. Most Narcs fear jail and don't want the press up their ass. My mother weighed out their chances of success and if it failed weighed how hard it would be to sucker my father into saving her ass. My father lost in that calculation. But I feel if I don't help people see that these people are evil ...yes I said it......evil then that makes me complicit in their crimes.

q1605 said...

Yeah Pandora. you might could say Helen is a victim of a monster she helped create. But just isolating that scene really show the anger that consumes you when you finally have had enough. I wasn't expecting her to be so angry. She does remind me of my tone when I went off on my mother. Just that this time I will not be shouted down. And if it means me shouting you down I will be heard. I wish the whole scene was out to publish. How she walks back toward her mother and tells her she hates her and she needs to leave. Knowing that the house was most likely paid for by her mother and/or her father makes it even more delicious.
Mulderfan. I don't buy that shit either. If being around horrific events makes you act out I should be a regular fucking Lawrence Oliveir

q1605 said...

Anonymous. I absolutely see how narcs install themselves in positions of enough authority to muck around in peoples lives and muck around enough to ruin it for everybody. It's the perfect cover. They reject perfectly capable parents and hide behind a cover of looking out for the child's interests.
I have made no bones about being processed through the criminal justice system and years later realizing I had not broken the law. People always say they were at the wrong place at the wrong time but you dissect their case and they were guilty as sin. But I WAS at the wrong place at the wrong time and later when I realized their mistake it was too late. I was so jaded by the system I got on google and bought law books and crafted a petition for habeas corpus and got my conviction vacated. By this time I was divorced and bankrupted and and and really because of a prefect storm of a dirty cop and a lazy lawyer and a prosecutor in an election year who had no morals. I thought the criminal justice system was as they say "their duty is not to convict but to see that justice is done". It should read a "corrupt bunch of asshole narcissists that take the flimsiest of cases and threaten the guy with a draconian jail sentence to accept a plea deal he will be sorry for later lest we put him prison for a sizable portion of his life". But that probably costs too much to carve in Latin on the face of their granite building.

mulderfan said...

I think I had a hand in creating a monster too. As a kid I had no choice but to play thire game but as an adult, even after I took the red pill, I kept reinforcing my narcs' behaviours by going back for more. Not that saying "fuck 'em" years ago would have made them change one damn bit.

q1605 said...

It wouldn't have changed them but it might have changed you. If you have heard that line about the "glorious results of a misspent youth". When spoken in first person It's indicative of an admission of guilt......like I fucked up .....My bad!
But with us it's like the glorious results of a bunch of maniacs misspending a youth that didn't belong to them.
People doing their drive through thing tell us to get over the past and move on......Tell that to the guy my mother had a hand in killing. No body ever said a word of pity for that guy back then and now. It's almost like people think her acquittal made his coffin pop up out of the ground and out he came and danced a jig. Not so much. He had an encounter with my mother and it ended in his death. He was dead before the trial, he was dead after, and he is still dead today. What's funny is my mother and her victim are buried in the same graveyard. True story!

q1605 said...

Oh anonymous! you can freely use the f word over here and not be reprimanded for it. We get it. If a life with a narcissist doesn't make you drop an f bomb or two nothing will.

Anonymous said...

Hi Q, Thank you for your warm welcome! I enjoy your blogs from time to time. You gave me great laugh over the time. I like the ones about Narcs as Nazis earlier this year. Hope you remember that post you made this past May and you got my drift (it has been deleted). He he he.

I could tell you that narcs are usually white collared criminals who got away with their crimes such as bribery and fraud. They usually hire psychopathic attorneys, psychologists, social workers, and government offices to perform dirty work for them and helping them covering their ass. My adopted mother was one of them. As soon as I got out when I was 21, many good social workers started telling me that my adopted mother was a welfare cheater. They were suspicious that she abused me and my adopted siblings because we did not want to “be mentally ill” or “abnormal.” My adopted mother wanted to collect extra money from Adoption Assistance Funds for adopting “older, hard-to-place, minority, and/or disabled children.”

Narcs are the worst gold diggers types so it is the main reason for our NC. We could never negotiate with a psychopathic who are there to scam us for money. They use people to get money. Narc women used their husband and children in order to get money because some do not want to work. Narc men usually cheat, lie and steal or trample on others in order to get money.

Anonymous said...

I want to add that narcs are usually connected with fellow like-minded narcs. My adopted narc mother has friends who supported her decisions to adopt me and my adopted siblings. They saw her abusing us but they did not care. I found out why later and confronted one of her friends. When I was 32, I confronted her college friends for not protecting me and my adopted siblings from abuse. As we went along with our phone conversation, I realized I was talking to an abuser. Our phone conversation ended badly that I did not talk to her again. I remember that her husband and children were left confused because I told them the truth. They could not comprehend what I was telling them that they stuffed and asked my adopted narc mother’s friend questions. After they handed her a phone, her friend called me by my adopted name and then shoved my adopted narc mother’s fake history to my throat. I yelled at her until she hung up on me.

That friend in question received her BA degree from the University of Chicago and her PhD degree from the University California-Berkeley. She and her husband were college professors who befriended my adopted narc mother since they were graduate students at UC Berkeley. I remember them telling me that they were friends because they had similar values and philosophies of life. I Googled on them last night because of Debi Thomas’ recent hardships with smear campaign and gaslighting abuse. Her experiences made me think about them. I noticed they were hiding there PhD dissertations, work histories, and writings from others. Narcs are usually dry when they write and need to hide their dissertations or written materials.

I have been in graduate school for years. I noticed professors and college administrators have been tough on narcs, cheaters, and students who had “inflated self-esteem.” My life in graduate student was much harder because of these issues. I had a lot of experiences competing with cheaters for good grades so I get irritated when my colleagues lie about their academic credentials or hide information from public.

I’ve been told that those who have PhD degrees are my colleagues. My adopted narc mother’s friends became my colleagues when I started graduate school 2 years ago. Because they are narcs, I got irritated when I was unable to find dissertations or their written. My bullshit meter went high. I wanted to analyze their written materials to see if they were dry. Many narcs write shitty, ambiguous thesis or dissertation. They play intellectual games on others by using ambiguous statements in their written materials, and then tell people that they are intellectually inferior if they don't understand their ambiguous statements. They are dry and are very poor writers. They think they are very intelligent and great writers. Over the years, you will notice these BS narcs do in academic. My adopted narc mother were close friends with these narc academics she met at the University of California-Berkeley. They were arrogant people who looked down on me, my adopted siblings, most adoptees, biological parents, and foster parents. Their arrogance and racism were reasons for their abuses against me and my adopted siblings.

I also noticed that the friends’ daughter might be a narc doctor. A patient complained about her, because she misdiagnosed him as having a bipolar disorder and forced him to take a medication for it. He came to her for a sleeping pills. He hinted that she does not have empathy. That young doctor in question was my adopted sister’s childhood friend until my adopted narc mother told her parent that my adopted sister has bipolar disorder. She and her sister locked their Facebook pages. Oh my! These are examples of why we need to go NC with narcs.

q1605 said...

Yeah I got in a lot of trouble over that. I really don't have a clue what that blogger is about. Narcs suck, no I am a narc.... but I am a covert narc, I am a borderline, avoidant this, seasonal that, anything I click on is mainly links to parts of her story that are links to other pages. One guy came over here calling me a coward and posted over there how I am obviously an alcoholic because I post song links while that blogger has a page her of 20 of her favorite songs about narcs. I think it's some white knight that thinks defending her will cause to immediately get in her car and drive to the airport and fly to his town and have sex with him. Like kids today that have whole relationships on line. They meet, fall in love, fight, lie, cheat, and then dump each other and have never been in the same room. My computer is hanging up and I foresee a career as a boat anchor in it's future. If I have a beef about over there it's how people trivialize people that view life and death as trivial. My mother did what she did I didn't make this up. You can call me a liar you can dismiss me as a hack. But you go to the true crime channel and you will see people just like her that didn't stop like she did. Stacy Castor killed two husbands and as the police closed in on her she poisoned her daughter and faked her suicide note so she could "confess" as her daughter and get off the hook. If she had known how to spell anti-freeze she probably would have gotten away with it. I'll be back I have to go defrag this thing with a sledge hammer.

q1605 said...

About like minded narcs. I was floored at how two people (my mother and my ex wife ) ended up like peas and carrots. When during our whole marriage I never hard one say a kind word about the other. If my ex's mother had called me up telling me my ex had told her to fuck off and busted a spring but instead of trying to reconcile would I will leave my estate to you. I would have called my ex and said you ought to call the law and have them do a well check cause something ain't right. Never in a million years would I have driven her to a lawyer and had her write a new will, yet that's the first thing she did. If I try to imagine her hanging up from my mother I would expect to hear her say cha-ching I hit the jack pot. I can steal candy from a babies mouth and get the final fuck you to my ex whose main crime was divorcing me after he found out a was a cheating sack of shit. Not only that right after I went NC I was jobless thanks to caring for my mother and was behind on a cabin in East Texas. So I agreed to sign it over to her for pennies on the dollar. But I signed off at the office where my ex works and the staff knew me from being married to my ex and they all crowded around slapping me on the back with all the long time no see garbage. And they had not a month before seen my mother in that very office having a will drafted leaving it all my ex-wife. I really don't see how they can sleep at night. This wasn't some CD earning a couple of dollars a year in interest. This was proceeds from a family asset worth a lot of money. Yes it was legally my mothers but we had that farm despite her not because of her. When she killed that guy they wanted to sell it back then and pay her legal fees but my grandmother wouldn't let them. My computer needs the reboot. Sometimes I wonder when I am trashing her and my computer isn't performing well if her evil spirit isn't taking over and causing it to run like shit.

q1605 said...

Enough about me. I start feeling like a broken record after a while. So the people around your parents supported their decision to adopt? That's another thing that chaps me if I think about it. My mother fucking set up a guy to be killed in cold blood. She dismissed it as one guy defending her from rape from the guy who ended up dead. No mention of why we were in Dallas when we were supposed to be meeting my father in Denver. From what I can tell my mother turned the crocodile tear spigot on and everyone huddled around going there, there, Don't cry. We will give you a pass on premeditated murder and let you continue to fuck up your kids. It's beyond unconscionable. It no consolation that it couldn't happen today. It happened back then and it happened to me. That's why people who talk about their disorders like the latest in psychological fashion make me crazy. When I see that it's like hearing the echo from the bomb that was my mother.

q1605 said...

Anonymous. Have you thought about creating your own blog? Your story sounds pretty unique. My sister still tells me I should write a book. I just don't have the wherewithal to see it through. My mother really will haunt me if I try that. Fucking unholy undead bitch. If I had known she was dead when she died I would have stolen her body and driven a stake through her heart at midnight at the crossroads. Until then I will never feel safe from her.

q1605 said...

Anonymous your colleagues should use the Barbarian method and just lie out right. Although it sounds like they did. But I mean really lie if you are going to lie big enough to potentially get caught and be known as dishonest just go all the way with it. I didn't get a degree in economics it was really jet propulsion and NASA used my invention to power the New Horizons probe to Pluto. They are paying me .50 cents a mile in Royalties so by the time it gets to Pluto I will be as rich as Bill Gates. I am taking Angelina Jolie to Spain tonight and after I run with the bulls I will kill one with my bare hands and grill it on a sliver of the sun that will be brought back by another probe that I invented. That's about as bad as my mother telling me she wasn't involved in that guys killing. Which is exactly what she told me despite the fact I was there and saw it go down.

Pandora Viltis said...

Re: the affair scene: yes, I loved when she told her mother she hated her. I also loved the scene when Helen told Allison how "great" Noah was.

The show is truly fascinating. It's always interesting to me when the characters remember different clothing, etc., when recalling the same scene. (Sorry for hijacking. I don't know anyone else who watches The Affair to talk to about it)

q1605 said...

Pandora we really do think alike. You could make a post just out of what she tells Alison on her stoop. About how great he treats you until he is comfortable enough with you to tell you all the things nobody knows about him and after that he makes his flaws known he blames you for them. Is that what you mean? I did a pretty bad job quoting it but it's close enough. I hear that's the way narcs treat you if you are in a romantic relationship with them. I have almost forgotten what it was like with wife number one. But she was hard to please.

Pandora Viltis said...

That's definitely the spirit of the quote. Maura Tierney is great in this. I'm really glad they added her and Cole's perspective this season. Have you noticed how Cole pictures himself as more of an out of shape slob than the other characters do?

q1605 said...

I have always loved her and it doesn't hurt she is smoking hot. She is aging like the way they say men do gracefully and with the dignity of a Helen mirren or a .....Judi Dench is too old. But like the lady that was the shrink on Dexter. Do you really think Cole sees himself as an out of shape slob? Maybe but I remember his representation as the studly do-right ranch hand. Maybe it's because I have morphed over the last year into an out of shape slob so I relate to him better. What ever ...this was a show I didn't think I would like, and I am sucked in Hook Line and Sinker.

Pandora Viltis said...

Yes to how those broads are all aging gracefully. I want what they're having, whatever it is.

If they do Cole and Allisom's perspectives again (or even Noah) and notice how each of the, view Cole. He's definitely shlumpier in his own view whereas I think Noah sees him as competition and Allsion sees him as menacing (but obviously not so much so that she didn't sleep with him -- I'm betting her baby is Cole's)