Monday, November 16, 2015

Soldiers Daughter

 My grandfather was in WWI and died in 1956.  My sister told me that my mother would take her to his grave and sit beside it and weep.  There was an old picture of him in uniform taken in front of an American flag. Because of my mothers scorched earth tactics that picture now belongs to my ex-wife. May she she never run out of toilet paper.

I try to mitigate my anger at my mother by thinking that being wherever it is that people go when they die, she is there, and her penance is to be given the empathy she never had here and to be forced to look back and see the nasty things she did to us, and feel what it feels like to be on the receiving end of  her cruelty.  But that would make me no better than her. What's the difference in me wishing she would  finally get the picture and grieve about it for eternity, and her doing what she did to us?
   Me wishing the sins of my parents be visited on them forever is no better than us receiving it down here for a finite period. And depending on the religious belief you subscribe to, when we get to where we go after we die,  our souls will be beyond mortal pettiness, and we won't be bothered by trifling  earth bound ways.
   I really don't get it. I have two choices. Hope she gets what she gave us here, which makes me no better than her, or hope that we can all live together in peace and harmony in the hereafter which means she gets off Scot free.  Then there is all that "he who is without sin caste the first stone" business. It ain't like I have spent my life collecting food for the homeless. I have been a drinker and a skirt chaser for most of my life. Do I want to be persecuted for every bit of grief I have given to others. Where will the line be drawn? Can I expect to be drubbed for each time I stood up a date? Will I be persecuted for eternity because I told Mrs. Henderson I cut the grass around her air conditioner when it was really a lie.
 Talk about Poetic Justice.  I divorced my ex for a reason. And that reason is that she was crazy. I laugh when I think about how my ex conned my mother long enough to get it all and then roll my mother into a shallow grave. I bet my mother couldn't wait to die knowing she would get the ultimate in last words. I guess I just wonder what her true aim was. The only winner was my ex. Was it so important to be a bitch that she gave the person who hated her most,  everything? I really don't get what her objective was.


Joan S said...

So she got the family photos too, I was wondering about that. Sorry to hear that Q.

I don't think there is anything wrong with wanting justice. Its not like revenge. I believe justice will happen, if I have to believe that this earth is all there is, then, well, I can't believe that lol.

q1605 said...

My ex got everything. EVERY. SINGLE.THING. Including the unused plots in our families burial area. I called the funeral home to get a death certificate for my mother and they wouldn't give me one without my ex's permission. After that I just rolled over and said this was evil on a scale I can't compete with and it's beyond comprehension. My ex from what I can tell is proud of her actions. She told my mothers neighbors that she called me and my sister the day of my mothers death ........It was actually 4 months later. One of my mothers neighbors told my sister that she put masking paper over the windows in my mothers house so no body could see in and see "HER" stuff. I don't know why it came as such a surprise. My mothers whole life was leading up to a time she could put a bullet in the back of the families head. I don't know why it surprised me. I guess I thought there was a depth that even they wouldn't sink to.

mulderfan said...

Having your ex as her only companion at the end might have been justice. Maybe she gave Barb the same kind of abuse you and sis got.

Tundra Woman said...

This is such a recurring theme: "They wouldn't do THAT..."
Umm, yeah: They WILL-and you won't be in it. Fido and Fluffy will, the New York Times Neediest Cases will be cited as will various other more illustrious philanthropic and noted bastions of discretly indiscreet institutions but you? YOU? Who do you think you ARE?! Besides the life-long recipient of proverbial poop and nasty throat cutting behind a sugary smile in public, a harridan in private, a Domestic Terrorist who tortured the very people who were the most vulnerable and innocent simply because they could.
As my SM told me almost frantically decades ago, "TW, don't you understand? Some people are simply EVIL!" And we weren't even talking about Psychob directly.

q1605 said...

Just when you think they will go no lower you find they still haven't bottomed out. My ex used to tell me that her and my mother would talk on the phone and trash me to each other. It was always in the middle of an argument so I blew it off. Now I know it was true.

q1605 said...

I think if I am trying to convey a message here, it's that all the empirical evidence points to my mother's sole attachment to her father wasn't enough to save him from being used as a tool to gouge the surviving members of her family. If she had had a trillion dollars there was no utility in it for her but for her to deny a loved one the things they might have used it for. If I can remind people we had that land in spite of her not because of her. She wanted to sell it to get her ass out of hock during her murder trial but my grandmother wouldn't hear of it.

q1605 said...

Mulderfan I know my ex about as well as I know anybody. IN the end if my mother wasn't dying quick enough I could see her pinching off her oxygen and getting down in her ear and say. Fucking die already, it's happy hour.