Friday, December 18, 2015

Instead of posting this as a comment, it deserves it's own post



I don't why the thought of someone as a decent human being irk's narcissists so much, but it does. I guess if you are a corrupt slut and don't want to take the time to be honest and chaste it makes you jealous. They don't want to do the work to be chaste like not dropping their Capri pants on demand  they just fuck everyone and lie about it later. If you guys haven't seen the "The Bad Seed" you should, That is exactly what my mother must have been like as a child.  The girl basically beat the penmanship winner at school with her shoe until he fell off a pier and drowned. I know beating people with her shoe was my mother's preferred weapon when there wasn't a pistol handy. I can't count the number of times I saw my mother pull her shoe off and smack my father with it. And connecting the little bit of candor she gave me in the time I lived with her, and the few clues I had to connect the dots, it was always her in the wrong. She really subscribed to the best defense is a good offense. Here's one you'll never believe.  I remembered this one time her and my father pulled up to the farm at the same time and she walked up the porch and started whacking him with her shoe. Living down at her house she talked about a time she was eating lunch on the square in the county seat and looked out the window and saw my father pulling into the insurance agency where she worked and where my fathers parents got her a filing job. So instead of waiting until he came into the diner and inviting him to sit down and eat (It wasn't like he wasn't paying her astronomical legal fees and getting his ass in hock to get her ass out of hock) so what does this psycho do?  She walks out the back of the diner and through the alley and sits back down at her desk and acts like she had been there all along. She said he got infuriated and she made it sound like he was the crazy one and not her. He had just went inside her office and saw she was gone but instead of just telling him she had been in the diner and he missed her, and to sit down,and have some lunch with her, she looked him in the eye and told  him she had been at her desk all along.  So I guess they came home and she put her best defense into a good offense via whacking the bejesus out of him with her shoe.  I always read in Joanna Ashmuns blog how they gaslight people to make them crazy. This shows what she was all about. Even in that conversation in current times she implied he was crazy in the same breath she copped to telling him he didn't see what he just saw. And this was the bitch who turned herself into the family matriarch. The sad thing from my perspective is how many stories we all have just like this. We are all crazy and we are still crazy as they sit there and tell you about doing stuff none of us would ever dare to do ourselves. I am so glad I wrote what I wrote to my mother. Reflecting back on a story like this makes me think she should consider herself lucky I didn't go down and smother her with a pillow. Whats sad is that we all have these over the top stories. Why why why? Oh tell me why one crazy ass person can destroy a whole family and do it just for fun!?!?

23 comments:

Jonsi said...

This DEFINITELY reminds me of what it felt like to be with my ex-boyfriend. He was so good at making me feel crazy. We'd be having an argument about something - usually something I'd caught him doing that I was upset about, and by the end of the conversation I always felt like I had done something wrong and was somehow wrongly accusing him of something. The scary thing about that is that he's out there doing exactly that to someone else, maybe procreating, and that he has very likely just gotten better at manipulating and lying and gaslighting. And that's what all narcs do. They don't change. They just get better at hiding their true nature and they continually hone their skills of manipulation. Fucktards.

Judith said...

The Bad Seed is a terrifying movie and reminds me of my mother. Just in the way the young girl speaks, it is just like her, that weirdly measured, calculating speech pattern. Ugh. Creeped me the fuck out.

Joan S said...

That's about my most favorite movie. I've seen it about a dozen times. It was pretty good, and at the time, was pretty amazing, nowadays probably wouldn't be considered politically correct, but I don't know, I don't watch much that's current. My mother would lose her temper like in that one scene, when the girl was describing what she did to her mother. My mother would go on and on, then come back exactly with the charm just like the girl did.

I know the gaslighting is to make us crazy. When I was a teenager my mother said I could go visit a friend in town. My brother drove me. She and my brother went into another town and mother spotted this huge sale on clothes for me, that were really very expensive, but when she got back home she called me at the friends house. She demanded I get my ass back home, now, and no, brother would not come and pick me up, I would have to walk. I was not allowed to get a ride back home at all for mother said she would crucify me if I did. I walked the 2 hours, and when I got back home, mother was all lovely and sweet and showed me the clothes, and wanted me to try them on.

q1605 said...

Seeing how my mother turned out she HAD to have been that way as a child. She even kept some of the baby sounding talk.
Yeah Jonsi I caught my first wife in the act and you would have thought she walked in on ME! I thought I was going to have to physically restrain her. She came out of this guys bedroom (this story could make a whole new post...it was like the keystone cops all the things leading to her discovery) But when she walked out she did that guy thing of deliberately bumping into me hard like she was going to punch me and she asked me what the fuck was I looking at. Hell I just caught her in bed with another guy and she was pissed at me. I saw her go into a guys apartment and when I confronted her she asked me to PROVE IT! If I had filmed she would have told me it was somebody who looked like her.

q1605 said...

I guess I might be coming to terms with the fact that my mother was insane and so was my first wife. How you can get two such unholy bitches involved in my life to that degree at the same time is crazy in itself.

q1605 said...

ne thing I noticed Joanie is that the whole movie is uploaded to Youtube.

Joan S said...

I have it on DVR from the time TCM had it. I think its a good reminder that they ain't always going to look bad.

mulderfan said...

Maybe because my father has lived well beyond the normal life expectancy of a human being things turned out a little differently.For those of you who haven't yet had encounters with a narc who is older than dirt, here's a few things you can look forward to. Both of my parents became terrified of dying, wouldn't talk about it, make any plans, etc. When they did finally did make plans with a funeral home they wouldn't tell anyone which funeral home or even tell me, their executor. the name of their lawyer or the contents of their will. I only got a copy when I told them to give me ine or find a new executor.

The old man lost all inhibitions and his "filter". We all talk about the way they can turn their "nasty" on and off when the occasion requires a Mr./Mrs. "Nice Guy" facade, and, this part is kinda fun to watch, that's gone. The old man can only hold it together for so long and the narcissistic cat is outta the bag. He really tried hard to keep it together with me because he needed my help but POW!

He not only couldn't keep it together, when he blew the level of abuse had escalated and the accusations were more outrageous than anything he'd ever come up with before. In person, seeing the hate on his face would have terrified me if I hadn't built up immunity to it over the course of my life.

The stupid gaslighting continued but in a less sophisticated manner. He'd just pick up the phone the next day and chat like he'd never tried to rip me a new one the day before. I only kept speaking to him until I could get my mother safely away from him. Funny thing, during all this drama, my mother continued to defend and enable him but for her that all slipped right at the end and she told me she never wanted to see him again.

This is all leading up to a piece of advice: Don't stick around for the end. A lot of you, like Q, have endured a hell of a lot more than I have and probably think it can't get any worse or, as my mother told me when I was stupid enough to go back after 3 years of NC, "he's mellowed".

Run like hell! They don't mellow, they get rancid and can no longer hide the evil inside of them.

q1605 said...

Mulderfan. I really think they don't think that they will ever die. Death will not notice them. Death is for the unwashed masses. I came as close as I ever want to get to death and it made me rethink my whole life. I wanted to be kinder to the people I loved and at least try and do the right thing when I had choices to make. My mother's stroke brought her as close to death as I ever got and it didn't change a thing about her. Like you said it just made her worse. She's literally in a spot where each new breath could be her last and she's telling my wife to tell me to come over and bang women at her house. There's no way to explain around the intent in the comment. It was meant to cause friction between us. No other way to see it.

q1605 said...

Yeah Joan my mother could put on the sweet and innocent act as quick as the weather can change. But I will tell you this. Not as many people buy it as they think. After my mother died no one missed her enough to find out when her funeral was so they could attend it.

mulderfan said...

Back when I used to worry about what other people thought of me I was acquainted with a woman who worked at an upscale retirement home similar to the one my parents lived in. She told me when a family member doesn't show up for birthdays, Xmas, etc. the staff always knows there's a damn good reason. Staff where my father lives were starting to experience his nasty temper and one staffer commented, at least he's not violent. My reply was...good luck with that!

IMO they're afraid of death because deep inside they know exactly what they've done and are terrified there might be an afterlife.

I've often wondered about the decent human being thing too. You'd think they'd be happy their kids turned out that way because it makes them easier to victimize. After all, that's how they got me back down the rabbit hole for one more damn good beating. I went back because my mother needed me to do for her what she never did for me: get her to a safe place.

Maybe they're jealous because decency is something they know they can never have. Making they keep knocking us down in hopes we'll carry on their legacy.

q1605 said...

M-fan I deliberately steered some of our conversations toward her beliefs for after death because I wondered if she had any concerns for her wayward soul. I can't tell you verbatim because I don't quite remember her convoluted words. But it was something the effect of believing in god and life after death at the same time she had her doubts. I had to press her for more and it was something like she was hedging her bets. I quit listening after that. But I don't think god will let you off the hook like that. To me it's an all or nothing proposition. But to her she thinks she will deal her hand from a stacked deck.

Elli G said...

Wait a minute, so your father just took the beatings and didn't fight back? How about you, didn't you ever smack that ex-wife when she had the audacity to claim you hadn't seen what you had just seen?

My mother would throw things to hurt my dad on the head because he caught her cheating and he had proof in his hands. But he warned her that if she didn't stop, he would beat her up. So, many times after children went to bed they'd have a grand smackdown. That's how one night dad left, she threatened to crack his head open with a huge, super heavy crystal vase and she meant it. Next morning he was nowhere to be found.

q1605 said...

The only thing I saw my father do was restrain her so she couldn't punch him. I did slap the shit out of my ex and she filed assault charges and they came to where I worked and arrested me and hauled me into jail. If a woman can lie well enough it never bodes well for the men when/if the police show up. If I could go back I would do it all different. Here's the kind of shit I faced. Me and the ex were having an argument and by our standards rather tame, So in the middle of it she picks up her cell phone and calmly dials out and it was so out of context I just shut down and asked her who she was calling because it was such a low key argument for us it didn't register. So she stands there calmly drumming her manicured nails on the counter and I hear the person pick up on the other end and she started screaming into the phone like I was skinning her alive. It caught me so far off guard I didn't think of a thing but going to my car and driving away. If I could do that over again I never would have left.I think that was the last time I was inside our house because I have/had no idea how to deal with that kind of crazy. In my mind I figured the cops would show up and fire a warning shot into my head. A sociopath woman can really stack the deck in her favor if she is ballsy enough.

Elli G said...

Damn Q, do u sleep at night with all that crap in your head? It's 4.30am over here and I'm still awake. That's the ugliest part, when the night comes it all comes back. I get so mad I could... naah I couldn't function if you paid me to right now.

q1605 said...

I know what you mean. I am recovering from a pretty serious illness and it's given me the ability to just about sleep while I am standing up. But back in the day I would wake up in the night and get furious and have this closed, self reinforcing loop of nothing but anger. Anger at my parents for being so screwed up. Anger for the rest of my family for throwing us to the dogs and be mad at myself for being too stupid to stop them on my own. But you just have to remember they are attracted to us because we are good and kind and it drives THEM wild because they can't generate artificially the better part of us that comes naturally and they can't feel what we feel and they can't look at people having fun and not be thinking of ways to try and con them 24/7. So in that respect we win. But for the time being, all we can do is make peace with the fact that the things that make us normal, our ethics, and at least us trying to be law abiding citizens,and faithful to friends and family are things they consider something that hobbles us. It may give them the competitive edge. But they know they are fucked up and we are not and I think it makes them crazier knowing they are defective than it makes us having to deal with them. Does that make sense? If we were like them we couldn't take joy from a child's laughter, we couldn't sit down and share a meal with friends and family because we would be thinking of nothing but starting a fight with people we supposedly love. In that regard I think we are ahead by a mile.

q1605 said...


Elli this is kind of a convoluted message but if you are familiar with the book/ movie "the giver" it's about a dystopian society that has done away with emotion and if you are born into that time you have no choice but to adhere to their guidelines. This is the end where they are about to put this girl to death but think nothing about because normal death has been eradicated and now it's called release to elsewhere and controlled by the state but it illustrates the dichotomy between robot like thinking which is how I think Sociopaths think and the caring feeling part of the world which is the rest of us.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uYrVQ1BwRT0

Elli G said...

Q,

I have a weird relationship with books and movies. It seems that whenever I read a book or watch a movie I use the goldfish memory department of my brain, and if you ask me some time later if I remember ANYTHING about it you'd always get a big fat no from me. Another thing is that most of the times I watch movies I cry, just by the sound effects in them, so I find myself being able to watch only some thriller movies like "The silence of the lambs" without getting emotional.

With books I usually get on the "finish it within 24 hours" mode, so it ends up not being so pleasurable. All that I could attribute to my upbringing, but there are other things that I miss more than just have the ability to enjoy a good film or a book.

I managed to watch the video but not from the original link, it's blocked in my country. Needless to say, I cried.

Tundra Woman said...

I have absolutely no doubt they were nasty kids who became nasty, sneaky, manipulative lying adults. The APA doesn't condone giving a Cluster B Dx. to anyone under at least 21. Typically kids who exhibit this kind of behavior are given some kind of Conduct Disorder Dx. Call it what ever ya want, but they never "outgrow" this pattern of behavior. If anything, they become more sophisticated in their dealings with others, particularly their Hostages/Family Members. This is exactly WHY the stories EPs tell each other-and anyone else who'll listen-about their Estranged Adult Children are so suspect to me: Everything was "fine, fine, fine" until for example, an evil ex turned their ACs against them, an evil marriage/partner was "responsible" for the breech in their relationship with their ADULT Children, they have "No Idea WHY" etc. Umm, NO. If there had been a history of upheaveals with that AC dating back to childhood/adolescence, if it did not involve MULTIPLE ACs, I'd be far more inclined to believe their narrative.

They perfected their Facade years if not decades previously and this is their enduring behavior. If they truly didn't know what they're doing, as you've experienced (and I think we all have) how is it they can turn it on and turn it off strategically depending on who they wish to impress-generally "the unwashed masses" in public? Remember coming home from that trip when your ex threw your hand down as soon as the others were out of sight? And a million other examples from The B as well?

Yeah, they were nasty kids and remained so no matter how they "aged" chronologically-I call them The Tall Toddlers and they have Toddler-type tantrums/meltdowns usually behind closed doors. As they become older, they become bolder, far less concerned with maintaining their Facade: They DEMAND your complete and endless "respect" (read fear, obligation and guilt) attention, adoration, pampering etc. One of the most typical "examples" of their "Parenting Skills" and justification for their AC's "respect," remaining in the EPs life etc. is the EP's assertion they provided "food, clothing and shelter" for their children as they were growing up.
Let me remind you so do Prisons, Jails and Orphanages.

If the bar for "good enough parenting" is set at the most primal provision of the necessities to sustain human life, that's hardly an outstanding endorsement for one's "parenting." Yet they blithely (and transparently) assert these as bedrock "proof" of their parenting skills and "reason why" they demand/have the "right" to remain in our lives: How DARE we hold them accountable for their actions-whether they were 5min. or five decades (and counting) ago of their abhorrent pattern of behavior towards us?!
TW

mulderfan said...

Q, now you have me wondering why no one, my older brother especially, ever retaliated against my father's physical abuse. My older brother was nearly a foot taller than the old man and just took it.Then in adulthood he was, if anything, worse with his wife/kids and said the old man was right to beat on him because he deserved it.
The younger one, NGC, shared a detailed account of the old man knocking him down in the driveway then damn near running over him with the car and even though he told the exact same version of story several times to more than one family member, in defense of the old man he now says I made it up.
The old man never laid a hand on me as a kid,which was the ONE benefit of being a girl. A few years ago, when he did raise his fists to me, I just pushed past him and left.

When we were kids, we all relied on our Nparents for the necessities of life but as we got older why didn't we deck them and claim self-defense? Although, in the case of your mother and ex the deck was stacked against you.

q1605 said...

Funny I was just thinking about having a shitty parent while I was watching some woman on some show belly aching about her husband. I was just about fully engaged in sympathy for her and I started thinking none of us Acons had a choice there was no beginning for us ( at least not in our perceptions ) And by the time we realized we we were fucked we were dependant on these assholes for our very existence. I know my mother was screwing the police chief of a nearby suburb and she met him through my father but they started fucking after my father allegedly punched my mother and he came to her rescue and she slipped and fell on his dick. I think if someone is a slut they always steer any encounter with a man to the bedroom and consider it pay back to the real husband. I wouldn't have fucked this guy if you had been more attentive brought me flowers......insert some perceived disrespect there. But back to physical confrontations. My personality is such that punching a parent is akin to taking a breath with your head underwater. It just ain't' going to happen.

q1605 said...

Elli I am glad that you worded your comment like you did. I always seem to be able to of all things relate things back to my father. His ending was so wrong and so sad that it's like it over exposed me to feel empathy for people in desperate situations. For the longest time I hated him but now I just feel sorry for him so if I hear a song like the one I have been wanting to post comes on it will always make me think of him and his pitiful existence and ending.

q1605 said...

Yeah TW I have about worn the story of my mother putting gum in kittens whiskers about out. It bears repeating because I heard it from my grandmother and not her. My mother also told me at breakfast in the morning as a kid she would line her boxes of cereal up and block herself from the view of others. Once again it sounds like an innocent and childlike thing to do but the words she choose to describe it were very anti social sounding. There was a me versus the world type description that caught me off guard