Monday, February 22, 2016

My priest.

We already know how loose  a narcissists sexual boundaries are, but trying to tell people that they all but have sex on the kitchen table in front of us just got us more shame and guilt from people outside the home. 

13 comments:

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

My parents actually made fun of me for being a virgin at the age of 22. They actually mocked me and said no boy will have you. I wasnt allowed to date in high school and well was an shy Aspie nerd. But then I got yelled at and told, "Don't you dare get pregnant", and "you whore" if I even smiled at a boy or if I wanted a pretty dress. And later when I found a man, he was at my apartment too late, and I was 25 and my father showed up and you would have thought I was the biggest whore in the universe for having my then FIANCE, now husband be there.

Add in tons of Catholic guilt and where they actually had us read about a saint who was made a saint for letting a rapist stab her 60 times instead of taking her virginity. That was messed up. I thought maybe I misremembered that, but I didn't the old religion class book is in my papers and I saw it a few years ago. So much hypocrisy, well I suspected things about my mother too, but of course she acted PURE as the driven snow to the world.

A lot of the priests are pervs too as 2002 showed us. I think the "normals" always eventually leave.

q1605 said...

It was always a hoot even though it eventually turned my stomach to listen to my mother trash women as sluts and whores after I had watched an endless procession of men in and out of her bedroom all day. If she had charged for sex I might have some explanation for it and not be so repulsed by it. It's a wonder I can have a normal relationship with a woman at all. Lie and hump. Lie and hump Lie and hump Lie and hump
Over and over until you want to throw up. Occasionally some guy would give us enough money to walk to the store and buy candy, but mostly they shoved us to the floor if we got in the way. True story if you have never heard me tell it. About the time I thought the guy was hurting my mother and tried to separate them and her hand came down and she dug her nails into my head and shoved me to the floor. And me remembering that and me telling her I remember that got my first wife the keys to our farm.

q1605 said...

I almost thought about pulling this post but I think people who were not raised by Narcs and don't get why we still piss and moan as adults would benefit by reading this and watching that clip from that movie. We grew up around some twisted bastards and in trying to make sense of their twist we just went out and got even more dysfunction heaped on us. As mulderfan always uses as example in that people come through thinking we didn't get a pony for our 16th birthday. But they put a twist on every single thing most people consider non impeachable. Our sexuality. The shit my mother packed me for lunch. Every thing about our lives. We were dressed in rags while my mother drove a Cadillac. I was embarrassed to eat my lunch of burnt wiener sandwiches in front of kids at school with the kids who had real parents fixing them real food. Not to mention the amount of cash we all pulled together for her trial for luring my fathers boss out and killing him while trying to rob him and them loading his body up and parking him on the road. Not to mention my mother at every one of the about dozen schools we attended before junior high. My mother's enrolling us in school consisted of dropping us off at the curb and driving away. Yeah she couldn't get away with that now but she could then and she did. But to the outside we didn't look like white trash but boil it down and that's exactly what we were. We got nothing normal. And if people want us to rise above it check into the plight of the Romanian orphans. They are about as screwed up as we are. I'm still waiting for Karma to take out my ex but I don't think it's going to happen. I better watch it, if something happens to her I'll be at the top of the list to receive warning shots into the back of my head.

Elli G said...

Many times you say that people believe you are competing with them trying to one-up their parents’ craziness by sharing your stories but what is the use of comparing when it comes to psychopaths? Different style, same shit outcome. You were abandoned, I was superficially engulfed and secretly used as an emotional punching bag for everyone as well as a physical one for my brother. Your mother killed your father’s boss and mine had scheduled my “accidental” miscarriage with a gynecologist who belonged to the same cult as her back in the day. She drove your father to suicide, mine planted suicidal thoughts to both her children that still haunt me every night before I go to bed. She left her second husband die in their bed, mine pilled-up her mother so much in hopes of turning her into a vegetable and keep her pension that she used up all of the old lady’s, hers and my health insurance to get prescription narcotics. Yours fucked openly anything that had a dick, mine was so careful with her whoring around that even the private detective her husband hired was stunned at her cunningness and her ability to mask her real identity. Your father offed himself, mine just disappeared into thin air when my mother threatened to kill him one night, never looking back or giving a flying fuck about his children.

These people are for real, not just a headline or a rarity as most people want to perceive them. And they look normal when they want to. So if by getting the word out even just one person is saved this is still good. Keep speaking up q!

q1605 said...

I think it's a way to minimize the effect that psychopaths have on people. They want their psycho's to be nice and tidy and to fit on a movie screen and play across from Jodie Foster. Or that it is someone else's problem. They want to deny that boorish could possible shift gears and act out towards them. Or they believe and this punches a hole in their bubble of denial. In my family believing my mothers BS let them pass the buck on to the next generation. She was involved in a murder but the guy was raping her. I caught her with my best friend but the floor was freshly mopped and she slipped and fell on his penis. Pleas god get me through this life without dealing with her head on and maybe the kids will know what to do to control her. I posted something my sister wrote about how once she was arrested she was relieved. She said I am off the clock and someone trained to deal with her can deal with her. She dragged us down into the shit pile with her. Her mode of thinking was I may be a monster but I am standing on you.

Joan S said...

With mother, the men had very low standards. She could be disgusting puking and men were still swarming around her like snakes in a mating ball. Top that off with "men are just pigs" my mother used to say in other times, I had a very warped idea of sex. When I grew up the ideals that women were supposed to love sex, be sex kittens, nymphomaniacs were what society expected of us. I thought I was broken, for I couldn't be like that.

My ex used to come at me at the most inopportune times, when I was busy doing something that I wanted to do for me, and he seemed to enjoy this all the more! So I really felt so broken. But if men were just pigs then how come I had to give in? Why was it expected of me? I lived at a time of free sex that is why. I am expected to be like that. Honor and love sex above all, but I felt so broken.

When I grew up, sex was all over the house. But I never could figure out how she never named herself the slut she claimed of other women. Confusing.

q1605 said...

Joan I think we are approximately the same age and the guys coming of age back then were so sexually repressed that finding a woman that would put out was like striking gold.
Elli I so love a metaphor and I thought of one about people that hesitate to call crazy crazy. It's like being on the sinking titanic. You've got your life jacket so you'll be OK. As long as you hold on to that life jacket your mind still tells you that you'll be OK. But what happens is that the boat sinks and you freeze to death in the murky water. But for that moment of time you can worry about what comes next later.

q1605 said...

And Elli truth be known I am probably a little bit paranoid. Paranoid and frustrated. I can only imagine what my mothers crew was told by her and what they in turn told themselves to be able to take the remainder of our money and stuff it in their wallets. I was in AA for a while and a speaker who said he lived in a park under a sheet of plywood would make fun of a guy in a refrigerator box as someone who was beneath him so he could look down his nose at him and feel superior. And when I tell my story and you hear people making excuses I tend to get heavy handed with it. Or they analyze it to death to mitigate the behavior. But like you said they are out there and they will show you no mercy if you have something they want. Call It what you want. There is a blog I visit that spends more time dissecting the nuance between NPD,BPD and all the other stuff in the alphabet soup. She never comes out and says the word crazy, Which is what I think they are. If the prison system won't lock'em up I say fill up the insane asylums. Just get them the hell away from me. Who cares about the stigma of being labeled crazy. They like to be crazy, so I say let them be called what they are. OK I am starting to ramble. But you get my drift.

q1605 said...

Elli ....THIS!

These people are for real, not just a headline or a rarity as most people want to perceive them. And they look normal when they want to. So if by getting the word out even just one person is saved this is still good. Keep speaking up q!

Joan S said...

I see what you are saying. Getting my mother to put out was an easy task. She would even make herself more available by being sex crazed. This was not hard for the men to get. So they took it even if she was very gross.


Joan S said...

I one time tried to break down and read the differences between the personality disorders and I tell you it is a royal pain in the butt. Just stay away from them.

Joan S said...

Yeah, they don't fit into nice little categories. How could they? They don't make sense.

q1605 said...

That's why they coined the term cluster-B. I bought a book about Borderlines and as I read it I kept thinking of my mother. Calling a personality disordered a cluster B gets their ire up so it must be valid. Like WC Fields said "it's not what they call you it's what you answer to".