RumblestripQ: Back stage pass to the sociopath Side show Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
One thing about narcs is they will get you to talk while they essentially say nothing and they do go digging for things to use. I used to make that mistake of being honest and "opening up" so they would. Opening up to a narc is a waste of time, it's a locked box waiting to screw you over. I grey rocked it while VLC, and made it an informal rule to never show any emotion with two of my main narcs. It protected me from more garbage but VLC is even a mistake because the poison comes in. I now tell people a lot less IRL. I have gotten more "private" in my old age. Too many damn narcs out there.
I can't count the times I sort of "came to" and realize I was pouring my guts out to my mother and then think I always regret it when I do. The Christmas of 2008 I was supposed to go see my mother and sat around ALL day avoiding it until it was too late. That should have told me something. That I would stand my mother up on Christmas day but that's exactly what I did. I farted around and around until it was dark and I called her and told her I wasn't coming. That being my guy reaction on Christmas day should have told me that there is something wrong with her. But like we always do I didn't think of it in terms of her being the problem. I though it was me that was being a bastard.
When I opened up to one of my narc's minions, he accused me of sharing my "secrets". What secrets? I am the brutally honest survivor of a dysfunctional NFOO! So, just whose secrets did I share?
If it portrays them in a negative light it should be kept a secret at all times. I didn't say a word to my mother that wasn't absolutely true. Look at where THAT got me.
Same here, my narc smokes a joint, gets all mellow, then charms the hell outta his trolls and monkeys while HE hides HIS secrets by lying like a rug!
My mother went to great lengths to have all these little jean jackets and new tidy garb to wear and people thought that was indicative of some kind of lady like behavior Which she was demure unless she was left alone with the woman's husband. Then she humped him like a piece of furniture.
Wow, I can see all the mistakes I made telling my mother the truth, for it was always used against me, and I remember as a small child being confused about this. In school teachers teach you one thing, and at home it screwed me over. I couldn't relate to what I was being taught by my teachers, and even there I felt totally wrong. I like the morality I was taught at school, not by my peers but by the teachers. Just at home I couldn't use them.It was a very confusing time. What resulted from all that was that I used to tell the truth, and see it used against me, but believe this was the way it was. This made me such a target in life, expecting the best from the other person but always getting the worst, but accepting it anyway.And that was never taught in school, what to expect from the other person, so I just accepted the crap. So when I took the relationship course and she helped me see more. We are not to blame someone, but to go in and feel what the other person needs to see from us, and this makes us in tune to what he is saying, what he is doing, and what his intentions are. I knew I was never going to get another punch in the face again.
This morning I woke up half horrified of my ex wife reading this blog. Not because I am afraid of her but I wouldn't want to deal with that mouth ever again. That's the main reason I tip toed around my mother. If you get that mouth going it never stops. She ripped me off coming and going yet it is I that worries about her. It reminds me of a joke I heard. A husband comes home to watch a football game and he sits down and asks his wife to bring him a beer before it starts and she gets him a beer and he drinks it. So he asks her to bring him another before it starts. So she goes to the ice box and brings him another beer and when he drinks that one he asks for another one. So she starts saying to him that he shouldn't drink so much all the time and she is not his waiter and how if he got up and got his own beer maybe he wouldn't drink so much so he grimaces and says "it started".
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