Wednesday, February 3, 2016

You'll still be angry when the Narcissist dies.

 God it's like Ollie made this video for me. 

Since my mother died, I still try to figure out if there was some way to have made her done the right thing  and treated us better. She had 80 years to make it right, but after I went NC she never picked up a phone. Not to call me. She called a lot of my the friends she had numbers for that she took off her caller I.D. ........but not me. It's like my sister says. Making her do the right thing would be to move all the sand on all the beaches in the world with nothing but a toy shovel. After all that my mother did to destroy us as a family, and the multitude of promises from our grandmother that we would get the proceeds from our farm. She dies and leaves us $100 each. Checks that remain uncashed to this day. Cashing her checks would be tantamount to a whore taking crumbs from her pimp after the republican convention left town.  And the rest she left to my cheating first wife. You just can't win with them. There are just varying degrees of loss.  

30 comments:

Judith said...

At this point, I'm glad I can say that there are days that go by and I don't even think about my mother. Heck, I'm not even sure anyone would tell me if she died. And that's fine by me, although knowing she's not around to continue to be evil wouldn't be terrible. I do still have nightmares about her.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

I am sure I will be screwed or they will attempt to screw me.

The GC will probably get it all if anything is left surely you read how I posted about how the GC bragged of being the executor around 7 years ago and then refused to show me a copy and two relatives told me I had been disinherited and my mother had been keeping it a secret.[By the way my brother was included in that, and I warned him but he did not believe me]

I'm doing a slow-fade out from the rest of the family, Facebook contact with the cousins and rest. The relationships are so unfulfilling for me as they keep secrets for the narcs, I going to treat them like old high school chums for the extended cousins.

I'm still angry, the bible does provide for righteous anger which the unicorn types deny, supposedly we are all supposed to do our own self imposed lobotomies.. I realized I am stage IV Lipedema from having an evil and neglectful mother. I paid in spades for having that monster for a mother. I have gotten the lectures too to forgive out the nose. I am trying to find a good life of my own if society doesn't work so hard to help crush me too, maybe I will manage it. At least I had a life of my own during my VLC years though I was still in the fog.

The fact she chose a cheating ex wife, speaks of her total evil in your case.

Oh I'll be angry until the day I die, when reminded of her, with time she will fade from my mind and already has begun to do so. Sometimes I miss the compartmentalization of my adult fog era, I only thought of her when forced to deal with her for very short periods of time but I had to deal with it and even the short durations of poison shots were enough to almost kill me.


q1605 said...

It's a little weird finding out later. That's the strange part. I went back and read all the posts I wrote after she died but before I knew it. In a weird way it's better knowing I got to her so bad that she sided with the biggest con bitch and thief that every rubbed elbows with our family. And it amuses me that my mother planned for her death to be the event of the season and my ex pretty well rolled her into a shallow grave. I am sure they have everything spelled out by law. You want them deep enough that you can turn your back on it and not worry about her flying out like beetle-juice and chasing after you.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=WRDJN23YZmw
But all in all she will be forgotten. She never had a kind word thought or deed in her life. I will soon forget her. Maybe not as quickly as my ex-wife did. She WAS my mother and I had a lot of memories even if they are more like nightmares. Her siding with my ex over her family really does put her reckless disregard in perspective. I don't feel bad about going NC with extreme prejudice. She wanted it, she worked for it, so I feel like I owe her the hate she worked so hard to cultivate.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

That's the thing they side with the other evil people but don't get that those are the people who will be the most likely to dump them into the worse nursing home in the land or a shallow grave like your mother. One extraordinary creepy thing about these monsters is they think they will stay powerful and in good health forever. Aging doesn't occur to them. I'm almost 50 and thinking of aging care issues, due to my other health problems and to her, it's like she was going to stay young forever. She doesn't get that the cold Mini-Me doesn't love either. LOL about Beetle juice, let me just say there are spiritual aspects of my NC I have gotten only into the surface of. Some of them do literally sell their souls. Spiritually one of the last days I was around her, I felt like I was around a Beetle Juice but not one bothering with the smiles and goofy antics.

Yours deserves no less, then NC, in fact because she is so evil, unless you got away you would have been corrupted by her. I felt the same way with mine.

With my forgetting about her, hopefully I will get to a point where thoughts of her will only flit in on very rare occasion. I pray the poverty stuff ends because everytime I fear the street, her face appears in front of me jeering me. Facing what I lost because of this person so wonder I grieved at least two years. Something very few outside of other ACONs even "got".

q1605 said...

I saw your other comments on prophets prey post and wanted to say some things before I forget. Make no mistake about one thing. Yes there was a law on the books that pretty well in the state of Texas said One murder one conviction but it really depended as much as the capability of your lawyer to take your case and hammer where it needed to be hammered making it happen. They routinely sent people to prison that were .......like driving the get away car in a robbery or was merely on or close to the scene when someone else got killed. It was between your lawyer and the jury. Courts are so weird everywhere and not just in Texas. Henry Wade of Roe v Wade had offered Jack Ruby probation for gunning down Oswald and they took it to trial and I believe he ended up with a death sentence when they didn't take the deal.
The point I am meandering to is that make no mistake if we had not all pulled together for my mother and emptied bank accounts and hocked what ever we need to hock she would have gone to prison. The only thing left untouched by her financial juggernaut of her trial was that farm. I doubt if my grandmother would have let her go to prison over it but she was pretty dug in about not selling and/or not borrowing money on it. So we all pulled it in from everywhere else. And this is how she repaid the financial and emotional and spiritual sacrifices we ALL made. And that was to blow it out like it was nothing. It took us years to over come that and as soon as we were genuinely digging out from under it she set my father firmly with his sights on suicide. She was a sinkhole that we could never fill. So her foofing it all out into the void that is my ex-wife was how she thanked us for joining together and literally bailing her ass out of prison. The sun don't shine on the same dogs ass everyday and I hope I am there when the chickens come home to roost for my ex. I guess I mas mixing metaphors there but it really pisses me off.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

That makes it far worse, that your father emptied out the bank accounts to "rescue" her, yes that gives me an even greater perspective on your situation, so yes all those sacrifices and for what? Only to get skewered in the back and for her to do what she did to your father. Agree she was sinkhole. I see my mother as a sinkhole too but in a different way. I wish you never had encountered your ex you deserved so much better. I know facing how our lives were affected by these monsters is very hard.

q1605 said...

They really went all out to pay for her lawyer. Bank accounts coin collections... gone. We lived on the farm and we actually picked the cotton that the combine left behind. While my mother sat on her ass putting on her make up. That's my fathers fault, he made us do that. My long suffering sister had worked a part time job and bought a used car and they (mother and father)took it and traded it in on a Cadillac telling her (my mother)she needed a dependable car to get back and forth to her trial. This was actually a replacement for the Cadillac. My mother was late from work one day and to keep her ass out of a crack with my father she ran it into a ditch and totaled it. It's the same old story. We can't prove it. But that's what happened. You see the same story arc over and over. she walked to a house with a phone and called my father who would flip out and she would ball up with these crocodile tears and he would end up f***ing her with the whole house listening and we would change seats on the run away train. Ya know I don't know which is more disgusting her creating these dramas or her putting out and watching my father fall for it over and over and over. I used to say if I could prove what my childhood was like I could murder someone and I wouldn't get away with it but it would mitigate my sentence to life and not go to the chair. One time my mother actually said something about how I lost my father and that it was a shitty deal for me and when she spoke the words it was so out of character for her she looked like she had washed her dress with fiberglass dust because of the way she squirmed. I may have to go take a shower just thinking about that nasty bitch. That's the burn about my ex. We paid a lot of dues to just come out of that alive and she sucks up to my mother and rounds third and scores. I am waiting for Karma. It always seems to bite my ass it's time for someone else. I must have been Hitler in my past life because I don't get any show now.

q1605 said...

If my ex wife ever read this she would have an orgasm knowing that we hate her and my mother. They are cut from the same clothe.

q1605 said...

And if I had done to her what my ex did to us she would have hired a hit man to put one in the back of my head. But it's OK for her to do it. And therein is where they cross the line.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

Wow basically your father financially vaniquished your childhood life to keep her out of jail. He had to know she was cheating too. I think your father was responsible for a lot too, though his life ended so badly, the enabler role has its own evil and moral cowardice to it. Taking your sisters car to get your mother a Cadillac was sick. Did your sister protest at the time or was she still a teenager? OMG she then totaled the car. Sheesh.

She probably was trying to manipulate you with the "kinder" words about your father and it sickened her to even speak them.

I don't believe in karma. If karma is real, I must have been worse then Hitler in my last life in my case. I know I'm too intense for most people. Most people want to live in bubble and not look out.

mulderfan said...

I thought narcs lived forever. Pickled in their own hate juice.

q1605 said...

Yeah peep that's about the size of it. My sister said something but by this time we just let them steamroll us. We were getting used to it. To say something was to be disloyal. My sister said enough that my father moved to Dallas and left her at my grandmothers. Well me too but I was too stupid to know I was getting ditched.
Yes M-fan pickled like a Quails egg

Joan S said...

My mother just died, it was weird. I was going to post about it, and explore those feelings, then you put up this posting, that is so uncanny. It does not remove my anger over the situation, and the obituary says, loving mother, and that part has me steamed. I can't think of anything about her that was loving, unless you used your imagination.

Bess said...

I'm still having nightmares about the father, and he's been dead for four years. Man, the scars...

q1605 said...

Bess I don't want to make this sound worse than what it was. But less than a week ago. I had the strangest dream about my father. I somehow was telepathically speaking to the powers that be......basically lobbying for them to grant my father a second chance and him be able to start at square one and be like he was before his suicide. It was fairly intense but not as macabre as it may sound. So I beseeched the committee upstairs trying to pull a couple of metaphorical strings for him to get a chance to undo what he did. And he stood right in front of me and took off running out the door and did it all over again. It was as abrupt and unexpected as it was from way back. I was left standing there muttering under my breath about Holy shit. Didn't even thank me or acknowledge that me humbling my self in his stead meant one single thing to him.

q1605 said...

That we dream about these cock suckers at all is way more than they deserve.

q1605 said...

Joan.... did your mother JUST die like in the past couple of weeks. I noticed your absence and was going to ask you on your blog. With mine I don't know if it was the cloak and dagger way she handled it or if it lets me fall back and try to make sense of the senseless. But for me it just opened up a new can of worms. It's hard to catalogue damage that is ongoing. But once they are dead for most of us it's safe to be able to draw a line under it.

mulderfan said...

I thought I was OK when my mum died a few months ago because her end was so miserable, I wouldn't wish it on my worst enemy. As with any loss, it sneaks up and hits you at random times and in random ways.

Watch the video I just posted over at my blog. It's a real eye opener about how stress can mess with your brain.

For narcs that video would be kinda like watching the Super Bowl!

q1605 said...

Mulderfan I screwed up somewhere and you aren't showing up on my bloglist I might have to get Miss R to fix it cuz it's got me stumped.

q1605 said...

Don't ask me what happened M fan but you suddenly reappeared on my side bar.

Joan S said...

She died just a couple of days ago. Sorry about not posting in so long, just been lazy is all. Lots of stuff I know I should be posting, just being lazy.

mulderfan said...

I noticed it was gone and figured Miss R got jealous and was trying to break us up.

q1605 said...

I figured it out finally. My attention span is unpredictable these days

Bess said...

Sounds intense. The story of such a complicated relationship squeezed into a short period of time. Don't know if I can say this right...brutal when our minds know on such a deep level that no matter what we would give to change things, usually those are the things we don't even get the momentary joy of dreaming.

q1605 said...

I guess it's my middle age brain convincing my child that it's just wishful thinking and I couldn't do any more to change it now than I could have then. Or it could have been the onions in the meatloaf we ate.

q1605 said...

I don't know why they have to be cloak and dagger about it. Handing your stuff to someone else isn't good enough for them. They have to be all hush hush about it. I hope my mother was looking down from on high and watched as her rent a daughter rolled her into the grave after a funeral attended by no one with nary a tear in a single eye, just get this carcass in a grave before it starts to smell.

mulderfan said...

A lot of my mum's personal stuff was earmarked for me in her will. Not holding my breath on that but almost literally, on her death bed, she made sure I got the one thing I'd been promised ever since I was a little kid. Guessing the old man and NGC don't even know what that is because it had no monetary value. If they do figure it out, I'll be accused of stealing it!

q1605 said...

That's what I find odd about narcs and their enablers. It goes beyond the monetary value of the things they covet. They just like to play keep away. Which to me adds insult to injury. I know there was a week end that my ex was missing in action and her brother in law had told me when I had asked her sister (his wife) about it she had no clue what I was talking about. My ex was so secretive that she didn't even share it with the sister she was using to cover her. So when I asked her where she had spent that week end and I told her I knew she wasn't with her sister she started taunting me like a kid in a school yard saying "You never know" over and over and all sing song like a kid taunting another kid. So I dropped her off at her sisters in Santa Barbara where we were spending that week end hanging out and as she walked in to the house I fell behind and had already packed my suitcase and put it in the trunk and got in the car and drove to the airport and left her there. Ha fucking HA. BITCH! My mother was well aware of the nature of my ex and embraced my ex until she rolled her carcass into the grave. And a double ha ha to you you fucking cadaverous moldy corpse of a bitch.

mulderfan said...

I never wanted any of their money or anything with monetary value, just a little love.

One of the last days I spent helping my parents, as I was leaving, the old man spewed about how he was sick and tired of giving stuff to people who gave him nothing in return. I pointed out that I had just given him the most valuable thing I had to give...a whole day of my time. He looked at me like I'd grown another head and a few days later phoned and called me a fucking moron. In retrospect, he was right.

q1605 said...

They know the price of everything but the cost of nothing. One time I had a couple of rocking chairs I spent a couple of hundred hours building to get it right. It was out of red oak and I hand rubbed linseed oil into them and had picked distinctive wood to make the arm rests out of. I offered my mother either one she wanted and she did the second head thing and said why would I want a rocking chair? So I ended up giving one to my father in law and I think if they could have fit it in his casket he would have been buried with it. He took to like like I don't know what. He was rocking in it every time we visited him after that. The other one is with us and Ruth's grandson has been rocked to sleep in it countless times. In that regard I am glad she didn't take one. If she knew somebody else wanted it she would have taken it and my ex would have it now.