RumblestripQ: Back stage pass to the sociopath Side show Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
Don't make the mistake like I did that someone else is in there, and just unable to show themselves. I think the myths about the surly mean people who have "hearts of gold" is a myth. Sure some may be shy or aspies or traumatized and really have someone nice in there but some don't! I was stuck on this quest to find my mother's heart of gold, that remain hidden and I found a black lump of iced over coal.
I keep seeing it and its like a picture hologram card, they flip back to hide themselves. Then I keep wondering if I saw it or not. Its weird, I'd always see this blank look on my mothers face and in her eyes, and one time she was sitting in a chair and she didn't know I was looking at her, and I saw this blankness, it was almost like she wasn't even there. I wonder what narcs do when they are all alone, do they just shut off? And I imagine when they have all the resources in the world, to enjoy anything they want to, and they don't enjoy it, they want to use it to stick it to people. I know for a fact that they will never enjoy their life or be happy with anything other than hurting others. All my friends I had in the past were like this.
Creepy and a little too close to home. Only a fellow sufferer gets it.
Yeah M-fan. I almost wish I had not posted it. With my ex and my mother they kept the charade up as long as they could but I think it's as hard for them to appear normal as it is for one of us to start lying and stealing and cheating. I can specifically remember both times when I saw them for what they were and they saw me see them and they knew that I had seen behind the mask and after that point neither of them tried to hide it anymore. I was divorcing in a couple of weeks later, she filed on me because she knew I knew and my mother badgered me until I left and never looked back and since their favorite target (me) was gone they had each other and joined forces to dog me until one of them died. I really wish I could have heard their conversations. I bet the picture they painted of me would be unrecognizable to an outsider. Oh well the chips fell where they fell and I will live just as long without them........probably longer without all that stress.
Joan, the give-away is that little smirk when they can see they've hurt you.
I don't trust any of my old friends anymore. I was talking to the ONLY old friend that my mother didn't get to and that I trust anymore. I told her that there are enough people my mother got to to make them all suspect. And I used spoiled Tuna Salad to illustrate my point. If you have two batches of Tuna Salad with one just made and one that has been sitting in the sun all day and smells bad and you add them together it's impossible to separate what is good and what will make you sick so you have to throw it all away because the bad batch has contaminated the good batch and all of it will make you get sick.
Realizing the depths of evil of someone is scary scary business. There's so many I tried to see the goodness in but feel like I was fooling myself, hey they were only looking for bad in me. Funny how that works. One thing I know I need to do is face the evil I see instead of shoving it under the carpet. Like the catfishers constant lies, and I wanted to believe we were friends, or another spiritual abuser who blurted out one day in a moment of honesty, "we aren't really friends" or the one who told me, "your weight embarrasses me to be your friend". I make too many excuses for evil in others and then get screwed but then a little crumbs of niceness they were "nice" compared to "Mommy" which is one reasons ACONs can get set up.So Joan, like you, I had too many moments, thinking, "Oh I didn't really see that" or It's not really happening" and the catfisher would even say these really passive aggressive things to me, and I would make excuses for her, "Oh she's sick, and bedbound", she's upset you can still walk and do somethings but really all it did was set ME up.I wonder if narcs shut off too when alone. Mine never seemed to be alone and always in someones face. They probably have to plot and plan what to do, to keep track of all the lies.When you see behind their mask, that actually can be a dangerous time. I think that is when narcs become the most dangerous. I know I have to protect myself, my narcs were even trying to "hoover". Ask yourself if my mother has seen my blog, why would she want me at the aunt's memorial service. Probably for the biggest revenge on earth. I quipped to my husband, if we went we would only be able to eat food none of them had access too, and then thought, was that a "paranoid thought"? The book the Gift of Fear, I know I keep mentioning it would say run like the wind. Q your narcs had their masks fully removed so they didn't care what they did to you. There's was no more social nicieties and appearances to care about.If someone knows my mother, I do not trust them. Full stop. They have all proven themselves to untrustable. I'm even hiding from "family friends" now. The tuna salad thing definitely applies. These people corrupt others. Thank God from the age of 21 on, I always lived in a different town from the broad. looked back and since their favorite target (me) was gone they had each other and joined forces to dog me until one of them died. I really wish I could have heard their conversations. I bet the picture they painted of me would be unrecognizable to an outsider. Oh well the chips fell where they fell and I will live just as long without them........probably longer without all that stress.
When I moved in with my mother after her stroke I would have punched anybody that talked trash about her. By the time I moved out I had to make a concerted effort not to put a pillow over her head and suffocate her.
Peep it doesn't help when you begin to see them for what they are and they are calling you crazy. My mother called me drunk high and crazy. It worked for my ex but she burnt that circuit out. Like I saw you go in that guys apartment .......wasn't me!Damn I guess it wasn't you. But I wasn't falling for that shit from my mother. I had my sister to back me up on that shit.https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=u_f6qFBQD9U it wasn't me.....
That's a really good analogy.
It's that one bad apple bit. The stakes are too high to take a bite and get the green apple quick step so you just have to trash it all.
Post a Comment