Thursday, March 3, 2016

Becoming Bullet proof




I saw the most amazing documentary called "Becoming Bulletproof". It's about a movie production company http://zenomountainfarm.com/ that produces one movie each year and the only people in front of the camera is the last type of person you would expect to find working there. They all have some form of mental or physical retardation. As the film progressed I started seeing the actors personalities unfold and found them to be real, and genuine, and defying every stereotype they get saddled with. I probably wouldn't be here gushing over them if not for one quote at the end. They are taking a guy back to the airport until next year, and he talks of a universal component of his humanity and what drives them to seek what most would call unobtainable goals. His words were so simply and so poignant that I had to turn people on to this. This guy says we  just want to contribute something and be treated with dignity and respect. That hit my Acon button as hard as it's been hit in a while. Here was this mentally challenged guy, that off the cuff summed up our whole wish list to change if we could change the way we grew up. Which was as the whipping child for our families. I am pretty sure it's not money we longed for as much as we wanted a modicum of dignity and respect and to be acknowledged for our humanity. That and to quit head fucking us at every turn.
These guys are the antithesis of Narcs and it looks like they are pathological in their inability to lie. They are kind and gentle and ready to over look the kind of quirks that narcissists single out and hone in on like a lazer beam.  Most of them have more acting range than all the Kardashians lumped together.



If I had my druthers I would rather be on a lengthy vacation with these guys than  be forced to spend one day with a narcissist. 

17 comments:

Joan S said...

I'll have to watch that when I get the chance. Yes, I think this will relieve my nerves if I could go on vacation with these guys too. I think I would never be a wreck again. And everyone deserves the right to contribute.

q1605 said...

It's really a sweet movie. And you get to see their differing personalities and how they view the world without the lust for things and the petty nature of more intelligent minds.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

Wow thanks for sharing this, I want to see more of their movies. I'd rather spend a vacation with them too with no narcs. Yes our nerves would all be in far better shape. Wow that guy definitely summed things up, we all want dignity and respect and to have a place in the world that matters. Something that narcs deny people.

q1605 said...

They have no hidden agenda's.

Bess said...

Wholeheartedly agree

q1605 said...

The world need more love and these guys are brimming with it.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

Agree, no hidden agendas, what you see is what you get and lots of love.

Birdgirl said...

The last couple of days I have been reading many blogs like yours. At 47, I have realized I am not alone. In recent years, I have called my mother a narcissist but I have never known of anyone else who had one. It's all such a cluster, I don't even know where to start. I have had a blessed life inspire if my mother. I have always thought she was horrible. When I was 9, I told her I wish she was dead so I could come and piss on her grave. My Dad gave me a spanking when he got home from work. But the twisted crap continued for decades. Even today, she sucks off me. I got married a few years ago and we moved my Mom from out of town to live in our house and we bought a nicer house about a mile away that we moved to. She didn't deserve it but my husband has a good heart and believes in caring for family. It didn't take him long to be repelled from her. The reason I did it was A) she feeds off my younger brother. If she were to move closer to him she would ruin his marriage and life. I always thought he was just a "mama's boy" but now I guess he's more of a flying monkey. The difference is he has always been very kind, loving and supportive of me. He has a kind heart and is a good father and husband. He is a simple, modest and peaceful man. And I love him and cherish his friendship even if he is tolerant all of my mother's bad behaviors. B) I adored and cherished my grandmother. Even though my Mother lied and more minipulated her for years she was always such a gem. She never judged anyone and even distant relatives told me they always knew she loved them. Everyone loved her but through the years my Mother unloaded on her continuously and caused her so much worry. I remember taking off work for a week in my 20s to fly across the country to help her after she had a stroke. She was in horrible shape but she fought hard and live another +25 years. She wore the wheels off her walker walking her neighborhood and gardening. She was a peaceful, kind person. She told me once all she remembers from having the stroke was that Mom had walked down to see her. She was sitting in her chair watching the news and Mom was bitching to her about her typical life drama. Grandma told her to go outside to smoke because she didn't want the stinch in her house. She said Mom lit up the cigarette right there in the living room and the last thing Grandma remembered was inhaling the cigarette smoke and she went numb. I was so pissed. Typical walk all over everyone crap that my Mom does. Now I am thinking this is characteristic.

My Mom had no heat and had gotten behind in her bills. As my grandma got weaker and sicker, I promised her II would take care of Mom. So I have and I will. It's a thankless burden. Having her near has created such a black cloud over my life these past years. I keep her at a distance and just speak to her on the phone a couple times a week. I truly can't wait till she's gone. I don't want to piss on her grave anymore. I just want her to vanish. There's hurt and all the over achieving I have been able to muster still leaves me feeling sad, unworthy and uncared for inside. I guess there's some solice in not being alone.

q1605 said...

Birdgirl. Finding out you are not alone is a good start but it's not the answer. My relief at finding there were others like me and my mother gave me about a 24 hour respite. It just wasn't enough to find out they are crazy and despicable and you/I am/are not. I immediately started on a quest of trying to find out why they did things that were so obviously wrong and why no one even tried to stop them. What we CAN do for you is post enough of the insanity they inflicted on us and maybe that you find a situation you can relate to and comment about and vent your sense of injustice to people that care about your plight and can at least commiserate with you and help you sort through the loose ends these people inflict on others. But some days it's like trying to jam a square peg in a round hole over and over and over. If you depend on someone who hasn't lived it you'll get no where fast. I think normal people don't like to be told that there are people like the narcs are out there. They like things tidy and in neat bundles. Personality disordered people are the antithesis of tidy when it comes to personal relationships with family members.

q1605 said...

Birdgirl....I just wrote an email privately this very morning about how if the narcs had spent the time and effort to do the right thing instead of keeping things in an uproar we would have all been so much better off. The thing that gets me about narcs is they are so invested in causing mayhem they sabotage them selves too. I just don't know where to go with that. My mother.... all her life and time after time metaphorically climbed out as far as she could get on a limb and proceeded to saw it out from under her just so she could fall on someone below and give them a headache. I rely heavily on metaphor so be ready for me to take the scenic route as I make my point. Also I am punctuation impaired so watch out.

q1605 said...

Birdgirl I also have a habit of commenting and going back and reading more and I can keep this up all day.
Let me get this out of the way. Marlon Brando had a notoriously cruel father and here is an interview with Brando two days after he won his Oscar for "On The Waterfront."
Bump up to 5 minutes in and look at the look on his face as his father describes their life together.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=oqcOMWMSoA8
They used this clip in a documentary and he says that him and his father had a pantomime going. He played the part of a loving son and his father played the part of an adoring father. He then go's on about the hypocrisy involved in the deception they had going.

Birdgirl said...

Just watched the video. I didn't know that about Marlon Brando. I'm not sure what to say. Wow! This guy's at the top of his field and the only thing his Dad can come up with is his short comings as a kid. Classic. I was going through some old papers a couple of years ago in a big scrapbook my mom put stuff in...baby photos all the way to high school stuff. There was a copy of a recommendation letter that a high school counselor had written for me for college admission. I noticed there was handwriting on the back and flipped it over and the back was covered in a note my Mom had written on it about how my father had said the content of the letter was superficial and generic. She went through point by point discrediting each nice thing the man had to say about me. Who the hell was she writing to? And why the hell would she put that in a scrapbook and then give it to me? The upside to finding it 20+ years after the fact was reinforcing that my memory wasn't flawed. And while I wasn't the easiest teen my Mom was a nightmare...not a bad dream, a bonifide nightmare who aimed to beat me down at every turn....she still does. I have amazingly tough skin as a result. People's insults don't tend to phase me. I once took a lead role at an ad agency after the third executive quit because they couldn't deal with this sharp tongued abusive client. I actually took the client on, grew the account and befriended the woman. She's still my friend today. When I traveled back to visit my brother last year, I attended her daughter's graduation party. So for all the efforts my Mom made to cut me down, she ended up teaching me how to tame a bitch. Not that that makes any of it okay, but success in the face of her holding back gave me a little glory.

q1605 said...

It's perfect slice of personality disordered thinking. 48 hours before that interview he had become the youngest actor to win an Oscar and his dad is hung up on how as an actor he's not too proud. And yada yada yada. I don't know if the look on Brandos face is bewilderment or disgust or both. I guess he was just trying to figure out what his fathers point was. Later Brando talks about making more in a week than his father would make in a decade and I think his father didn't think of it as an honest living. In the documentary you can tell Brando was not comfortable with his profession. The documentary I saw had a bunch of his "private" thoughts he recorded I think just for himself and at the end he talks about how actors do make contributions to society because they give people a way to get away and escape their daily grind but it's hard to tell if he ever really felt comfortable with it.

q1605 said...

Birdgirl I don't know how well you have read me illustrating my life on my blog but I have a sister a few years older than me and we are close or were close all our lives. But even now I can write her and ask her about certain events in our lives and she is able to back me up that I am remembering things correctly. In the sixties my mother was involved in a pretty grisly murder and by the end of her life my mother was denying even that and I have stacks of newspaper clippings about it. And she made the True Detective magazine and on that issue they put a red sticky thing that read Texas Housewife goes on crime spree. She had given me explicit instructions to destroy it on the event of her death. And a month later was telling me I dreamed the whole thing up while I was high. I've done my share of partying but nothing I ever took would have installed memories like that.

q1605 said...

I like that. Who the hell was she writing too? Who knows. I would leave that one alone. My mother was very promiscuous and would have conversations in the mirror with affair partners that were not in the room with her. Just chalk it up to a figment of her imagination. They have one foot in the house and the other foot in an insane asylum. It takes a lot of unfounded hate to write that kind of shit. I don't know what we ever did to these people. If they were going to hate us for living they should have practiced better birth control.

q1605 said...

Superficial and generic? The guy probably had a couple of hundred letters to write and I guess he was supposed to make each one the great american novel. And if yours was the only one he wrote you did something good to stand out. So anyway you slice it she's crazy.

q1605 said...

Your facing down the shrew makes me think of another Brando comment that I think I relate to. He's talking about the slagging he took from critics and movie heads after he did mutiny on the bounty. He said "I was very convincing in my pose of indifference -- but I'm very sensitive, and it hurt, a lot." - Marlon Brando about the hit to his reputation after filming "Mutiny on the Bounty"
That's me in a nutshell I get hurt easily but I hide it well.