Saturday, March 19, 2016

How to Deal With A Cheating Personality Disordered Spouse!


Think of all the heart ache my father could have saved everyone had he done this one simple act.

25 comments:

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

It's too bad he couldn't do it. Here's one thing the men become in THRALL to these wicked women and they basically own their minds. That character had boundaries, the other men give them up. Narcs teach people to let down their guard and keep it down.

Joan S said...

I think you would have been far better off. But my father left and left us all with mother, and that was far worse. It would have been better for him to have thrown her out like in the movie.

q1605 said...

Yeah Joan but my father DID leave us. Just not in the traditional way. I used to pray to god they would divorce and quit dragging me through this shit every year. My mother seemed to follow some calendar in her head and I guess bang around with some guy during the summer and for like three years in a row left him sometime in the first month of the school year. It got so she would leave and I would think to myself it's September already. If you had to set calender's like a watch you could always know what time of year it was. My father "Left" us and she immediately moved to another town to look for another husband. He snuffed it in September and she married my step father the next April. Later on when I went NC I wrote her telling her when ever she left him she left me too. She couldn't hear me over her handing everything over to my slutty ex-wife.

q1605 said...

Peep I have a picture of her and him in the lawyers office on the day she gone acquitted and he is standing there beaming like a 500 watt bulb. The courts might not convict with reasonable doubt but I would have put my foot in her ass for half the stuff that came out in the trial. Sloppy seconds must have been good for him. Cause he took all that she shook and he kept coming back for more.

Joan S said...

One time I came home from school and there was mother all mad at us. wouldn't talk, when she finally did, she said, "You have a new stepmother." Like all nasty, like it was my fault. Like nasty.

I think of your father throwing out your mother like that, lol. I wonder what your mother would have done if your father didn't commit suicide and moved on to be with a new woman. Not that its important now, just interesting.

Joan S said...

I am getting a load of what your father was like at the trial. I'm so sorry, but I have to say that is pathetic Q. So sorry.

q1605 said...

Joan, according to sis he had an affair with some lady in the fifties and sis told me years later about it and he had copped to it to my sister. My mother still railed on about it until she died. That was included in about one of the last conversations I had with my mother before I bolted. She could screw everyone of his friends and kill his boss and stuff him the trunk of a car and park him on the road in the country and cost us all we had but goddamn you to hell if you gave a her speck of what she gave us.
I was thinking earlier about my mother and my ex teaming up. My mother was mean and crazy but I never did a thing to my ex but she hated me anyway. I don't know if she was living up to the cliche of dissing ex spouses or if I am not supposed to defend myself from being obliterated. I think when they achieve that level of insanity they hate you no matter what you do. If people hear how much they hate you they have to think you are guilty of SOMETHING bad. But I never got to defend myself from any of the people that swallowed what my ex said about me. They took it hook, line, and sinker

Joan S said...

They make my own mother sound tame. Mother dissed people though, and a family that lived next to us on the next farm, sold out and moved away. On another farm, that lived on the other side of us, just literally stayed away. Father had friends, and according to mother father was sleeping with all the wives. Any woman dad talked to father was sleeping with her. A woman died of cervical cancer, but that was ok cause she was a whore and that's what whores do, they die of cervical cancer. I know that was in the medical journal, but it was meant to help, not hinder. And mother railed on, and she used all the verbal language that would make a sailor blush. And we lived on an isolated farm. But yours makes mine sound tame. Kinda the same thing though, but different. Mother never committed physical murder, but another family moved away because mother said that he was having sex with the dog.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

That's sad he was beaming like a 500 watt bulb, sheesh. What kind of personality did your father have? Did he appear meek and mild like a "yes dear" type? I have a hard time picturing why a guy especially in the "Mad Men" era, would be putting up with some much from a woman? He wasn't desperate and appeared like an ordinary guy right? Just wondering how she got that degree of power over him.

I find myself wondering why he put up with it all? Hearing everything described in the trial he was okay with that? What he do kiss another girl when they were teens? She probably blew that up. Its true if people hate someone and talk enough trash about you, sadly most people think there is a reason for so much hate?

Elli G said...

It looks like the sane thing to do when you discover your wife is a cheating whore. Have you ever thought of the possibility that your mother might have somehow implied that she would off him first if he woudn't leave willingly? Because this is exactly what happened with mine, she threatened to kill him and she actually meant it. You should see how she was glowing every time she told the story. She would say "Had he moved an inch, next day I would have been in the newspapers.." Enter nasty grin, then shaking head pretending to be sad about the whole ordeal.

q1605 said...

I don't know Elli. I played it a million ways in my head. I wrote my mother and told her that she made me complicit in his suicide because he knew there was no way she could have done all she did without me knowing something. By then she had already cut me out of her will and was busy insuring a smooth transition of family assets to my ex-wife. So it was really an exercise in pissing in the wind. I really think the prospect of him losing his sweet sweet love monkey was more than he could bear.

q1605 said...

Peep I really don't know. I lived with her awhile and you just have to bend yourself around the crooks in her trunk. He threatened to divorce her after the trial but she turned on the crocodile tears long enough to suck him back in and his fate was sealed. That's what bugs me about my ex. She missed out on all this fun, and me and my sister put up with this shit all of our lives.

q1605 said...

Joan I just can't imagine people that knew what they were like and allowed them to keep doing crazy stuff around us. Like my grandmother. She knew more or less what my mother was like but did nothing to atop her. I've talked about this story before but will again. After my sister was grown she took my mothers mother to a house behind the ally of where we lived for a couple of years in the 60's. They were chatting and the woman started talking about how she thought about calling child protective services on my mother for what went on during the day. My grandmothers reaction was to get up and leave ASAP. I love it when people can't bear to hear what me and sis put up with all day everyday. Does that make sense? Hearing about the squalor we lived in is too much for their delicate sensibilities. Yet we had to live in it. And we couldn't get up and drive somewhere else. We had to stay put and be a captive audience.

Elli G said...

Q, have I recently told you how awesome you've turned out to be given the shitty parents you've been dealt? If not, I'm telling you now.

q1605 said...

Thanks Elli! Sometimes telling my story makes me feel like a kitchen appliance salesman........like wait.... now how much would you pay? My good qualities are from my grandparents and if I accentuate the positives they instilled in me I do OK. I haven't resorted to killing hookers and dumping them in shallow graves yet, but there is still time.

Elli G said...

Damn Q! I had no positive influences, which begs the question "Was my mother right to tell me that I'm nothing?" If claiming to be demonically possessed whenever you are caught in your nasty acts makes you something, then I am pretty happy with being nothing.

q1605 said...

I hear ya. They make what ever it takes in this moment to get to the next so hopefully you will forget what you were holding them accountable for and move on to something else.

q1605 said...

Elli you seem nice enough to me. I would take everything they said and write it in a journal and burn it. Cuz even if it made sense it's irrelevant. Just like them.

q1605 said...

Elli this is for you
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=7WXhbixla0c

Elli G said...

To be perfectly honest I never considered myself to be the best person that I could be. What I mean is that at times I have abused alcohol, I have abused my body and have had bad thoughts for other people. Maybe I'm wrong, but I consider this all part of human fair play. What never crossed my mind was to manipulate my family, and especially my mother and my brother, and to mistreat them on purpose so that I can feel at peace when they are hurting. And this is what keeps me sane. This is what I believe separates me from them. Without any remorse they used me throughout my entire life to stick their labels on, to smear their shortcomings on, and to hide their insecurities by stabbing me right in the chest when I had to pretend I was still smiling. I've never dreamt of pulling that shit on pple who are supposed to love me and I'm supposed to love back.

q1605 said...

Elli Nothing I can say will add more quality to the logic you just spoke of so I will let that stand on it's own. Except to say that's what I mean when I say I have lived my life to be everything they are not.

Anonymous said...

I think some men found narc women attractive. Thinking back since I read your article on Charles Tessmer, I have some theories on why some men found narc women attractive. I am unsure if this was your father's case, as well as Tessmer and your stepfather's. Maybe Tessmer married a normal woman but cheated on her with narc women who liked his money, status, and humbled looks. Tessmer was a great listener who had great memory bank in his brain. Narc women found that attractive. As we all know, narc women are looking for men who have potential to give them money and status, because that's all they care for.

I believe some men in pre-feminist day found narc women attractive, because some narc women dressed well, had good grooming habits, appeared poised and well-mannered, appeared to be less needy, offered sex, were "outgoing and confident," were charming, and looked cold enough. Some people found coldness attractive and organismic. Or some men did not want to be a leader in their homes, therefore, they wanted a wife who would take care of their homes, raise their children, and make decision. They could be breadwinners and do some men's work such as fixing cars, and doing handyman work at home. Some men would stay with their nagging wives and wives who were "refrigerator mothers." Some are covert narc men who had a narc mother themselves.

I'm not saying that your father was a covert narc himself. He might not be a covert narc. He probably was hoodwinked by your narc mother's love bombing stuff and charms before they got married and he saw the real her after marriage. He did not like what he saw and walked out. In pre-feminist days, some men walked out on their wives for nagging them and for showing them that they did hot make enough money to make them happy. Maybe your narc mother withheld sex from him or did something that made him fed-up with her. He walked out on her because he had lower tolerances for abuses.

Your narc mother started her smear campaign against him because he walked out on her. Narc women and any narcs we are dealing are like barnacles. When we leave them and are happy with our lives, they will smear against us. They want to cling on to us so we will not be happy with our lives. I hope you know what I mean. These are my theories based on what I read so far. I want to apologize in advance if I got some information wrong.

I hate narc women myself because they snag good men and then burn these men alive before I had a chance to meet them. Many men today are afraid of getting married because they had narc girlfriends and wives in the past. Narc women made themselves look attractive and once they got married, they ruined these men's souls. When men ran for the hills, narc women played victims to their kids and relatives. I'm glad you wised up years before your narc mother tried to smear against your father for "having an affair" and leaving her.

Anonymous said...


I had a professor once who was married to a narc woman 27 years his junior. No kidding, he had a first wife and two children in my generation when he was younger. Then his first wife died and his children became adults. He married a Filipino women who is closer to my age. However, she was a narc who kept on saying no to people for him. Several times, I asked him for help or some appointments as a student and a prospective new friend when I left his employer, an university. He told me that he consulted with his wife and she said no. I talked to his narc wife myself and noticed she was very cold and condescending.

When the professor became ill in early 2000s, he left his job and neglected some of his duties as an Emeritus Professor. He also revealed that both of his sons with his narc wife had autism and that he was upset. His adult children do not have autism. His sons with his narc wife did. Some people could call his narc wife a "refrigerator mother" even though her sons are victims of glysophate and GMO in foods, timeral in shots, and poisonous substances in medicine. However, her husband was a well-liked professor in Molecular Biology, thus, he should have heard of GMO and timeral years before general population knew about. And his wife works for the School of Public Health.

By the way, over the years, my professor did not respond to my emails and phone calls and stopped supporting my graduate school plan. Then I looked at pictures of them and wondered why he found his narc wife attractive. Then I looked at recent pictures of him and noticed he was a covert narc!

q1605 said...

Thanks anonymous. I went to the doctor earlier and if you don't mind will comment later. My short answer to my father is that he was completely pussy whipped. My ex wife gave me the same act as my mother gave my father. One time after we separated my grandmothers dog died and she had been keeping him in our back yard. She calls me up at my apartment weeping about how overwhelmed she was with the dogs death and her not having a truck or dumpster to get rid of the body. So I drive down and she lets me in the side gate and I picked the dog up and threw him in the back of the truck. I was going to go back into the yard and talk to her and she all but slammed my nose in the gate. It was histrionics to get me down to do her dirty work and once she had the dog out of her way didn't need me around. That is one of many self serving episodes. I found out later she was screwing one of our neighbors and had pilfered money out of a joint account and bought a nice boat and parked it at the guys house. I went by and asked him where he came up with such a nice boat and he gave me some lame ass story about a guy giving it to him for painting his house. He's telling me this and technically the boat was half mine. My point is I had a wife as deceptive to me as my mother was to my father and I didn't kill myself over it. I know there were times when I was taking care of my mother I would have blown my brains out to just make her noise stop but I didn't. She had some spell over that guy and it still makes no sense at all.

q1605 said...

I am not sure I understand what a covert narc is. I haven't really checked it out but if it is a person who defines himself by the way they fill the vacuum that a narcissist creates that would be a good way to describe my father. My mother took and took and took and his role in life seemed to be in how he made himself available to her. She put him in a vulnerable position and then pushed him out to sea. Since to him he didn't exist without filling her needs when those needs were being met by another he thought of himself as expendable and left this world. When I first learned about personality disorders I used to describe it as them being a twisted tree and that the people around them can only live in proximity of them by taking on the bend of them and becoming sort of a mirror image of their deformity. Then when you take away the narcissist you are left with a person that is the mirror image of the bend in them. I really don't like putting that much thought into it. I am satisfied with thinking of them as a miasma of toxicity that is better left behind you. That and to get away from early before you become dependent on a crazy person for how you plug into the world. That's easier said then done if you are already defining yourself by their twists and turns. Back to the toxic angle. I know radioactive waste is deadly and I will take the skull and crossbones stenciled on the barrel as proof enough to get away from it. If you are familiar with that Doug Kenney guy who wrote for the National Lampoon that fell off a cliff in Hawaii Anne Beatts a peer of his said she heard that the cliff he fell off had a sign that showed you when you were too far out. And she said that the minute she heard that she could picture him stepping over the line and saying you mean here?
aaaaaaaaaaaa! yes there.