RumblestripQ: Back stage pass to the sociopath Side show Just cause you got the monkey off your back doesn't mean the circus has left town.
Ha ok, um, that's one of the things about AA that I never understood. Making amends probably should come later maybe after a lot of other self work has been done, as this video has shown.
I was mostly poking fun at some of the DNM's sites that work over time to appeal to everybody and try and make sure it stays a love bomb fest.
I don't agree with AA make amends, how many alcoholics and drug addicts were the victims of abuse? They are basically telling them to go say sorry to their abusers, who were addicted to abusing them. I've seen the love bomb fest websites. I did 12 steps for OA. I wasn't really overeating but since I had been beaten down for being fat, I definitely was failing to lose weight and was desperate. They all told us we had to apologize to everyone for our eating. LOL I knew I didn't belong, though the room was full of thin women who had scarfed down whole bags of cookies. With the catfisher, why didn't I listen to my intuition when she said nice things about me? I guess I was even thinking "Another fake, can't be?" Silly me.
I went through a twelve step for my drinking but like you were saying I really didn't screw anyone over so in effect they were heaping more guilt on someone abusing substances who was trying to mask unfounded guilt. It didn't last very long. I went through twice and relapsed shortly after both times. AA seems to have a better track record than expensive long term in patient facilities so in that regard they do more good than harm. But sobriety is not an exercise in economics, so most judicial systems waste money that could be better invested somewhere else.
Glad AA helped you, I think it does help a lot of people and maybe they want to focus on people taking responsiblity but I think some of that amends stuff should be dealt with with a few changes especially for those who are abused. I noticed watching Intervention the people who seem to proceed in treatment are ones who get some sincere apologies. I know you never could get them or anyone dealing with a narc. I agree about the judicial systems wasting money. I am for full legalization of all drugs, that may shock a few, I consider the war on drugs a whole scam. Locking people up isn't going to get to the core root of addiction.
I was writing to my sister comparing divorcing my ex and getting out of jail and sort of tying that in to my father's draconian method for getting shed of my mother. And I said every time I am done with a long effort to redeem my self or get out of a bad relationship instead of the elation you might expect, which I get at first, but it's followed up by a sense of futility about having to start over and pick up where I left off and start back at square one. With less resources than I had before. I also think that is from all the starting over we did with my mother in our life. We couldn't make many friends at school because she would do something that would cause us to pick up and move somewhere else and start over. Her trial made us have to start over my father s death made us have to start over. Every affair she had made us have to start over. And when I say start over I mean with Nothing. No money no friends no home barely fed and clothed. And I got to a point where living out of a suitcase was normal and you just didn't plan more than a couple of months ahead because you knew she would create some disaster that was unimaginable. That's why I wish I could go back and have the experience I have now but have it back then. I would sit them both down and say you guys are insane and you better knock it off and dad ....you realize your wife is a slut and she'll be a slut no matter where we live. The only way you will get her to be faithful is to move to a land where men don't have penis's. So either suck it up and/or get a divorce because with her around this is as good as it's going to get.
From the outside looking in you would think my father would be happy to get rid of my mother. But instead of seeing a brighter future he looked at the waste he made of his life and snuffed it. He realized his friends had all slept with this woman he had put on a pedestal. And he was in hock up to his eyeballs for a woman that wouldn't give him the time of day if there was nothing to be gained for her and he just walked out and shot himself rather than go for another do over. She had hollowed our whole family out and was looking for new meat. And he let it happen.
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