Friday, March 4, 2016

We all Shine On




I watched that documentary "Becoming Bulletproof" again, and at the end I thought about the sense of the absurdity generated by your average Narc. Those guys were here, and they stood up to be counted. No one can ever take that experience from them. No one can undo the goodwill they had as friends blending in with the acting community.
 I got high from it.  I thought no matter how hard our narcs try to obliterate us  from the earth. They never will. We were here and we did what we did,  and we lived how we lived. We didn't turn every interaction with a loved one into a shell game.  From now until the universe collapses on itself, there is nothing they can do to take away what we had. If family members and old friends choose to side with the narc, their duplicity and deceit will never be erased either. I have no problem sleeping at night. I wonder if they can say the same thing. They probably can, because they live to ruin others. It's what they do. One day that smirk will end. I don't care if I am here to see it.  That day will come.  I don't care if I see them receive justice in this world. I just know that the universe has a way of evening things up. But you can't saddle me with the evil that they do. Compared to them I lived my life above reproach.
For all you sociopaths ........and you know who you are!
Screw YOU!  

12 comments:

Jonsi said...

Exactly!!

Judith said...

Amen, brother!

Joan S said...

Oh justice is coming, God is very just. At one point I thought my mother would never die or outlive me, and its a miracle I'm not dead yet or locked up in a tiny room in a straightjacket. But mother did die and it seems strange for where did that powerful force of mother go? Where did that seething anger go? To a place where she can crave for supply with no relief for eternity.

q1605 said...

Thanks for tagging in Judith.
Joan, I am agnostic about evil. I don't know where it come from and I don't know where it goes. I have been googling Near Death Experiences to try and put more concrete around my thoughts. I don't know if I think that what they saw was real or if it was the misfiring synapses of an oxygen starved brain. But it does make a person think.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

I believe God will be facing mine one day. I asked God to confront her. I know that is a weird prayer. Yes Joan you have to be wondering what became of your mother what did she face. Narcs never consider the eternal price of things, no guilt or worry about hell. I have studied NDE's, think some can be deceptive from Christian viewpoint, bible says there is a unbreakable chasm between living and dead. I'll tell you why, my Nfather died on a medical table and he told me he "died" and went to a place called "heaven" and met some dead relatives and they told him he had no worries and he was going to "heaven". automatically. He actually said to me, they told me "everyone goes to heaven". I also met this New Age lady I worked with who had the same experience. I guess I try to test things by the bible, but if anything it seems if my father had really died and gone to the real heaven, the angels and God would have told him to stand up against my mother's lies and evils. That didn't happen. In my case, I do believe in an afterlife definitely. I fear hell myself even as I spout off about narcs ending up there. Have to depend on Jesus to keep me out of there and do, but yeah, I wonder about my father going to "heaven" and being told he was just "fine" and everything was honky-dory. They had nothing to say to him about his rages and the abuse or what was going on in his house? Some angels...

q1605 said...

Peep, One time I was standing in our house when I was about 14 I felt this presence behind me. It was so real and felt so warm and comforting that I waved my hand through the air fully expecting to feel someone standing in front of me. It was gone about as soon as I felt it. In about 10 minutes my mother ( yes that one) called and told me my great grandmother had just died. I almost wasn't surprised by the news. But I just kind of did this self recognition of oooooo that's what that was. I never felt it before and I have never felt it since.

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

Hmm interesting, I don't know if anyone gets a chance to say goodbye or not, on the way out. Maybe.....

q1605 said...

I really don't know what it was other than an attempt by me to assign earthly logic to an illogical happening. But it was real. I actually waved my hand through the air with nothing there and fully expected to touch someone or something standing there.

Bess said...

I attended a funeral some years back for a cousin who died in a stabbing. When everyone was seated and the usual preacher stuff was about to begin, I got so cold, just profoundly cold, and I was just turning to my mother to ask if she was cold too when a big chandelier light cover on the ceiling fell with a huge bang. Didn't hit anyone...sister of the deceased cousin cackled "(Dead cousin)'s here". I've had the icy feeling a few times in my life, sometimes accompanied by a surreal feeling, a couple times really frightening, and a couple times peaceful. The peaceful times were a real gift.

q1605 said...

If not for that experience I would have been a no holds barred unrepentant atheist. But that was real enough that I truly believe there is something more out there. It must be good if it's anything like that experience. But it was real and I felt it. It was so real I will never forget it. I have had lesser experience's and they fade after a while and it gets so you can assign a logical or scientific reason for what you felt or heard. This one has never diminished and I can play it back in my head like a DVD. There were dozens of things around that house that can be explained away. I used to sit in the living room when no one was there and swear I heard silverware banging around in the kitchen. My sister said there was a while when I was driving my grandmother to night classes at this community college and she said by the time I would get back she was about ready to run out of the house screaming. To me those things were tantamount to watching one of those ghosty ghost shows and succumbing to their story telling abilities. But that one time was real as the day is long. It was like a kleig light of spirituality shining through me. Except there was nothing to see, it could only be felt. It's what I would imagine beatitude is like. If I am correct beatitude is the way people feel in heaven. Knowing my luck the powers that be are just messing with my head. That Doug guy wants to believe but he is too science minded. So we'll give him a taste so he will spend his life confused and fretting about what he thinks death will be like. It's funny because I got about as close to death as you can get without really dying and the closer I got the more I wanted to live.

q1605 said...


And that didn't happen at the farm. I was in town at our real house.

Bess said...

I get it. Beatitude is a great description.