Friday, June 17, 2016

Darvo


DARVO refers to a reaction that perpetrators of wrong doing, particularly sexual offenders, may display in response to being held accountable.


When my ex wife had us go to a marriage counselor, it was a classic Lance Armstrong/ Oprah Winfrey/Betsy Andreu move. Lance Armstrong vilified Betsy in the press because she called him out on his blood doping and his use of performance enhancing drugs. He called her briefly before he went on Oprah so he could tell the cameras he reached out to her and that he has made amends and to make it look like he was respecting her privacy and dignity by not talking about her on the air.  My ex dragging me to a marriage councilor was done solely to cover my ex wife's ass.  And to waste my time.  For her it was exhibit A in the "I did all I could do to save this marriage mom"dance. (Her mom not mine). And he didn't want to work it out. He even got up and left in the middle of a session with a councilor, sabotaging my efforts to save our marriage. She would NEVER say the truth which is  "I am a monster and had no intentions of ever acting like a wife". "We just went to counseling so I could tell everyone I did the best I could" and fob off my accountability on Doug. 
Personality disordered people never seek help to try and change things.  They only entertain outside options that validate their insane thinking and to garner sympathy as they continue to wreck their family. It's hard to contest vague generalities.
Its all moot. It's all done  My mother has wrecked who she wrecked and then she subbed her work out at her death to my ex who was more than willing to pay me back for infractions that any person would have committed had they been  in my shoes. I told my ex I had one foot out the door long before I walked. It's not my fault the straw that broke the camels back came at her sisters house.
 She's their problem now which is exactly what my mom told my current partner about me.  When I left my ex and drove off, I had just endured a drive back from Santa Barbara to Montecito with her punctuating each question I asked with a child like "you'll never know" "you'll never know" like we were third graders on the playground. So I left ......and what does she do to redeem herself? She buys a boat with community property and parks it at her boyfriends house to keep it off the court  inventory.  I wish I had killed them both while I had the chance. 
 I put this in a letter to my mother...........How many people do you know that had their youth consumed in a murder trial and then had to "witness" their fathers suicide and get dragged from pillar to post? None! Because normal people from normal families don't have to endure this shit. And it is because of YOU. Maybe it's YOU that takes us down all of the time. She didn't read it. She was too busy making out a new will and leaving everything to the best daughter money could buy. 
A great blogger once said Fuck'em. I tend to agree with her

1 comment:

Five Hundred Pound Peep said...

Everything is about appearing to be something they are not. Attempts at counseling. False invites for me, and fake cards, that are like a fascimile of an actual one but done, so she can say "I tried to contact her, she just didn't care. Most will sign up for the counseling to whine, BUT I TRIED>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>. There's a point you just can't try anymore and have to walk away and know its been a waste of time. Many of mine colluded with each other too.