Sunday, October 30, 2016

6 ways to know you were raised by a narcissist. From the huffing ton post

6 Signs You Were Raised By A Narcissist

 I think this article is informative enough to take the time to read, I just never saw any act of contrition or self awareness in the eyes of my mother. To her it was a my way or the highway proposition. The look in the eyes of her victims was as much of the payoff as the smug satisfaction she received. Her atrocities were never recognized as hers. It was always some one else's fault.  If there is a line between NPD and being a sociopath psycho my mother was the line of demarcation.      

Once you figure this out, a whole lot of other things will start to make sense.

To outsiders, your dad is a larger-than-life social magnet who attracts people from all walks of life. Or your mom is the perfect woman, always looking to please and juggling everything with ease.
But behind closed doors, all pretense falls away. Only you, their child, knows what it’s like to endure their cold shoulders for days on end over a minor infraction, or bear the brunt of constant, age-inappropriate demands for perfection and strength. You know what it’s like to be parented by a narcissist.
Narcissistic Personality Disorder is one of 10 personality disorders described in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, an authoritative psychiatric guide. Narcissists tend to have an inflated sense of self-worth and base their identity on the praise and approval of others. Their intimate relationships are superficial and focused mostly on how other people reflect on them, with little to no empathy for the other person’s experience. They genuinely believe that they’re better than other people, but they are also prone to feeling intense shame over critiques they receive or mistakes they make.
Researchers estimate that less than one percent of the general population has evidence of “full-blown” NPD, but anywhere from two to 16 percent of people who seek therapy have the disorder. That’s usually because the loved ones in their lives have demanded they seek help or risk losing their relationship, career or other life privileges, explains therapist Wendy Behary, founder of The Cognitive Therapy Center of New Jersey and author of the book Disarming the Narcissist: Surviving and Thriving with the Self-Absorbed.
But children of narcissists are rarely in a position to demand that their parents seek help. In fact, they may not even realize that their parents were narcissists until they seek professional help for their own struggles, said Behary, who specializes in treating people with NPD and their “survivors.” While narcissists come in all varieties and their symptoms vary across a spectrum, Behary notes that there are a few ways for adult children to tell they may have been raised by a narcissist. In the points below, both she and psychologist Craig Malkin, author of the book Rethinking Narcissism: The Bad — And Surprising Good — About Feeling Special, break down the signs of a narcissistic parent, and what adult children should do to break the cycle of destructive decisions

1. You’re a complete doormat.
A narcissistic parent will trample all over their family to address their own desires without giving much thought to what anyone else needs. Because of this, some adult children of narcissists will actually over correct and bend over backwards to make sure no one could ever possibly perceive them this way. Alternately, they may have grown up all their lives being told that their needs don’t matter. Either way, the result is the same: They let people walk all over them because they’re not in touch with what they need and they don’t know how to express it.
“They’re not able to say, ‘I matter,’ and ‘I have needs’ because that feels narcissistic,” explained Behary. “Someone who’s fighting hard not to be a narcissistic parent ends up being trampled on.”
“I’ve seen clients whose parents made them feel sick, crazy, or selfish for expressing the most basic of needs,” agreed Malkin. “One of my clients felt so worthless and frightened as an adult, he suffered from nightmares and cowered in the face of any authority figures because they reminded him of his abusive father.”
What you can do: Learn as much about narcissism as you can, in order to be able to identify the dysfunctional messages you grew up with and start working against them.
“If I meet someone who has grown up with a narcissistic parent, or if I’m clued in that that might be the case, it’s really important for me to make sure that they understand narcissism in all of its colors,” said Behary. “We figure out together what type of narcissism their parent had, but even more importantly, we have to look for the part of them that got lost along the way.”
2. You’re afraid you might be a narcissist yourself.
Not everyone over corrects in reaction to seeing narcissism. Some children see that the only way to avoid ridicule and abuse is to be like the narcissistic parent, and over the years, this survival tactic turns into the way they genuinely see the world. Adult children who adopted these coping mechanisms may find themselves putting others down out of a fear — rooted in childhood — that if they don’t show strength first, they could be crushed, just like when they were young, explained Malkin. “Extremely strong-willed children, more extraverted from birth, sometimes become narcissistic themselves in a game of ‘If you can’t beat ‘em, join ‘em,’” he said. 
I always saw my self and my family as a cut above others and the only thing I could base this on was my mothers noise. Which if you think about it it was words from a bona fide murderer living in a trailer park in the town she was born in. During the daytime she let her boyfriends inject drugs in her bathroom and letting them get her kids pets drunk and drowning them in the shower to "sober" them up. A real fucking class act that one. 
What you can do: Seek the help of a professional to help you break out of abusive behavior patterns, especially if you already have a partner and/or children.
“Children of narcissists who find themselves name-calling and hurling insults aren’t without hope, but they need to roll up their sleeves and work hard emotionally,” said Malkin. “They need to become comfortable feeling — and expressing — vulnerable feelings like sadness, loneliness, fear, and overwhelm with those they love.”
3. You feel relentlessly competitive with, or resentful of, your sibling.
Narcissists have trouble with personal boundaries and view other people as extensions of themselves. In families with several children, one may be chosen to reflect the narcissist’s best qualities. They get the most attention, praise and support, but are also under the most pressure to perform. Another child may be a target for the parent’s blame and shame, and scapegoated as a burden that can never do anything right compared to the chosen child. They may also be blamed as the reason that a narcissistic parent is forced to act in an abusive way. Both projections are two different sides of a narcissist’s personality, but the chosen child and the scapegoat will have two very different childhoods, and this pits them against each other, even into adulthood. If not for my sister and I's relationship the whole goddamn house would have been considered certifiably insane . But my mother  was so far over the top that me and my sister had to rely on each other lest we become like those two. Panting and humping dogs that got kicked on a regular basis. My mother made these kick ass home cooked meals unless my father was out of town and if he was gone we had to fend for our selves. 
What you can do: Reach out to your sibling with what you’ve learned. If you were the chosen child, you might resent your sibling for the fact that they were under a lot less pressure than you. But if you were the scapegoat, you might resent your sibling for soaking up all the praise and glory and leaving none for you. Understand that the narcissist pits people against each other on purpose, to serve their own needs, and that this dynamic wasn’t your fault.
“Extremely narcissistic people love to put people on pedestals — almost as much as they enjoy knocking them off them,” said Malkin. “Perfect people don’t disappoint, so if you idolize people ― even your kids ― you needn’t ever worry about being disappointed or hurt. Scapegoating accomplishes much the same thing. You never have to worry about expecting too much and being disappointed because none of us really expect anything from people we view as worthless.”
There is hope for siblings who were put in this position as children, said Behary ― even if the only thing that unites them in the end is the shared experience of having a narcissistic parent.
“They can end up feeling extremely bonded to one another,” said Behary. “Common hostages going through different phases of torture, based on how bad the narcissist might be in their life.”
4. At times, you’ve felt you were more your parent’s partner than their child.
Not all narcissists command the spotlight with their bold, brash personalities. Some narcissists demand the attention of the room by playing the victim or describing their problems as greater than anyone else’s problems. They may also try to control other people’s actions by threatening to harm themselves unless a certain outcome goes their way.
People with this kind of narcissistic parent may feel that they spend their entire childhood running to put one fire out after another, or trying to maintain the peace so that no one is hurt. Some of Behary’s clients tell her that they felt more like their mother’s husband than their mother’s son, and this burden meant that they were doing more of the emotional supporting than the parent was. Or they felt their life was all about keeping their father from getting angry at the family.
“It’s the sense of drama that the child feels they have to manage,” said Behary. “In order to do that, they really have to forfeit a lot of their own innate childhood needs.”
What you can do: Take time to acknowledge the young child that’s still inside you, and ask what his or her needs were and still are. Behary advocates using the power of imagination — aided, perhaps, by photos from childhood — to acknowledge the emotional needs that weren’t met and still aren’t being fulfilled by your parents.
“She’s still suffering in there and she needs someone to care about her,” said Behary. “She needs to be able to feel that she’s fine. She needs to know that she has rights too.”
5. You derive self-worth solely from your achievements.
Some children of narcissists figure out that the only way to get along in this world is to do as their parent does and derive their self-worth from production, performance and achievement. While they may not be beset by the perilously low self-esteem and overwhelming sense of shame of a true narcissist, some adult children may take on behaviors like workaholism because their performance is the only way they’ve ever been taught to define themselves.
“The child of the narcissist learns that the only thing that matters is what I can produce in the world, not just my own little being,” said Behary. “[This] is very similar to the way the narcissist can be in the world, except children of narcissists may not have same brash overcoating — they’re more detached, more self-contained.”
What you can do: Try to empathize with your parent, suggests Behary. You don’t have to feel sorry for them, but it can be helpful to emotionally inhabit the feelings and choices of another person, to understand their thoughts and decisions, even if you don’t agree with them. Because of Behary’s work with narcissists, she understand that they are often intensely suffering because the survival tactics they learned in childhood are backfiring on them in adulthood.
While some researchers think that there may be a biological basis that makes some people more vulnerable to narcissism than others, others agree that the personality disorder stems from a complex mix of factors that include exceptionally harsh criticism and/or praise in childhood, which causes the child to shield their low self-esteem with a strong, perfect persona. It also makes the child especially needy of praise, admiration and flattery in order to feel normal, while leaving them especially vulnerable to even the slightest criticism, notes the Mayo Clinic.
I disagree with having sympathy for the narcs. My mother got way too much joy from the undoing of others. She unraveled peoples lives with the glee that you only see in the eyes of Nazis  gassing train loads of Jews. 
“I care about the [narcissists] I work with because I know they’re suffering underneath,” said Behary. “People will say, ‘You’re such a softie on them,’ and I say I hold them responsible for their bad behaviors, but I don’t blame them for how they were formed.” Behary emphasizes that while narcissists may have turned out this way through no fault of their own, it is solely their responsibility — not their children’s — to do something about it.
 Sympathy assumes proximity and no one wanted to get and stay close enough to my mother to give her anything but a one sided exchange.  At least not my generation. The adults that were adults when she was a child didn't know the reality of her well enough to think of her as anything but a child. If she was a child she was the doll in the twilight zone that pushed Telly Savalas  down a flight of stairs.  My mother got way to much joy from the undoing of others. She unraveled peoples lives with glee that you only see in the eyes of Nazis's gassing train loads of Jews. For her that was the right side of her equation. Betrayal wasn't betrayal unless she could watch the pain in the eyes of others. 
6. You have no sense of yourself, your wants, your needs or your goals.
A telling trait of narcissism is grandiosity: thoughts or feelings that one is superior to others, even if one doesn’t have the achievements to justify it. Narcissistic parents may see themselves as elite, but because they never achieved a certain level of success, they may find meaning in living vicariously through their children, explained Behary.
“Many children of narcissists will say, ‘I’m not sure how I ended up in this career because I never really knew what I wanted,’” said Behary. Or, “I always felt like I was poised to be more of a reflection of my mother rather than be my own person.”
What you can do: Consider going low or no-contact with abusive or manipulative parents. Not all narcissistic parents are abusive, explains Malkin. But parents with extreme forms of narcissism can leave their adult children feeling like shells of themselves, and sometimes the safest thing for adult children to do is to limit their exposure to these toxic relationships, especially if the parents don’t think they have anything to apologize for.
Malkin says there are three signs an adult child should consider going low or no-contact with parents: Abuse, Denial and Psychopathy. No one should ever have to put up with emotional or physical abuse, and if parents can’t acknowledge the fact that there’s a problem in the first place, there’s little chance that anything will change. Psychopathy, which in this case will look like a pattern of easy lies and remorseless manipulation, indicates that the parents aren’t just bad at putting themselves in others’ shoes — they may actually lack the ability to empathize with others, and may even lack a conscience.
“Abusers are 100 percent responsible for their abuse, and only they can stop it,” Malkin concluded. “Until they do, interactions won’t be safe.” this last bit I see as valid and non negotiable  Go Now!  My No Contact cost me a lot of money and it was money well spent  I consider it a down payment on my life of sanity and separating the the wheat of my life from the chafe. 

Saturday, October 29, 2016

Dirty Water

I have yet to meet a narcissist that wouldn't steal the pennies off a dead mans eye's. 
So why would your narcissist be any different from mine?  Just making sure they keep their hands where you can see them isn't enough. You have to watch them as closely as they are watching you. And trust me they are watching you. Like an owl watches a mouse. They don't trust anybody because they know they can't be trusted and they think we all think like them.  If their lips are moving they are lying about something. And if there is a pen in their hand they are forging a document. Everywhere. All the time.  Be it hiding assets in a divorce or greasing up a formerly close relative of an old friend  to commandeer family assets from some other family coffers beside their own. It took me three houses before I figured this out. So take my advice and head them off at the pass. If they are at your dinner table or at a  lawyers office, be equipped with Lawanda's Narcissist's theft prevention devices.  

Saturday, October 22, 2016

Trump is mentally ill Co-opted from William Saletan of Slate Magazine

Donald Trump is mentally ill. After 16 months of campaigning and three general election debates, this has become all too clear. Trump sees himself as the victim of a web of conspiracies encompassing House Speaker Paul Ryan, the FBI, the CIA, and the Iraqi military. He sees events in his life—women who claim to have met him, violence by supporters at his rallies—as tentacles of these plots. He refuses to accept the outcome of the election, and he demands that his opponent be jailed, not because Trump is cynical but because he is paranoid.
In Wednesday’s debate, as in previous encounters with Hillary Clinton, Trump kept his composure for the first 25 minutes. But he couldn’t hide his self-preoccupation. The first question was about the Supreme Court. Trump answered it by complaining that Justice Ruth Bader Ginsburg had made “inappropriate statements towards me.” Later, Trump did what he has done at campaign rallies: recast bad news for others as good for himself. “The end of last week, they came out with an anemic jobs report,” he said. “I should win easily, it was so bad.”
Half an hour into the debate, Clinton challenged Trump to condemn Russia’s attempt to influence the election through cyberespionage. Trump responded with his usual pro-Russian arguments: that Russian dictator Vladimir Putin is too strong to play “chicken” with, that we should try to get along with Putin, and that we should soften our commitments to NATO countries. But Trump alsorejected the verdict of U.S. intelligence agencies:
Clinton: We have 17 intelligence agencies, civilian and military, who have all concluded that these espionage attacks, these cyber-attacks, come from the highest levels of the Kremlin and they are designed to influence our election. …
Trump: She has no idea whether it’s Russia, China, or anybody else.
Clinton: … Do you doubt 17 military and civilian agencies?
Trump: And our country has no idea.
The moderator, Chris Wallace of Fox News, affirmed Clinton’s assessment: “The top national security officials of this country do believe that Russia has been behind these hacks.” But Trump wouldn’t budge. He refused to trust American intelligence officials, even—or particularly—in a dispute with Putin.
Twenty minutes later, Wallace turned to Trump’s treatment of women. “Nine women have come forward and have said that you either groped them or kissed them without their consent,” Wallace observed. “Why would so many different women, from so many different circumstances over so many different years … why would they all make up these stories?”
Trump responded with a demonstrably bogus denial: “I didn't know any of these—I didn't see these women.” He accused Clinton of orchestrating their allegations: “I believe it was her campaign that did it. … She got these people to step forward. … [It] is all fiction, all fictionalized, probably or possibly started by her and her very sleazy campaign.”
In the same answer, Trump blamed Clinton for violence at Trump’s campaign rallies. He cited a recording in which a Democratic operative had discussed how to provoke Trump supporters by wearing anti-Trump or pro–Planned Parenthood T-shirts. Trump took no responsibility for having encouraged assaults at his rallies. “She talks about violence at my rallies, and she caused the violence,” he said of Clinton.
Trump tried to change the subject to Clinton’s emails. But then he had to explain why FBI Director James Comey, a longtime Republican, had decided after investigating the emails that Clinton shouldn’t be prosecuted. “What the FBI did” was “a disgrace,” said Trump. In rallies over the past week, Trump has all but indicted the bureau, claiming that Clinton and her henchmen have “corrupted the director of the FBI,” that “this is a conspiracy against you, the American people,” and that a special prosecutor must be appointed to “investigate the investigation.”
With half an hour left on the clock, Trump lost it. Wallace asked him: “You have been warning at rallies recently that this election is rigged and that Hillary Clinton is in the process of trying to steal it from you. … Do you [pledge] that you will absolutely accept the result of this election?” Trump refused to say yes. “I will look at it at the time,” he said. For one thing, Trump argued, there are “millions of people that are registered to vote that shouldn't be registered to vote.”

Tuesday, October 18, 2016

Trump wins the Election

Not really......In the unlikely event that Hillary Clinton bursts into flames and uses a small child to put her self out.. You can stick a fork in Trump....... he's done 
If he fucks around and actually wins please feel free to to use the forth coming tutorial.

By the way Vivian Pickles is using a dial tone phone it's all we had back then. 

Saturday, October 15, 2016

Pale Blue Dot

Image result for what does earth look like from the moon
“Look again at that dot. That's here. That's home. That's us. On it everyone you love, everyone you know, everyone you ever heard of, every human being who ever was, lived out their lives. The aggregate of our joy and suffering, thousands of confident religions, ideologies, and economic doctrines, every hunter and forager, every hero and coward, every creator and destroyer of civilization, every king and peasant, every young couple in love, every mother and father, hopeful child, inventor and explorer, every teacher of morals, every corrupt politician, every "superstar," every "supreme leader," every saint and sinner in the history of our species lived there-on a mote of dust suspended in a sunbeam.

The Earth is a very small stage in a vast cosmic arena. Think of the endless cruelties visited by the inhabitants of one corner of this pixel on the scarcely distinguishable inhabitants of some other corner, how frequent their misunderstandings, how eager they are to kill one another, how fervent their hatreds. Think of the rivers of blood spilled by all those generals and emperors so that, in glory and triumph, they could become the momentary masters of a fraction of a dot.

Our posturings, our imagined self-importance, the delusion that we have some privileged position in the Universe, are challenged by this point of pale light. Our planet is a lonely speck in the great enveloping cosmic dark. In our obscurity, in all this vastness, there is no hint that help will come from elsewhere to save us from ourselves.

The Earth is the only world known so far to harbor life. There is nowhere else, at least in the near future, to which our species could migrate. Visit, yes. Settle, not yet. Like it or not, for the moment the Earth is where we make our stand.

It has been said that astronomy is a humbling and character-building experience. There is perhaps no better demonstration of the folly of human conceits than this distant image of our tiny world. To me, it underscores our responsibility to deal more kindly with one another, and to preserve and cherish the pale blue dot, the only home we've ever known.”  Carl Sagan

Friday, October 14, 2016

Mr Autumn Man

Mr. Autumn Man Walking Down Street With Cup Of Coffee, Wearing Sweater Over Plaid Collared Shirt

BOSTON—The twigs and acorns crunching pleasurably beneath his boots, Mr. Autumn Man Dennis Clemons, 32, reportedly strolled down Massachusetts Avenue on Wednesday wearing a gray sweater over a plaid collared shirt as he cradled a cup of pumpkin-spiced coffee and relished the crisp October morning.

“Nothing beats autumn in New England,” said His Excellency, the Duke of Fall, who began the day swaddled in a warm flannel blanket, gazing out the window at the golden-hued landscape, as is his custom this time of year. “Everywhere the leaves are changing and the temperature is starting to drop off. You can smell it in the air.”

“Tonight it may even dip into the 30's,” added the cozy autumnal personage, who at several points wrapped both hands around his warm container of coffee and inhaled deeply. “Perfect weather for building a fire.”
Mr. Fall, who sources speculate loves Thanksgiving, butternut squash soup, homecoming parades, “The Legend of Sleepy Hollow,” apple-picking, and haunted hayrides, emerges reliably every year around this time in his traditional uniform, sometimes alternating his iconic sweater with a fleece vest or pullover.
The Autumnal Ambassador is also believed to be an avid consumer of seasonal produce, his home and hearth redolent of roasting Indian corn, gourds, and other root vegetables.
“I’m thinking about taking a trip to Salem with my girlfriend this weekend,” said Mr. Autumn Man, trying to decide whether to wear beige or brown corduroy pants for the excursion with his leather-gloved counterpart, Ms. Autumn Woman. “The variety of colors is incredible once you get out of the city.
“Between the trees and the forest floor, it’s like a giant mural,” continued the veritable High Priest of the Harvest Season, adding that he would soon have to rake his driveway, an activity for which he will most certainly don a cashmere scarf.
Sources said that in addition to snuggling up on the couch sipping hot apple cider and watching Meet Me In St. Louis on DVD, Mr. Autumn Man will also spend part of the weekend meeting up with his friends, the Autumn Gang, to watch fall sports and eat fall snacks.
“Getting together with the guys for football and wings is kind of like a tradition,” said the walking, talking essence of the Northern Hemisphere’s annual tilt away from the sun. “From pretty much September onward, no Sunday afternoon feels complete without it.”
“You’ve got to take it all in and enjoy it while you still can, though, because December will be here in the blink of an eye,” he added
According to reports, Mr. Fall will then put on a down jacket with a fur-trimmed hood, buy a lift ticket at a local ski slope, and start getting short with people at work because the early sunset “affects his mood,” thus signaling the completion of his metamorphosis into Mr. Wintertime Asshole Man.

Wednesday, October 12, 2016

Word Games

Would you knock a man down

If you don't like the cut of his clothes

Could you put a man away
If you don't want to hear what he knows
Well, it's happening right here
People dying of fear by the droves

And I know most of you

Either don't believe it's true

Or else you don't know what to do
Or maybe I'm singing about you
Who knows

It's incredibly sick, you can feel it

As across the land it flows

Prejudice is slick when it's a word game
It festers and grows
Move along quick, it furthers one
To have somewhere to go

You can feel it as it's rumblin'

Let emotions keep a tumblin'

Then as cities start to crumblin'
Mostly empty bellies grumblin'
Here we go

People see somebody different

Fear is the first reaction shown

Then they think they've got him licked
The barbaric hunt begins and they move in slow
A human spirit is devoured
The remains left to carrion crow

I was told that life is change

And yet history remains

Does it always stay the same
Do we shrug it off and say
Only God knows

By and by somebody usually goes

Down to the ghetto try and help

But they don't know why folks treat them cold
And the rich keep getting richer
And the rest of us just keep getting old

You see one must have a mission

In order to be a good Christian

If you don't you will be missing
High Mass or the evening show

And the well fed masters reap the harvests

Of the polluted seeds they've sown

Smug and self-righteous they bitch about people they owe
And you can't prove them wrong
They're so God damn sure they know

I have seen these things with my very own eyes

And defended my battered soul

It must be too tough to die
American propaganda, South African lies
Will not force me to take up arms, that's my enemies' pride

And I won't fight by his rules that's foolishness besides

His ignorance is gonna do him in and nobody's gonna cry

Because his children they are growing up
With bigots and their silver cups they're fed up
They might throw up on you

Flying Monkeys

Circle Jerks.

Fly, my pretties, fly!”

A favorite tactic of narcissists is bullying by proxy.
Instead of attacking directly,they recruit a team of flying monkeys.
These little primates take turns doing and saying obnoxious things, in an effort to make a target come undone. Because so many hands are involved, a target can never lodge a complaint. If they tried, it would sound ridiculous, since they would be pointing their finger  at so many people. Anybody who heard this would assume they were the ones with a personality disorder, instead of taking a good look at the real culprit.