Sunday, August 6, 2017

Trump and his adolescent cruelty


 https://www.usatoday.com/story/opinion/2017/08/05/trump-has-fetish-cruelty-christian-schneider-column/537483001/

Trump is basically a 71-year old kid delightedly melting ants under his magnifying glass.

It isn't very often that the public gets to see a man's soul die inside his body. To see his dignity immolated. His manhood ripped from his bones.
And to have it captured all in one picture. Oh, the picture.
Late last November, President-elect Donald Trump and former Republican nominee Mitt Romney settled into a four-course dinner at New York's Jean-Georges restaurant, dining on frog legs and diver scallops. Over the previous year, Romney had been bitterly critical of Trump, calling him "con man" and "a fraud" – yet upon winning, Trump dangled the possibility of naming Romney to the position of Secretary of State, leading to what would soon become Romney's Last Supper.
In a chilling photograph of the dinner, Romney has turned to the camera with the look of a man that would much prefer to be dining with the Grim Reaper. As Trump glowers at the camera with a mischievous grin, Romney's eyes yearn for a foregone era when he stood in resistance to the vulgarian-in-chief; a time before he was made to kiss the ring in exchange for serving his country as secretary of state. The only thing missing from the photo is a Sarah McLachlan song playing in the background and a phone number to call to stop the abuse.
Two weeks later, Trump picked oil executive Rex Tillerson to be his secretary of state, ending Romney's parade of public humiliation. But Trump got exactly what he wanted — after the dinner, Romney told reporters that Trump "continues with a message of inclusion and bringing people together," and that his "vision is something which obviously connected with the American people in a very powerful way.” Romney became another well-coiffed head for Trump's trophy case.

It wasn't the first time Trump stripped a conquered foe naked and paraded him in the public square, Game of Thrones-style. (And just like the citizens of Westeros, the #MAGA crowd evidently has plenty of time to take off work to spit and yell "shame" at Trump's vanquished opponents.)

Who can forget Trump holding an enormous umbrella and yet still forcing sycophantic Gov. Chris Christie of New Jersey to walk in the pouring rain? Or Trump mocking Christie to his face as he forced Christie to stand behind him on stage like a hostage?
One can even forgive the American public being "Little Marco'ed," "Lyin' Ted'ed" and "Crooked Hillary'ed" to exhaustion during the election. This is something entirely new — Trump clearly is a sadist who enjoys humiliating his opponents after he has already won.
Simply ask the third participant in the November dinner, White House Chief of Staff Reince Priebus. After months of harming his own reputation defending Trump's indefensible actions, Priebus was not only pushed out, but done so in the most embarrassing way possible. As if to emphasize Priebus' "weakness," Trump brought in tough guy flesh-and-bone absurdity Anthony Scaramucci to show Priebus the door. Then "The Mooch" was dumped himself days later in his own whirlpool of humiliation.
Or ask Attorney General Jeff Sessions, whom Trump shreds on a daily basis because the president doesn't have the stomach to fire him. Or former FBI director James Comey, whose decision to decline Trump's request for a "loyalty pledge" led to a firing surgically engineered to ruin Comey's name.
These are not the actions of a well-adjusted person. Trump clearly has a maudlin fetish for cruelty – given his pattern of humiliating both friend and foe, the president's brain is occupied with little else than Electoral College results and revenge fantasies. Trump is basically a 71-year old kid cackling in delight as he melts ants under his magnifying glass. Only these ants are attorneys general, senators, FBI directors and governors.
Naturally, Trump's supporters think toying with peoples' dignity is a show of strength – but it is the exact opposite. He's a weak leader who wastes what little political capital he has settling personal scores. With apologies to Winston Churchill, Trump remains an immodest man with much to be modest about.
And it's just a matter of time before he's under Vladimir Putin's magnifying glass.
Christian Schneider is a member of USA TODAY's Board of Contributors and a columnist for the Milwaukee Journal Sentinel, where this piece was first published. Follow him on Twitter @Schneider_CM

Saturday, July 29, 2017

Frustration with No Contact




I think of even the most simple minded people as complex,with a well developed range of character, so I project this depth on to my sociopath. But that range only exists in my  mind. In reality they never were any thing of any depth, but to mirror back to me the complex engagement I projected toward them. In my mind they were complex but they are really flat cue card mirrors with nothing there but me shining my self into their direction and them holding me up me myself. 

Donald Trump nominates His First Openly Gay Cabinet Member.

 Image result for donald trump

Saturday, July 22, 2017

This comment has been removed by the author. Then it was resurrected by the blogger.








When you get called in by the mole you never suspected to do all the shit work for the dying pig. And you start to do it, like an idiot. Then clue in. Nope. I'll stay home. The sideshow with corn dogs can go on at a long enough distance from me to not smell it

Thursday, July 20, 2017

Chester Bennington


In memory of Chester  Bennington
1976-2017
Do not go gentle into that good night,
Old age should burn and rave at close of day;
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Though wise men at their end know dark is right,
Because their words had forked no lightning they
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Good men, the last wave by, crying how bright
Their frail deeds might have danced in a green bay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
Wild men who caught and sang the sun in flight,
And learn, too late, they grieved it on its way,
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Grave men, near death, who see with blinding sight
Blind eyes could blaze like meteors and be gay,
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.
And you, my father, there on the sad height,
Curse, bless me now with your fierce tears, I pray.
Do not go gentle into that good night.
Rage, rage against the dying of the light.


When Your Mother is Barbarian the Town Whore.


Wednesday, July 19, 2017

NPD's and Sex




My narc mother and codependent father made sure we got the talk about sex often!
And that we got it early!

Friday, July 14, 2017

They're still fighting


I finally found a good metaphor for the lives me and my sister were forced to live. Watching my parents wage their intractable war on each other was like watching two planes collide in mid-air and fall from the sky. Shock and horror and a helplessness that no one could stop but them.
“I saw the best minds of my generation destroyed by madness, starving hysterical naked, dragging themselves through the  streets at dawn looking for an angry fix angel headed hipsters burning for the ancient heavenly connection to the starry dynamo in the machinery of the night.” 
― Allen Ginsberg



Related image




Thursday, July 13, 2017

Good Vibrations






Brian Wilson said that this song was inspired by his mother: "She used to tell me about vibrations. I didn't really understand too much of what it meant when I was just a boy. It scared me, the word 'vibrations'. She told me about dogs that would bark at people and then not bark at others, that a dog would pick up vibrations from these people that you can't see, but you can feel." Brian first enlisted Pet sounds  lyricist Tony Asher for help in putting words to the idea. When Brian presented the song on piano, Asher thought that it had an interesting premise with the potential for hit status, but could not fathom the end result due to Brian's primitive piano playing style. Asher remembers: "Brian was playing what amounts to the hook of the song: 'Good, good, good, good vibrations'. He started telling me the story about his mother. ... He said he’d always thought that it would be fun to write a song about vibes and picking them up from other people. ... There's a lesson in there about going with your gut as you separate the wheat from the chafe of human detritus. But I'll leave it to you to find it. 

Tuesday, July 11, 2017

American Beauty

I may be incommunicado for a while and the attention whore in me wants to leave you with a movie ending that ties my loose ends together.



Saturday, July 8, 2017

Narcissists are back stabbers.

So I'm watching this movie called "Breach" about a soviet agent that worked his way into the upper ranks of the FBI and has sold millions of dollars of info to his soviet counter parts. And the guy they have worked into a position to ferret him out is asking why they have such a hard on for him and her answer is part of what I would tell people when they ask why I hate my mother so much. You can pontificate on the obvious. About how she morally and physically bankrupted our family. The murder trial she dragged us through. The lost youth and squandered futures. How she spiritually snuffed  us out like insect husks in an old hanging spider web. About all the puzzle pieces of a once decent family that will never fit back together. But the cherry on top of all this insult is how we all could have just stayed home and never done a thing but drink whiskey and sat on a couch in front of the television and be just as well off. I could have bankrupted myself and trashed my health and never left the house.  This is the exact quote from the actress Laura Linney to Ryan Philippe and man do I get what she is saying.............

Image result for back stabbers


 Ryan asks Linney "what if this guy is smarter than me"?

   Linney:  A couple of years ago, the bureau put together a task force. Lots of assets had been disappearing. So this task force was formed to find the mole who was giving them up. Our best analysts poring over data for years looking for the guy, and they could never quite find him. Guess who was put in charge of the task force? He was smarter than all of us. Actually, I can live with that part. It's the idea that my entire career has been a waste of time, that's the part I hate. Everything I've done since I got to this office, everything we've all been paid to do, he was undoing it. We all coulda just stayed home. 

Mars Attacks!!!!!!


Thursday, July 6, 2017

Do we ever really escape our dysfunctional familys????




Judith sent me this link and it's done well enough I want to share it with you. I usually put the angst of children ahead of romantic relationships with Narcs because  lovers can get the fuck out and kids have to stay put if they want a roof over their head and some food.
Q)  I’m a student in my late 20s. My question is simple and not simple. I guess the relatively straightforward version is: Are we ever able to transcend the dysfunctional patterns and behaviors established in our childhood?

A)  The not-so-straightforward version: I grew up in a small, conservative, overwhelmingly Evangelical Christian town. My parents were pretty controlling. Partially because we lived in such an insulated environment, and partially because their professions relied on other people viewing them favorably, I was taught — in both subtle and more obvious ways — to subvert my feelings and desires if they appeared to conflict with the feelings, desires, or expectations of others. I remember standing with my father in church one day when a boy my age came up and slapped me (sort of hard) across the face; my father just stood there. Later, he told me it was hard for him to restrain himself. He’s deceased now, but I still want to scream at him, “Why the fuck didn’t you protect me? Why the fuck didn’t you stand up for me? Why couldn’t you let me be myself: a weird and complicated and messy person? Why did we always have to care so goddamn much about what other people thought?”

I still really struggle with this, even though my father has been dead for several years now. I struggle with letting myself be who I am unapologetically. Typing this feels like I’m whining, but the truth is that I continue to feel really suffocated and haunted by the figures from my childhood and adolescence. The lessons my parents taught me about putting others’ expectations first led to some toxic and traumatic romantic relationships. I struggle to ask for what I want or need without feeling selfish or high maintenance. When I once tried to have an emotionally heavy yet calm and reasonable discussion with an ex-boyfriend about how I felt during our relationship (mostly hurt by his cheating), I was told I was addicted to conflict. I often feel gaslighted in my relationships with men: Am I asking for too much? Am I secretly a leech who sucks the joy and energy and spontaneity out of other people when I state how I feel? I feel like the more I try to be a calm, rational, compassionate adult, the more I’m told how ridiculous and suffocating I am.

I haven’t been in a relationship for a long time, and I’m trying to be okay with that. I try to eat healthy and exercise; I see a therapist. But I’m upset with myself for wanting things like a partner or children; I feel like I should just be happy with where I am right now. (I should add that my childhood friends are all married and/or engaged with children.) How do I break this cycle?

Thank you for reading this.

Stuck and Uncertain

Dear Stuck and Uncertain,

I love your letter, because it points directly to the heart of what so many sensitive people from difficult families who struggle with relationships wonder: Am I asking for too much? The big problem of asking if you’re asking for too much is that most people will automatically tell you, “Yes, you’re probably asking for too much.” But that’s because a lot of people don’t require quite as much as a sensitive person from a difficult family does. Sensitive, formerly dysfunctional people need to know, beyond a shadow of a doubt, that we’re not just being strong-armed or manipulated or used or treated like a sex doll or ignored or condescended to. So we do ask for a lot. And we ask a lot of questions. We freak out easily. When we freak out, we don’t always express ourselves without overdoing it. Or we’re defensive. Or we clam up until it’s too late and then get more angry than perhaps seems appropriate for the situation. It’s funny that you sign off as “Uncertain” because we sensitive, emotional people with dysfunctional backgrounds spend a lot of our lives feeling uncertain about pretty much every social interaction we have.

I don’t love calling that uncertainty “insecurity,” because that’s often the reductive answer offered up by people who are skilled at the American flavor of bull shitty confidence that lands you jobs and sexual partners (and sometimes, frankly, a lifetime of feeling slightly dissatisfied and angry but not quite knowing why). And we sensitive disordered types who think and feel way too much (by societal standards, which, whatever, fuck off) have certain varieties of swagger and bluster that these shallow-by-choice bullshitters tend to lack. We often have rich imaginations. We drag around with us lush emotional landscapes that, if we’re forgiving ourselves enough, flow forth and bring the people around us untold gifts of insight and thoughtful digressions and brilliant, unusual angles on the world. As I used to say, back when I felt the need to market myself around the clock to the men I was dating (because I was very uncertain), “I have some flaws, but I am definitely not boring.” I didn’t mean that I was unpredictable and scary. I meant that every new day brought me new surprises and new ideas. I was born to write, and discuss, and debate. This makes me very popular among people who love talking about ideas, and very unpopular among people who don’t like women who say opinionated shit without apologizing for it.

But I am still sometimes uncertain. Why? Because we live in a culture where many people are not just suspicious of complexity but are, often, actively repulsed by it. REPULSED. And yes, part of the problem is that I still, in spite of my best intentions, have to ask other people to tell me how a regular human should react in some situations, because I am pretty fucking sure I’ll mangle it. That’s one of the costs of being an emotional weirdo who’s moody and intense. It’s not that I don’t have days when I’m just casually coloring within the lines of social expectations without thinking much about it. It’s that I also have days when I am blindfolded in the desert. And when I feel that way, I feel uncertain. And I admit that I feel weird. And I think carefully about how to respond, or I hold back a little, or I just dive in and mangle away and then regret it afterward. But what I mostly do better than ever is this: I consider the consequences. I can consider the consequences because I want to protect myself from bad situations.

So. That probably sounds terrible. It probably sounds like the real answer I’m giving you is that people from dysfunctional families never really get better. And in some ways, it’s undeniably true that some of our essential traits never change. But mostly what I’m saying is that we simply are who we are. We do our absolute best and we still fuck up, but our absolute best gets better and better, because we try to slow down and think and feel and understand what worked before and what didn’t work. We also have to — often! — remind ourselves of what we deserve. We have to remind ourselves that we deserve to be with partners who love complexity and ideas and emotions as much as we do. And we have to remind ourselves to stop trying so goddamn hard to please people who just do not like emotional complexity and never will.

So, are you a mess? Maybe you are. It is not at all uncommon for someone with your family background to be a big mess in her late 20s. Are you asking for too much? Maybe you are, for now. But the only way forward from where you are, as far as I know it, is to persist in asking for everything you want. You will do this because you are certain of one thing: You’re worth it. So you need to be certain that you’re worth it.

What makes you worth it? It’s not just your big ideas and your big emotions and the fact that you’ll never be boring that makes you worth it. What makes you worth it is the fact that you struggle so much. Struggling like crazy makes you fair, and generous, and kind, and grateful. Struggling makes you look closely at yourself, every day. You interrogate your motives.
You want to honor the other person. You want to give that person the benefit of the doubt. You are a deeply ethical person with others, because you don’t want to deny other people what they deserve.

But these very ethical traits also make you a potential doormat. They also make you willing to settle for tepid assholes who just like the fact that you have a nice ass and who merely want to keep fucking you until something better wanders along. Seriously. They also make you deny yourself what YOU need. So even though, sure, you ask for a lot (but in a wavering, uncertain voice!) and talk too much (about what you deserve, without ever drawing a line or walking out the door!), even though you seem bossy and self-involved from some angles, the truth is that you fold too easily, you’re too giving, you’re too interested in disappearing the way you did when your dad chose not to see you, because seeing you would mean doing the very uncomfortable work of protecting you.

God, that makes me sad! I know it makes you so heartbroken, too. I am right there with you, okay? It’s so fucking sad to grow up feeling invisible, feeling like you don’t matter. But the only way out of that trap is to resolve to spend time with people who see you clearly.

Now we come to the tough part: Once you decide to only spend time with people who see you clearly and care and want all of what you have to offer? You have to tolerate those people. You have to tolerate feeling like you’re a wolf who went to go live with the bunny rabbits. Are these people weak for seeing you? Are they pathetic for caring? Aren’t the bullshitters who were grossed out by your complexity more attractive, more carefree, sexier? They aren’t. And you’ll know that you’re about to experience a mind-bending change in your life when you finally look at the bullshitters without your sad filters and you can finally see, with certainty, that they are not sexy and are in fact running scared from themselves.

Last night, I watched La La Land for the first time. This is a movie I should love. It’s a musical, it’s romantic, it’s about love and following your dreams, it’s nostalgic! But the worldview of that movie, to me, is the worldview of a macho bullshitter whose central good idea was that jazz and freewheeling creativity and true love and old movies and starry skies and dancing in the streets and following your muse are the only things worth living for. Now that sounds pretty great, right? Those things are amazing! But this movie doesn’t understand what those things are actually made of, how they’re formed, how messy and scary and vulnerable they are. This movie makes those things seem clean, like a stack of cash. Ironically, all the protagonist (Ryan Gosling’s character) knows is that those things HAVE SOUL.
But he doesn’t have soul! He can channel some soul through his music, but he otherwise has nothing original or thoughtful or jagged or strange or witty to say. His love interest (Emma Stone) is not the protagonist, of course; she’s just a charming, vulnerable lady-shaped entity who knows how to cry on command. We watch Gosling play the goddamn piano over and over, but we don’t even see a second of Stone’s one-woman show! We know she wants a career as an actor, of course, but the one time she makes herself heard in any meaningful way (incoherently, of course) our hero says, “Back off, lady!” This is a movie that is repulsed by complexity. This is a movie written from the perspective of someone stupid enough to believe that IN THE OLD DAYS, THINGS WAS SIMPLER! And also SOUL IS EVERYTHING. But these characters are too fucking shallow to actually conjure real SOUL, because they don’t know or trust themselves. They never ask for too much from each other! They hate messes! They hate struggle! They just dance sweetly and kiss! It’s so clean and pretty! But soul is not clean. The closest these fuckers can come to soul is when they see an old movie or visit the goddamn Griffith Observatory.


And also, there are like two songs that repeat over and over and the lines are all “starry skies, dreamy dreams”? It’s a simple dude’s vision of what’s cool, with no layers underneath. It’s so fitting that Rebel Without a Cause is the movie they see. IDEALISTS ARE TOO PURE FOR THIS WORLD, DUDE. And then of course, the one true love who mattered is the one who you never really knew at all, not the guy who’s raising your baby with you.

What’s gorgeous and perfect is that this is the real, unintended moral of La La Land: This is what you get when you bullshit. You are haunted by the notion that you never really asked for enough. And you know what? I say fuck that. I say keep asking for too much. Because some day, you’ll get it.

And when you do get it, you’ll know better to believe that your Happily Ever After will be pure smooth sailing from there. You will feel terrified and electric and happier than ever, and you’ll also feel worried and vulnerable and conflicted, like the people dancing in the middle of traffic in the first and best scene in La La Land. That’s what actually embracing your complexity and having a little soul feels like. It’s not like dancing among the stars. It’s like dancing in traffic.

That’s also the simple answer to your letter (and it’s the gift of being you): Your struggle never ends. Accepting that will make you happier. Accepting that may just be the key to all happiness.

Polly

Order the Ask Polly book, How to Be a Person in the World, here. Got a question for Polly? Email askpolly@nymag.com. Her advice column will appear here every Wednesday.

Saturday, May 27, 2017

You're Killing Me Marvin!

Yet again, Peep has ferreted out an article here, about how we should feel pity for the people who oppress others, and that they are really wounded souls that need to be coddled until they find their way home. Spiritually is my guess. He offers up the fact that many oppressors commit suicide as evidence that there is that last spark of humanity inside and that they realize they have lost touch with it and can not bear to live on knowing what bastards they are, and how bastardly  they have treated their families. Twenty bucks says this guy never spent 10 minutes around a Cluster-B and if he did no one offed themselves in front of them. Peep left a comment there that draws it to a salient conclusion telling us what we already know. Oppressors don't give a shit about us. My mother was the main dealer of misery in our house and we all just let her. My father's suicide left us all to scatter to the four winds..On some level he knew he was transferring his excess dysfunction on to the next generation. As did she. And neither of them gave a shit. In fact my father went out of his way so I could be there when he did it. My mother would have devoured this guy whole. And used his rib bones to pick her teeth. People need to stop asking the wrong question. In stead of asking why these atrocities happen, they should be asking why don't they happen more often. Most crazy people I have met only check their behavior if they think they are being watched.


Can we just call it what it is? And what it is is crazy. We will never understand why they do what they do. I am going to recycle some words my sister wrote to me that really sums it up. At least it works well as a map into the labyrinth of my parents minds.
What she wrote me was this.

 "I think they proved to the world they were wrong, it isn't just us seeing it.  Everyone who ever knew them
knows they were fucked up.  Maybe not the extent of it, but people aren't as dumb as they thought.
Pretty much for the world, any of the things they did tells the world they'd screwed up. Killing yourself
or other people, going on trial for killing people, disowning your own children over nothing, neglecting children, hating your own children, not having a funeral, or memorial because you're too stubborn, talking about your children like their dogs. Seriously, just running your own kids down to everyone is enough for most people to back away and go whoa, that's freaky". 

At my age it really doesn't make a shits worth of difference. She was crazy and then made him crazy too. He smothered her , she smothered him. I wish they had smothered their kids and been done with it. Or how  about only a crazy person picks such a horrific way to end it and then drags their son into the fray. Good riddance to them both. My ex think she really took us to the cleaners. Like she got the cherry off the shitty life we had growing up. This was just more of what we dealt with all our lives. We saw this coming from way off. You say tomato. I say tomahto. They are both dead and will remain that way for the foreseeable future. I only re-hash this shit so when my mind enters the lions cage I have a chair and a whip to fight it back.  And maybe, just maybe, someone will read this and learn something about man's inhumanity to man. And if not that. They might know they are not alone. There are families out there that get pretty fucked up by just one or two crazy members. 

Thursday, May 25, 2017

Slow, but sure moves the might of the gods





The Millstones of justice turn slow, but grind exceedingly fine.
And I say this to you; despicable, thieving,  and treacherous sociopath narcissists.  You with all the qualities of a dog except for loyalty!















Thursday, April 13, 2017

It Ain't a Black thing!

This pastor is going to the slammer, and you can almost feel the hypocrisy in his message.
Kenneth Adkins will only be preaching to inmates for a while after he was convicted on Monday on eight charges, including five counts of child molestation. According to News4Jax, the jury deliberated for less than an hour before declaring Adkins guilty of molesting a 15-year-old boy at his church seven years ago.
This pastor is going to the slammer, and you can almost feel the hypocrisy in his message



This is Pastor Kenneth Adkins.
He says gay people deserve to be slaughtered. He has been prosecuted for 8 charges of child molestation.pic.twitter.com/CcWzkFAGjq
Atkins made a name for himself after the Pulse Nightclub shootings in Orlando when he bashed the LGBT community in a string of tweets. He wrote, “I know y’all want some special attention…y’all are sinners who need Jesus. This was an attack on America.” In another tweet, the pastor wrote that homosexuals “got what they deserve.” Since then, he has set his tweets so that they cannot be seen but his Twitter bio claims that he is “one of the most respected black conservative voices in America.”
SavannahNow reported, “Atkins showed no emotion as the jury provided the verdict,” and that though he has been married four times and fathered 10 children, no family was present. His attorney said that he will file appeals and that he believes the state “deliberately withheld pertinent evidence.” He also said that he was stunned by how quickly the verdict was returned.







Wednesday, April 12, 2017

"My Brother was Eaten by Wolves on the Connecticut Turnpike."

Welcome to the Hotel Barbarian!
You can check out any time you like.
But you can never leave. 



"Hotel rooms are just naturally creepy places, don't you think? I mean, how many people have slept in that bed before you? How many of them were sick? How many were losing their minds?"
My father told me that my mother got knocked up a couple of years before I was born and then had a miscarriage and if not for that I would have not been born. Thanks for the nothing you guzzler of strawberry douche! This whole post is a Stephen King knock off. Just so you know! And the "brother eaten by wolves" is written on the wall of the room he stays in until the room eats him instead.  

Saturday, April 8, 2017

Do liars actually believe the Bullshit they spew?

Image result for lying bitches.


  Growing up in Texas there was an old saying that "so and so" would rather climb a tall tree and tell a lie than to stand on the ground and tell the truth. That statement was never truer than used to describe the partners in crime that would be my mother and my first wife. I don't think I saw a kernel of truth issued from the mouths of either of them. I would give my low hanging fruit to hear them yammering to each other like the witches in Mac Beth in what would essentially be a contest of lies that would be unparalleled out side of politics and a convention of used car salesmen. I take that back. 10 seconds of their bullshit would make me seize like a rusty chain saw so I best leave that out. One question I have above all others is if the people who tell these whoppers actually believe them. I have had my mother look me square in the eye and deny that she ever committed a single criminal act in her life and told me my well documented accounts of her trial for first degree murder was something I dreamed up from all the brain damage I accrued while smoking pot as a teenager. Don't even get me started on my ex. My head might explode like that guy on the movie "scanners"

Image result for scanners head explosion
 When my ex and my mother joined forces they became the two bodied beast with one head goon from the black lagoon! 
I would watch my ex walk into another guys apartment and then have her tell me I had her mistaken with someone else. When I die I am going to have a two word epitaph..............PROVE IT!

So lets see what the wiki page has to say. 

That's gotta be true.

Pathological lying (also called pseudologia fantastica and mythomania) is a behavior of habitual or compulsive lying. It was first described in the medical literature in 1891 by Anton Delbrueck. Although it is a controversial topic, pathological lying has been defined as "falsification entirely disproportionate to any discernible end in view, may be extensive and very complicated, and may manifest over a period of years or even a lifetime" The individual may be aware they are lying, or may believe they are telling the truth. Sometimes however, the individual may be lying to make their life seem more exciting when in reality they believe their life is unpleasant or boring.
Defining characteristics of pathological lying include:
The stories told are usually dazzling or fantastical, but never breach the limits of plausibility, which is key to the pathological liar's tactic. The tales are not a manifestation of delusion or some broader type of psychosis—on confrontation, the teller can admit they are untrue, even if unwillingly.
The fabricative tendency is chronic. It is not provoked by the immediate situation or social pressure so much as it is an innate trait of the personality. There is some element of dyscontrol present.
A definitely internal, not an external, motive for the behavior can be discerned clinically: e.g., long-lasting extortion or habitual spousal battery might cause a person to lie repeatedly, without the lying being a pathological symptom.
The stories told tend toward presenting the liar favorably. The liar "decorates their own person" by telling stories that present them as the hero or the victim. For example, the person might be presented as being fantastically brave, as knowing or being related to many famous people, or as having great power, position, or wealth.Pathological lying may also present as false memory syndrome, where the sufferer genuinely believes that fictitious (imagined) events have taken place. Sufferers may believe they have accomplished superhuman feats or awe-inspiring acts of altruism and love—or have committed equally grandiose acts of diabolical evil, for which they must atone or already have atoned in their fantasies.
Some psychiatrists distinguish compulsive from pathological lying, while others consider them equivalent; yet others deny the existence of compulsive lying altogether; this remains an area of considerable controversy.
Diagnosing pathological lying can be difficult. Psychologists are trained to understand the issues this diagnosis presents as a disorder. It is listed in the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, third edition. It is a stand-alone disorder as well as a symptom of other disorders such as psychopathy and antisocial narcissistic, and histrionic personality disorders, but people who are pathological liars may not possess characteristics of the other disorders.  Excessive lying is a common symptom of several mental disorders.
It has been shown through ;ie detector tests  that PF (pseudologia fantastica) patients exhibit arousal, stress, and guilt from their deception. This is different from psychopaths, who experience none of those reactions. People affected by antisocial disorder lie for external personal profit in the forms of money, sex, and power. PF is strictly internal. The difference between borderline personality disorder and PF is that BPD patients desperately try to cope with their feeling of abandonment, mistreatment, or rejection by making empty threats of suicide or false accusations of abandonment. Pathological liars do not feel rejected, they have high levels of self-assurance that help them lie successfully. Unlike those with histrionic personality, pathological liars are more verbally dramatic than sexually flamboyant. Narcissists think they have achieved perfection and are unempathetic to others. PF patients do not show these anti-social behaviors, they often lie because they think their life is not interesting enough. The only diagnosis in our current system where purposeless, internally motivated deception is listed is axis I factitious disorder. This diagnosis deals with people who lie about having physical or psychological disorders. People with PF tend to lie about their identities and past history. "Other specified disorder of adult personality and behavior" as this defines itself as "This category should be used for coding any specified disorder of adult personality and behavior that cannot be classified under any one of the preceding headings". Here the specified disorder is the lying for psychological reasons (not material ones e.g. money etc.) and the behavior would also need to meet the necessary conditions to be viewed as a psychiatric illness.
Lying is the act of both knowingly and intentionally or willfully making a false statement. Most people do so out of fear. Normal lies are defensive, and are told to avoid the consequences of truth telling. They are often white lies that spare another's feelings, reflect a pro-social attitude, and make civilized human contact possible. Pathological lying is considered a mental illness, because it takes over rational judgment and progresses into the fantasy world and back. Pathological lying can be described as a habituation of lying. It is when an individual consistently lies for no personal gain. The lies are commonly transparent and often seem rather pointless.
There are many consequences of being a pathological liar. Due to lack of trust, most pathological liars' relationships and friendships fail. If the disease continues to progress, lying could become so severe as to cause legal problems, including, but not limited to, fraud.
Psychotherapy appears to be one of the only methods to treat a person suffering from pathological lying. No research has been performed regarding the use of pharmaceutical medication to treat pathological liars. Some research suggests that certain people may have a "predisposition to lying". A study showed that pathological liars had increased white matter volumes in the orbito frontal inferior frontal, and middle frontal cortices compared to control groups. There is a counter-argument saying long-term training may cause regional increase in white matter volume, and the repeated activation may cause permanent changes in brain chemistry. It could be either a genetic condition, or an environmentally induced one. Further research is needed on this subject to determine the cause.
Pathological lying is a complex phenomenon, differing from other mental illnesses. It has many life-changing consequences for those who must live with the illness. Currently, there is not enough research in the area of pathological lying to guarantee a cure.


But you can't lie to your god and you can't lie to your soul. So you know what this means donchew?
Get ready to meet this guy if you are an unrepentant liar!

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Sunday, April 2, 2017

Trumps Voters Want Their Money Back!


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So you voted for Donald Trump. Now that he’s in office, you’ve realized he’s more or less the incoherent traitorous psychopath that his detractors tried to warn you about. It’s big of you to acknowledge that you got it wrong, that you wish you hadn’t voted for him, that you wish he hadn’t won. But it’s not enough. You’ve got to do more. Here’s the problem with simply changing your mind about Trump this late in the game: everything that’s now blindingly apparent of him was at least fairly apparent when you voted for him. You’re concerned now that he appears to have conspired with Russia to illegally tilt the election in his favor? He had to get rid of his  chairman Paul Manafort during the election after it was discovered that he’d been taking millions of dollars in payments from the Kremlin. Trump and his team have Russian traitors all along.
You’re angry now that Trump's using his office to funnel money to himself and his kids and his old friends? His nonprofit Trump Foundation was busted by the State of New York for being a phony scam during the election. His fake Trump University was busted as well. The guy’s been a financial criminal his entire life – or did you think he’s declared bankruptcy six different times just out of happenstance?
You’re concerned now that Trump has surrounded himself with nothing but buffoons in the White House? His most visible White House staffers, Sean Spicer and Kellyanne Conway, were also visible buffoons during the campaign. And they arguably weren’t even the worst campaign people Trump had. His first campaign manager Corey Lewandowski assaulted a reporter during the campaign. His third campaign boss Steve Bannon (who came after the Russian traitor was fired) has a history of allegedly beating his wife. His campaign spokesperson before Conway was Katrina Pierson, who was arrested for shoplifting. Trump was just as surrounded by garbage when you voted for him as he is now. Even a cursory look at his personal history reveals that he’s surrounded himself with nothing but garbage his entire life. If you weren’t fully aware of all of the above about Donald Trump during the campaign, it’s only because you weren’t paying attention. And if you were that far detached from the biggest story lines of the most important election of your lifetime, you shouldn’t have voted in it. This is not to condemn you. It’s simply to point out that, after having been reckless in voting a monster into the White House, you have a moral and social responsibility to do something to fix it. And it’s not enough to simply say “I regret having voted for him.” It takes a lot to admit something like that. But it doesn’t help anyone who’s being negatively affected by Trump’s catastrophic reign, which has done more damage to America in six weeks than even a criminal like Nixon did in six years. So do something now to atone for it. Talk to your like-minded friends who also voted for him, and get them to come out publicly against him as well. Drive his approval rating below thirty percent, and he’ll probably resign or be impeached. Change enough minds and you’ll have helped to oust him. Start changing minds now, before the guy you voted for gets us all nuked. Contribute to Palmer Report
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Thursday, March 30, 2017

Hurt


Fucking and Punching.

Twice the chaos with none of that pesky compassion for the kids!


I killed myself today
For second life replay
I killed myself today

I had too many lives
I did it to survive
So I killed myself today

But somehow I'm not dead
I'm still inside a head
To testify what's real
When truth is to believe

I killed myself today
For second life replay
Yeah, I killed myself today

I killed myself today
(I killed myself today)
For legendary fame
(For legendary fame)
I blew myself away

I did it in a crowd
(Killed myself today)
The echo was about
(For second life replay)
The old familiar shame

But somewhere I'll survive
To make you feel alive
So you could all reload
Your dreams and all your hopes

I killed myself today
(I killed myself today)
For second life replay
(For second life replay)
Yeah, I had to leave this game

But I'll return tomorrow
Alive to learn again

Alive to learn tomorrow
Alive to learn again

Monday, March 27, 2017

Pixelated

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   Is addiction caused by drugs alone? Or do chronic stress and trauma in childhood play the determining factor in predicting who will lose control once they start using drugs?
As our society still tries to deal with the consequences of 9/11 a full fifteen years after the attacks, the continuing role of childhood trauma in addiction gains increasing scientific traction. Early life experience programs the brain and body for the environment it encounters: a calm, nurturing upbringing will orient a child to thrive in most conditions, while a stressful, barren one will predispose it to conditions of scarcity, anxiety and chaos. Not all stress is bad, however. Learning requires some stress, and coping with intermittent, mild doses builds the system up, like a muscle. Stress crosses into the hazard zone of trauma only when it comes in "doses" that are too large or too unpredictable or too sustained over which the person has little or no control. Paradoxically, early neglect—an absence of parenting—can be as traumatic as overt abuse.
  One study of children who attended the 10 middle and high schools closest to ground zero where the Twin Towers stood found that the greater the number of trauma-inducing factors they experienced, the more likely the kids were to increase their use of alcohol and other drugs. These factors included knowing someone who died, being personally in fear for your life or that of your loved ones during the attacks and how close their school was to the towers. Compared to those with no exposure factors, teens with one were five times more likely to increase alcohol and other drug use and those with three or more factors were a stunning 19 times more likely to increase their alcohol or drug use. The youth who increased their use had more difficulty with their schoolwork, lower grades and more behavior problems, suggesting that they weren’t just using drugs but had developed drug abuse or even potential dependence.
This research confirms a whole body of literature showing that the more stressful your childhood experiences—and the more different your types of stress—the greater your odds of later life addiction. The Adverse Childhood Experiences (ACE) study, which includes some 17,000 participants in California’s Kaiser Permanente insurance program, found multiple, dose-dependent relationships between severe childhood stress and all types of addictions, including overeating. Adverse childhood experiences measured included emotional, physical and sexual abuse, neglect, having a mentally ill or addicted parent, losing a parent to death or divorce, living in a house with domestic violence and having an incarcerated parent.
Compared to a child with no ACEs, one with six or more is nearly three times more likely to be a smoker as an adult. A child with four or more is five times more likely to become an alcoholic and 60% more likely to become obese. And a boy with four or more ACEs is a whopping 46 times more likely to become an IV drug user later in life than one who has had no severe adverse childhood experiences.
“These are extraordinarily strong relationships,” says Dr. Vincent Felitti, a founder of the ACE study and the former chief of preventive medicine at Kaiser Permanente in San Diego. “You read the newspaper and the cancer scare of the week is about something that raises risk by 30%. Here, we’re talking thousands of percentage points.”
The type of adverse experience doesn’t make a large difference in the results, according to Felitti: what seems to matter most is the cumulative effect of multiple types of stress.For example, having been both physically abused and neglected is worse than having been physically abused alone.
One factor does stand out, however. “I would have assumed before we looked at it that probably the most destructive problem would be incest—but interestingly it was not, it was co-equal with the others,” says Felitti. Instead, he notes, “The one with the slight edge, by 15% over the others, was chronic recurrent humiliation, what we termed as emotional abuse,” citing examples like parents calling their children stupid and worthless. (The study did not look at bullying by peers, but other studies have found that such abuse can haver similarly negative health effects.)
Ironically, humiliation is a common theme in addiction treatment, where tough confrontation to “break” addicts remains a frequent practice, despite research showing its ineffectiveness and harmfulness. Some so-called therapeutic-community programs, for example, place people on a “hot seat,” where they are confronted about their personality flaws and other negative qualities, sometimes for hours on end. Other programs force people to wear humiliating signs or even diapers. Sexual humiliation, such as forcing men or teenage boys to wear drag or women pose as prostitutes, is not uncommon. Although mainstream programs like Phoenix House and Daytop have worked to eliminate such degrading practices, they persist in the industry, particularly—and tragically—with adolescents.
Indeed, people traumatized as children can actually be re-traumatized by this form of treatment, exacerbating both post-traumatic stress disorder and addiction.
Felitti insists that the best way to treat addiction is with empathy and compassion. “I would argue that the person using [drugs] is not using them to have a problem, they’re using drugs to find a solution,” he says. Although some addicts have no apparent childhood trauma, at least half have suffered at least one form of severe childhood stress and many have experiences multiple exposures. Among people with the most severe addictions, trauma histories are ubiquitous. And emotional sensitivity, which varies widely with genetics, may make experiences that would not be traumatic for most children intensely traumatic for some. Though all addiction is certainly not caused by trauma, it is becoming increasingly clear that it can be a big part of the disorder.
Fortunately, the same key factor that provokes resilience in children coping with chronic stress also spurs recovery in from addiction. That’s social support: whether it comes from a 12-step program like AA, from family members, a loving spouse, friends, other support groups or civic and religious organizations. Safe, familiar people buffer us against stress: the physiology of our stress systems is designed to calm down with a nurturing word or touch from someone we trust. If we want to prevent addiction and promote recovery, we need to love more and stress less.
Maia Szalavitz is a columnist at The Fix. She also is a health reporter at Time magazine online, and co-author, with Bruce Perry, of Born for Love: Why Empathy Is Essential—and Endangered (Morrow, 2010), and author of Help at Any Cost: How the Troubled-Teen Industry Cons Parents and Hurts Kids (Riverhead, 2006).